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mums saying she's going to leave me out the will

(23 Posts)
chocolatetulip Fri 27-Oct-17 09:30:38

Long story short my mum is abusive to me and favours my sister openly.
My terminally ill dad has said he'll leave the house to her on the understanding that she leaves it to me and my younger sister when she dies.
My mum has said to me that the only person who will need the money is my younger sister. She is one year younger and has a much better job than me etc so that's basically a load of rubbish. Is there anyway I can contest the will of she does thats or is there anything my dad can do to stop that happening? I'm on the understanding that I can set up a trust but I'm not sure my dad is up to dealing with all of that as he's ill now.
I would happily not speak to my mother again but I'd like this sorted before he dies as it would not make him happy to hear what my mums up to. I don't want to tell him as it would stress him out.
I'm not a money grabbing person I just don't like my mum using this as a tool to make me feel like I'm worth less than my sister, something she's tried to do my whole life and this is the final straw.
My mum is old and doesn't look after herself so I think sooner rather than later to sort it if possible. My younger sister unfortunately will take it with both hands if given it and not share it.

Shylo Fri 27-Oct-17 09:35:16

There is nothing you can do to contest it - if your dad wants you to have a share of his estate he needs to states this in his will; once it goes to your mother it becomes her estate and she can do as she likes with it.

I'm sorry OP, this sounds like a dreadful situation

eyeoresancerre Fri 27-Oct-17 09:38:03

I d

eyeoresancerre Fri 27-Oct-17 09:42:27

I don’t suppose you live in Scotland do you? I know you can’t exclude children from part of the estate up there?
Sorry for this mess. I was disinherited a long time ago by my father. It’s been 20 Years now - he is still alive. I’ve made my peace with it. Don’t let your mother control the rest of your life with this bargaining tool.
Tell her to bugger off and take all the power back. Don’t live in hope she’ll change her mind and try to be a dutiful daughter in the hope she will change her mind. You’ll just waste your life and she’ll probably fuck you over in the end anyway.
Sorry you have a crap mother.

chocolatetulip Fri 27-Oct-17 10:26:22

I thought that's the case but thank you for the replies. Am in London!
The reason he can't leave it to is is for tax reasons ie if we have the property and she still lives there she has to pay us rent and we have to pay the tax on it. That's not going to happen.
I will have to try to accept what is happening then. It's only money but I am trying to get a divorce and I really resent being told that I don't need the money etc. I think it's irrelevant anyway. If my sister was desperate I'd give it to her as well but she's living with a top 1% earner and has a good career herself !!!

Collaborate Fri 27-Oct-17 11:12:38

Your dad can change his will so that your half of the house goes to your mum for life but to you when she dies. that way it doesn't fall in to your mum's estate. It's the only way to achieve what you say your dad wants.

LondonExpatLife Fri 27-Oct-17 11:36:32

The only way to protect your rights to the house is to do it legally. You should consider what COLLABORATE mentions. I am not a legal expert but have dealt with international tax and estate issues. You should consult a tax expert and lawyer. If the only reason your father won't name you as an heir to the house is because your mom would need to pay rent - who says what the rent has to be? Couldn't you charge her something symbolic such as 1 GBP? I don't see this as a valid reason. Maybe you'd have to pay inheritance tax? Life insurance / savings to pay for this?
If your father wants to give you part or all of his home, he needs to make this decision legal. Think about discussing what is going on with him. Only you know if he would want to know the truth and assure his wishes are respected.

Allthebestnamesareused Fri 27-Oct-17 11:40:25

If he leaves her a life interest in his share she will not have to pay rent nor will you have to pay tax. It basically leaves the house to her to live in while she is alive and then when she isn't she can leave her share to whoever she wants (assume your sister) and your Dad's half will go according to the trust assume 1/2 to you and 1/2 to your sister.

However does your Dad have the mental capacity to decide to do this because if not and you are influencing him unduly then that can be contested.

There is no automatic right for a non-dependent adult child to inherit from a parent's will in England and Wales.

HouseholdWords Fri 27-Oct-17 11:55:17

There is nothing you can do to contest it - if your dad wants you to have a share of his estate he needs to states this in his will; once it goes to your mother it becomes her estate and she can do as she likes with it.

Maybe talk to your father about it - he can leave his property to his wife for life, and then you inherit it - a simple trust would do it. But he and you need to see a solicitor.

Otherwise, you need to context your father's will. Sadly, this will probably be difficult if not impossible. Horrible situation, OP - can you just develop the mental attitude of "Fuck it, I don't need her money" ?

babybarrister Fri 27-Oct-17 18:50:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chocolatetulip Fri 27-Oct-17 23:35:25

I am already trying to brace myself and say fuck it I don't need the money. It would definitely help me but if that's the way things are there's not too much I can do. I will think about talking to my dad but it will upset him and my mum will manipulate her way back to him believing I'm making it up or something s most of the time it's not worth it. Got to love family sometimes!
Thanks for the advice

traviata Sun 29-Oct-17 18:18:06

So difficult. Would your dad agree to go and see a solicitor, arranged by you, just so that he gets the will he wants, whatever that may be? No need for any discussion with you about what that will might say.

LondonExpatLife Sun 29-Oct-17 20:20:53

Agree with Triavata - no matter who your dad wants to leave his assets to, he should see a lawyer / solicitor to makes his wishes legal / binding. It’s the wisest thing to do If he is of sound mind. He should do this to protect his ultimate decision.

BewareOfDragons Sun 29-Oct-17 20:25:23

Honestly? I would tell your dad your mum has told you she's leaving it all to your sister. he could leave his half of the house to you and your mum could have the right to live in it until she dies or goes into care and leave her half to your sister.

thiskittenbarks Sun 29-Oct-17 20:38:39

I think there is a type of will - mutual will I think - that are binding after the first person dies. So if they agree to leave XYZ to you, if your dad passes away first, your mum can't then change that. Obviously this requires your mum to agree to this initially though, but at least your dad wouldn't pass away thinking you would get XYZ only for your mum to go back on it.
I may be wrong of course - but poss worth looking into.

prh47bridge Sun 29-Oct-17 21:40:12

Mutual wills are very difficult and some aspects of the law surrounding them are unclear. They can also lead to unforeseen consequences. In general it is best to avoid this route. I would recommend following Collaborate's advice.

chocolatetulip Mon 30-Oct-17 10:37:01

Thanks for the replies. I think I need to find the most efficient way of him leaving half to me and half to my mum. I really want to tell him but he will probably tell my mum and she will be able to manipulate the situation even further. Especially as he's in and out of hospital and emergency trips etc and as she's looking after him I can tell he's doing whatever she says as I think he's worried she'll stop looking after him if he does anything.
I think best I try to see a solicitor as well I just wanted to see what my options were before I go down that route.

LondonExpatLife Mon 30-Oct-17 13:43:51

I'm sorry to hear your father is in this situation. The fact he maybe worried that your mother will stop looking after him, says something. Why leave her anything?

Ttbb Mon 30-Oct-17 13:53:33

You need to get your Dad to create a trust. He will leave the house to you and your sister jointly as legal owners with a beneficial trust for life in your mother's interest. You and your sister will own the property but your mother will have the right to live in the property/benefit from rental income until she dies. When she dies her interest will die with her and you will be left as joint legal and beneficial owners.

chocolatetulip Mon 30-Oct-17 16:27:34

Thanks again, ttbb I think I'll ask my dad to consider a trust and see what he says. I think it was quite a hassle him sorting the first one as he obviously doesn't like talking about his death. Hopefully it won't cost too much as I think I'm going to try to pay for it so as to take one other thing out of it for him.

SkyBlue17 Mon 30-Oct-17 16:29:31

My father 1. severed the joint tenancy on the house he owned jointly with our mother 2. in his will left his half of the house to we 3 chidlren (he thought he would die first but in the end he didn't) 3. When she died first he varied her will to give her money to us immediately rather than on his death and then 4. on his death it came to us equally.

HouseholdWords Mon 30-Oct-17 16:40:59

No one likes thinking or talking about their death, but we owe it to those we love to leave things (if there is anything to leave) so as to cause as little extra pain as possible. I first made a will in my 30s because I bought a house and so had something to leave after me. No signs of imminent death then ornoq, but it's about being a caring adult I think.

Could you put it to your father Ali g those lines. If he lives both his daughters then he should ensure equal treatment of them.

chocolatetulip Mon 30-Oct-17 23:49:25

Household I completely agree and will now be writing my own will and had actually planned to try to discuss the trust with my solicitor first before approaching my dad again. Unfortunately I don't come from a background of caring parents! I am just trying to deal with everything as it comes but this last number from my mum really got to me.

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