Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Child not wanting to go with their dad

(33 Posts)
MissyTB Thu 19-Oct-17 11:17:42

My dd is 4

My stbxh is in the process of moving out as he has bought a house elsewhere. He is stalling the sale of the marital home as he likes being able to come and go as he likes

I'm divorcing him as he is a controlling, jealous bully. I want to sale to go through asap so that I have privacy as he won't be allowed in my new house

This morning he arrived from his other house at 2.30am. Took our 4 year old from her bed and put her into his bed (I have asked him repeatedly not to do this)

He told me he was taking her to nursery this morning. She said she wanted me to do it. I tried talking her into going with daddy and I would help her get into his car. He was so upset and fighting against going in his car as she wanted me to take her. She was screaming and desperately unhappy. He smacked her on her leg and told her to stop

I told him to never hit her again. He replied "I will parent whoever I want" and drove off

Legally where do I stand? This is breaking my heart

Aussiemum78 Thu 19-Oct-17 11:24:39

Firstly can you get him legally barred from the house. He owns another, there is no reason for him to come and go in the middle of the night.

You need legal advice ASAP regarding visitation too. The clearer the agreement the better...your aim is to have as little to do with him as possible. Google grey rock method and coparenting with a narcissist.

MrsBertBibby Thu 19-Oct-17 12:37:18

First I would report to police.

Do you have a solicitor for the divorce?

LucieLucie Thu 19-Oct-17 12:44:58

Call police if he ever does this again. No one in their right mind would agree it’s good to remove a child sleeping from their bed like that.

If he argues or kicks off he can be arrested and a file will build against him being unsuitable in looking after his dd.

Disgusting how parents use children as weapons against each other.

Leave key in the door in future or add a second lock for safety and security.

Notreallyarsed Thu 19-Oct-17 12:50:31

He woke your 4 yo up at 2.30am to make a point? Then refused to listen to what she needed from him and smacked her when she wouldn’t comply?

He sounds like a bastard. You need to involve the police and get some kind of protection order.

MissyTB Thu 19-Oct-17 13:07:29

Without a court order I can't stop him from coming into the marital home surely?

How Long does a court order take to apply for and receive?

Notreallyarsed Thu 19-Oct-17 13:11:14

Involving the police may lead to a quicker way of preventing him doing what he’s doing. It’s domestic abuse against you and your DD.

MrsBertBibby Thu 19-Oct-17 13:22:28

Any lawyer will confirm you shouldn't exclude him without an order, but if he applied for an order that you let him back in, I can't see a judge letting him if he has somewhere else.

In the mean time, secure the doors when you go to bed, and call police if he kicks off.

But call the police now!

Talk to your solicitor about a non molestation order, an occupation order, and a prohibited steps order so he can't take your daughter from your care or from nursery. And frankly, I would be inclined to say contact at a contact centre.

Smacking her wasn't discipline, it was pure temper. He's a danger to you both.

devondream Thu 19-Oct-17 13:36:24

But you can put a security chain on the front door and hook it over at night. You are a lone female with a child.

No policeman is going to oblige you to answer the front door in the middle of the night.

MrsBertBibby Thu 19-Oct-17 13:58:36

The police are unlikely to help him regain access in the middle of the night. Especially if they already have your complaint about his behaviour pending.

LucieLucie Thu 19-Oct-17 14:00:53

You allow him reasonable access to the marital home, not 24 hour access in the middle of the night!

It’s not his current residence and no judge in the land would prosecute you for securing your home overnight to prevent emotional upset to your dd.

He’s an arse hole.

MissyTB Thu 19-Oct-17 14:29:38

He is saying this is still his home until it's sold and he can do what he wants here, when he wants to

fikel Thu 19-Oct-17 14:34:53

Change your locks

MargoLovebutter Thu 19-Oct-17 14:40:21

Get a bolt for the doors, so that you can secure the house properly. You do not need to let ANYONE in at 2.30am.

Get proper legal advice and call the police if you need to. I called the police once when my ex-H was acting up and frightening the children, thumping walls and threatening me. He did not do it again.

Some men like to be the bully behind closed doors, not in front of witnesses.

MissyTB Thu 19-Oct-17 14:49:09

But he is still living here Thursday - Sunday

I can't lock him out

MrsBertBibby Thu 19-Oct-17 14:57:45

Please Missy, I'm a family solicitor, I know my stuff.

Call the police and talk to your solicitor as I suggested above.

Have you finalised the financial agteement in a consent order?

MissyTB Thu 19-Oct-17 15:20:02

He hasn't signed the consent order

MrsBertBibby Thu 19-Oct-17 15:50:04

And let me guess, you don't want to rock the boat until he signs?

MissyTB Thu 19-Oct-17 15:59:46

I'm trying not to rock the boat until I'm in my own house

The consent order gives me 50% of the equity in the house. I haven't asked for anything else as I wanted this dealt with quickly. It doesn't look like that's going to happen though

MrsBertBibby Thu 19-Oct-17 16:20:20

I would guess he isn't signing precisely because it stops you rocking the boat and let's him continue his abuse.

I think you need to get rocking, or you'll still be here in 6 months.

What does your solicitor say?

MissyTB Thu 19-Oct-17 16:29:41

My solicitor says give him a chance to sign the consent order (his solicitor was sent it 2 weeks ago)

If he doesn't sign, take him to court

MrsBertBibby Thu 19-Oct-17 16:46:27

And have you told your solicitor what is going on? S/he needs to know. I'd be mortified if a client of mine didn't tell me this.

MissyTB Thu 19-Oct-17 17:09:21

I'm waiting for her to get back to me

fikel Thu 19-Oct-17 17:46:50

I Would contact the police, explain you fear for you and your child’s safety. Collect his stuff, take it to a family member and prevent him from entering your home

bastardkitty Fri 20-Oct-17 18:03:59

Please take note of what MrsBertBibby has said. She absolutely knows what she is talking about. Your ex is abusive and you have to seize the moment because he has given you the opportunity to do something about it.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now