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Contact arrangements not working

(7 Posts)
Millinerymum Fri 27-Oct-17 12:32:19

Hi all
Apologies if I get anything wrong in this but it is my first post.
My ex-husband has refused all communication with me over the last 6 months. He has not acknowledged receipt of the contact schedule drafted in the summer (covering up until Christmas) but has generally kept to the weekend contact. However, whenever my children (15 year old twins) are with him, he does not return them until very late on Sunday night (11pm ish). He is supposed to return them by 5pm although the twins say it is their wishes to come back later. Whenever I text him (or them) to find out when they will be coming back - if they will need food etc. I get no replies. I am made to guess what is happening.

This half term he was 2 days late in picking them up. He told the girls he would not be collecting them until Saturday (instead of Thursday) but did not tell me - and nor did they.

Before they left they agreed to come back on Thursday (yesterday) so that they could go to their hairdressing appointments this morning. Surprise surprise they are not back. Despite asking when they would be coming back, I have had nothing again.

I feel like I am expected to stay in the house all the time in case they are brought back when I am not in. My husband and I feel like prisoners in our own home and unable to plan anything because they refuse to acknowledge that we need to just know when to expect them. This is cruel and unfair.

As they are 15 is there any point in going back to court or will it just be a waste of money?

What else can I do?

Lonecatwithkitten Fri 27-Oct-17 13:08:44

Do they have door keys? Can they make themselves a meal?
I would suggest that they have keys so they can let themselves in and out. Natural consequences you didn't tell me you would be back so I have no meal for you, but you can cheese on toast that you make yourself. They are 15 they should be more than capable of letting you know where they will be when.

Nicknacky Fri 27-Oct-17 13:08:56

I can't advise on the legal side of it but don't they have a key? I would be going about my daily business not waiting in.

prh47bridge Fri 27-Oct-17 13:15:53

As they are 15 the courts would almost certainly follow their wishes regarding contact.

To be honest, I think your issue is more with your children than with him. Even if he doesn't answer, they are perfectly capable of telling you when they expect to get home. If they knew he was picking them up late for half term, they should have told you. And they should have told you they weren't coming back yesterday as soon as they knew.

I would suggest forgetting about the courts and your ex. Instead try to address it with your daughters. They need to be more considerate. You wouldn't (I hope) accept this behaviour from them if they were staying with friends. The fact the "friend" happens to be their father shouldn't make any difference.

prh47bridge Fri 27-Oct-17 13:18:57

Cross posted with Nickynacky. I agree that I wouldn't be waiting in. My teenage sons have keys. If they don't turn up when they are supposed to and my wife and I want to go out, we'll go out. If they get home to an empty house that's their problem. And if they can't get in that is their fault for not taking their key with them. They know that's how it works and we rarely have any problems in this area.

Ilovetolurk Fri 27-Oct-17 15:47:57

As above and don't book them any further hair appointments

Justoneme Fri 27-Oct-17 15:55:08

They are young adult ... when do they turn 16?

Sadly it appears as the children don't have much of respect for you.

And stop making hair appointments; if they want to have their haircut they would make sure they attended the appointment l.

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