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boyfriends ex has said his little girl is not his

(8 Posts)
PinkElephantsDancing Mon 06-Nov-17 18:52:52

Hi everyone. New to this site and I know there are certain ways to type but I have no idea what they are!

We've just had a phone call from my boyfriend's ex whom he has had two children with, to say that the daughter (she is 6) is not his.

I'll give you a little bit of background just so you are aware.
He has an arrangements order granted by the court to have his children (6 & 5) live with him.

The ex's family in the last few weeks were asking for contact with the children, other than the contact they already had, set up by my boyfriend and his ex (though basic). This is as per the order to allow her supervised contact with them. Supervised by the maternal grandmother. The agreement itself is very vague and does not set out specific times or days to see them.

Her family believe we should also be taking on more of a role in taking care of her 8 year old son from a previous unknown parentage. We have tried to discuss it with them but they have made it impossible to discuss the situation.....

Three weeks ago, the maternal grandmother, wanted to talk about Christmas day with my boyfriend who said he would collect the other son to visit around lunchtime to take him to my parents house, who have kindly allowed us all to visit. Grandmother did not like this arrangement and proceeded to punch my boyfriend under his eye. She then threatened she would see him on Tuesday (she wanted him to go over to her flat on his own so she and their non related grandfather could speak to him). Boyfriend knew this would be trouble as the 'grandfather', would be very aggressive with him, as he has on previous occasions.
Boyfriend declined this 'invitation' and she kept trying to force the car door open. Boyfriends mother was with him at the time and got out to try and move her away so they could drive off. The grandmother pushed his mother to the ground. He then called the police and they arrived and arrested grandmother. She later punched the female police officer too.
The incident took place in front of the 8 year old boy and the grandmother also screamed that he was not his son (boyfriend met ex after he was born). His sister in law kindly took him home later and explained it to him properly. However his mother really should take responsibility for that talk as he had questions about his real Father.

The grandmother has a well known problem with alcohol and this obviously fuelled the incident. It's also worth saying that after saying she was so desperate to see the children, she left the company of their mother (whilst seeing the children) to go to the pub. I feel that she really isn't desperate to see them at all.

However, we are far less inclined to deal with them at all due to various issues:

The so called grandfather has been arrested many times and is on the sex offenders register. The grandmother has been told not to allow him to be on him own with the children. I suspect this will be ignored. He has always had a particular fondness for the daughter which I find disturbing. They have asked on several occasions to have her on her own.

Her son is a prolific drug dealer and allows his 14 year old son to take drugs in her flat where the children used to sleep (she was their carer whenever the mother couldn't be bothered to look after them). He has also tried to contact my boyfriend a few days after the incident which I was very concerned about, as he knows some very horrible people, and they knew where we lived at the time.

The children's mother is also addicted to drugs and the children have seen far more than they ever should have whilst in her sole care.

All communication is taking place via my boyfriend's sister in law which is not fair for her but we do not want to have anything to do with the grandparents, especially now this revelation has been thrown at him. To me it looks like they are doing all they can to take the children from us and damage their lives irreparably.

We have contacted a solicitor and are waiting for the appointment. We really need to know what rights they have to see the children and what could they make us do should they go to court. Can they take them away from us if it turns out that his little girl isn't his?

We would like to be prepared. We have just begun to set up a life together and I believe they are trying anything to get these little children back in their care, despite them proving time and again that they are incapable. We moved to a good area, we send them to school everyday (the ex sent them 2 times out of 5 in the week), and my son has started to form a good relationship with them too. It's all so stressful and upsetting.

Any advice gratefully received.

prh47bridge Mon 06-Nov-17 20:03:11

The grandparents have no rights to see the children. If they want contact they will first have to apply to the court for permission to apply for contact. If they do decide to take this to court the courts will look at what is in the children's best interests.

The mother also has no rights but she is better placed to apply for increased contact or for them to live with her. Again, the courts would look at what is in the children's best interests.

Your boyfriend has PR for the 6-year old by virtue of the child arrangements order stating that she lives with him. Whether or not he is her biological father is irrelevant. The mother and her family would not be able to override the existing court order just because he is not the child's biological father (if, indeed, that is the case).

PinkElephantsDancing Mon 06-Nov-17 20:10:39

Thank you, that's really put our minds at ease. We are really worried for the children as they all (including mine) have a good relationship and I wouldn't want that to end.

Starlight2345 Mon 06-Nov-17 20:19:40

Poor kids in this..

The family sound like a nightmare..I would minimize contact in this case. But do take legal advice.

I agree with pp Grandparents have no rights.

mydogmymate Mon 06-Nov-17 20:34:44

Can you afford to do a DNA test? That would put the matter of paternity once and for all. It sounds awful for the children and should be sorted ASAP. Good luck flowers

Thetoothyteeth Mon 06-Nov-17 20:38:42

Erm. This sounds like Jeremy Kyle or something. You sound very different to the people in your boyfriend's life - and the woman he chose to have children with. Just an obervation. Strange.

PinkElephantsDancing Tue 07-Nov-17 09:37:23

It is strange and yes I am very different, which is why he likes me. I don't take any nonsense from men after making a mistake years ago. We all say we have no idea why he made the choice to be with her. It is very Jeremy Kyle and I said that to him yesterday. My parents have always made sure I was a good girl and I have never been much of a deviant lol.

We have ordered a DNA test to do ourselves and the social worker has already told us they don't do them (which is what the ex told the boyfriend on the phone).

PinkElephantsDancing Tue 07-Nov-17 09:44:56

To be honest I think they both wanted to party and take drugs together all those years ago so it was a match at the beginning. She got pregnant pretty soon after they met. He is on the little girls birth certificate and she never said she had any doubts before. She won't say who the other possible father is.

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