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Can I get a letter drawn up to protect my money?

(20 Posts)
minxthemanx Wed 01-Nov-17 14:55:28

Just want some legal advice, not relationship/leave the bastard/flaming. Marriage has been in difficulty for years, counseling hasn't worked. Have 2 kids with medical problems, and suspect DH has aspergers (attempting to get diagnosis but slow going). I'm under a lot of stress dealing with it all, and have wanted to separate for a couple of years. DH very resistant, wants to live with his kids/wife /dog and won't move out even tho I've made it clear how things stand. Been in separate bedrooms for over a year. I was left with choice of move out with kids (couldn't afford to rent a family house) or find another solution, even if only for a year or two. Decided to have extension over study, to give us 4th bedroom and en suite for DH. Thus everyone has own room. This has just been finished, and has probably added 35k upwards in value. Took out £25k on mortgage to pay; DH agreed to this and signed as joint mortgage. However I am paying this share back from my earnings, @ £300 a month. DH continues to pay main mortgage, most bills etc. Yes I know he's done well out of this. My question is; if the house is ever sold, can I get something drawn up to protect the 25k cost of the extension? So that I get that portion back as I'm paying for it, before house is split? DH will still be benefiting from the extra value in the house. How do go about this, half hour free consultation with solicitor? Presumably DH will have to sign agreement ? Thanks for any help and please don't judge, I'm doing the best I can in difficult circumstances.

ijustwannadance Wed 01-Nov-17 15:07:11

Who has been paying the normal mortgage all this time? Who paid deposit? Surely if he's paying normal mortgage and all bills then you will be benefiting more in the the long run.

I really can't see how you'd be entitled to the extra 25k. It's not like you had a cash lump sum you put in. Just an extention on original mortgage.

Gazelda Wed 01-Nov-17 15:10:45

He pays the main mortgage, you pay the extra. I don’t understand why you believe this money is yours to keep separate?

minxthemanx Wed 01-Nov-17 15:19:12

I suppose I see it that he refused to move out even though marriage has broken down. If he had done so, as happens in most cases, he would have to pay rent for somewhere else to live. Instead of which he's staying here in the family home, which I've enabled him to do by having another room built, for which I'm paying £300 a month. So he still lives here, isn't paying a penny towards the changed situation and when the house is sold, gets an equal share? He puts 2/3 of his salary towards mortgage/utilities and I pay for everything else. I know it's not ideal and a bit complicated and I can see what you're saying.

Appuskidu Wed 01-Nov-17 15:26:32

continues to pay main mortgage, most bills etc. Yes I know he's done well out of this.

Really? hmm

He's paying the main mortgage and most of the bills and you think he's done well!?

bellsandwhistles89 Wed 01-Nov-17 15:36:03

I am not quite sure why you would of taken out a mortgage to allow him more space but that is not the point of your thread.

If I am reading correctly he pays the majority of the bills and main mortgage which I assume is more that your monthly payments for the extension. I am not quite sure why you feel this money should be separated... If/when you go to divorce surely this would be sorted out then.

Could you not ask someone for advise - not sure if it would be Financial Advisor or Solicitor - to find out where you stand... if you stand anywhere?

SoupDragon Wed 01-Nov-17 15:46:18

So that I get that portion back as I'm paying for it

Doe he get to keep the portion of the house he is paying for?

I'm not sure how ring fencing that small part is fair unless I've misunderstood something.

minxthemanx Wed 01-Nov-17 15:47:25

Having written it down i can see what you're saying. By "he's done well" I meant that by refusing to separate, which has caused a lot of unhappiness and stress, he has got what he wants; continues to live in family home with lovely brand new room/ensuite. The marriage was over a long time ago, but he just refuses to move out. Because of the very difficult times the DC have had with medical problems, I couldn't bring myself to make them move out. So had extension built as some sort of solution. I can see what you're saying about the finances. The phrase "cake and eating it" springs to mind tho. Life would have been easier if he had accepted separation.

Gazelda Wed 01-Nov-17 16:35:20

I think your money would be better spent on getting legal advice about how to formally separate and manage living arrangements going forward.

KarateKitten Wed 01-Nov-17 16:38:48

I think I'm simplest terms you need to push ahead with a divorce and part of that divorce will be dividing your mutual marital assets fairly. It sounds like you're focusing on the wrong thing here, your little expense in the extension. Your marriage is made up of a much bigger pot of things but until you divorce, you are still in a marriage with joined finances.

PhilODox Wed 01-Nov-17 17:08:05

But you're married- the house is a joint asset, and half of value is yours.
See a solicitor. Presumably the house can be sold, and you both get enough to put down on individual properties?

minxthemanx Wed 01-Nov-17 18:58:49

Thanks for the advice. I totally understand about the house being a joint asset and the extension being part of that; it was helpful to point that out. Think I'd got bogged down with the emotional side of it. I will take some legal advice, though as he won't move out I think I've done the best I can in the meantime.

Mumof56 Wed 01-Nov-17 19:02:40

Why don't you move out?

LaurieFairyCake Wed 01-Nov-17 19:04:15

Yes you’ve done the best you can flowers

Until you actually move towards divorce just consider the whole thing as a joint asset. You have added to the value of the house.

You’re not going to be there to pay the whole £25k back are you? So that will be deducted as a debt when you sell.

Actually maybe you should make that your goal - to NOT be there for the whole 25k term smile

minxthemanx Wed 01-Nov-17 20:19:38

Mumof56 I have thought carefully about moving out at times. But a) I couldn't afford to rent a house big enough for myself and the DC and b) they've both had traumatic medical problems and this home is their stability. Uprooting them would be difficult. And DH can barely care for himself at times, let alone 2 difficult lads with endless hospital apts. So I've tried to find a more practical solution that disrupts the boys as little as possible.

RandomMess Wed 01-Nov-17 20:24:12

Seek legal advice about divorce proceedings and selling the house etc. Find out the options of selling the house, you buying him out or vice Versa - somehow the DC need to be housed!

kittensinmydinner1 Wed 01-Nov-17 21:11:26

He is no more ‘obliged’ to move out than you are OP. It’s a house owned jointly by you both.

Appuskidu Wed 01-Nov-17 21:22:42

An odd solution you've thought up really. I would have thought selling the house was the best option and then a divorce so you can split the assets and both have somewhere to live, but you have made an expensive structural change to the house to make it possible for this 'not marriage' to continue under one roof indefinitely!

HeebieJeebies456 Thu 02-Nov-17 03:23:51

So you can't afford to move out but you assume he can?
He's still going to need to have a house with the room/facilities to enable him to have the dc over for contact........

DH can barely care for himself at times, let alone 2 difficult lads with endless hospital apts
Well he's proven he is responsible enough to hold down a job, pay bills, wipe his own backside etc.....the rest he can learn to deal/manage with

babybarrister Thu 02-Nov-17 12:49:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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