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STBX refusing to return DC

(88 Posts)
MoonCheeseApple Thu 05-Oct-17 04:01:12

What do I do??
I don't know where they are (he told me an approximate area but I don't know exactly where).
Police refused to help as we don't have a court order.
All I could find online says to go to court but i have no spare money at all for fees and solicitors.
Can someone please help me? sad

highinthesky Thu 05-Oct-17 04:18:50

Of no practical help but (((Hugs))). You must be going out of your mind with worry!

Contact CAB first thing in the morning. Or look at the Women’s Aid website.

Mummyloves09 Thu 05-Oct-17 04:51:54

Hey sorry to hear such sad news. I would be losing my mind.
Correct me if I'm wrong but I believe if you are the sole care provider after 48 or 72 hours it's classed as kidnap. How ever if it is shared they can have the child for up to 2 weeks. Sorry I know it's not the best of news.
I second what previous person said women's aid have great connections.

Mummyloves09 Thu 05-Oct-17 04:54:06

Also bear in mind this depends on previous circumstances and the relationship (meaning: active or non active parent) they have with Dc

MoonCheeseApple Thu 05-Oct-17 04:54:36

I'm making lists of helplines to contact but it seems he can keep DC until there's a court order in place.
Im struggling to think straight tbh

Mummyloves09 Thu 05-Oct-17 05:01:22

lots of HUGS.... MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU. This must be a dreadful time. Hope you get DC back soon

MoonCheeseApple Thu 05-Oct-17 05:01:34

We have an informal arrangement. he sees DC regularly on set days and other times by mutual agreement.
He's now decided to do it his own way. Refused to bring DC back as per our arrangement or tell me when he will.
I can't believe this is happening sad

HeartsTrumpDiamonds Thu 05-Oct-17 05:11:36

Oh my God you poor thing. You must be going insane without them or without knowing when you will see them. I hope Women's Aid etc can help. How long has the previous set up been working? Has anything happened to make him do something so drastic and utterly awful?

MoonCheeseApple Thu 05-Oct-17 05:12:09

Thank you both for replying flowers
I really hope the two week thing isn't true. I'm barely keeping it together as it is

Needalifeoverhaul Thu 05-Oct-17 05:38:56

Hi OP.... I'm so sorry you're in this situation flowers. Can I ask how old dc are? It might help with advice on here. Also, has he given a reason as to why he won't return them? X

MoonCheeseApple Thu 05-Oct-17 05:47:00

It's been just about ok for the last 2 years.
A few times recently he hasn't wanted to bring DS back (says he's too tired) but we've always managed to come to an agreement in the end.

In the past I have agreed to them spending more time together when STBX asked but recently DS has been struggling with his emotions and behaviour after extended contact. It started after a holiday abroad with STBX family and got worse after visiting STBX new partner.
It's horrible to hear my toddler telling me he was sad because he missed me but his dad won't let him talk to me. angry
His family are visiting so now he's refusing to bring DC back or tell me where they are.

MoonCheeseApple Thu 05-Oct-17 05:57:03

DS is 3. Since the last time he went away with STBX he's been having night terrors, tantrums, panicking when he can't see me, accidents when he used to be dry, not wanting to go to nursery. God it breaks my heart seeing it all written down sad
STBX said he didn't believe it until nursery spoke to him about it.
We were due to meet with nursery to discuss it together but I can't see myself being able to talk to him after this.

ohlittlepea Thu 05-Oct-17 05:58:59

This is abuse xx Womens aid may be able to help. it sounds like yoire going to need a very rigid contact arrangement in future. I would also be calling social services. they have an out of hours number.

strawberrisc Thu 05-Oct-17 05:59:29

If they are school age and don't attend for two weeks instruct the school to report them as "missing from education". Also phone CADT immediately to show you're being pro-active.

Needalifeoverhaul Thu 05-Oct-17 06:00:17

Ok, I'm only giving advice here based on what I would do. Firstly, stay calm when having any communication with stbx (antagonism may delay him returning them). See if you're entitled to Legal Aid (a lot of people are and don't realise). If so, book a solicitor appointment ASAP and tell them toddler is distressed. As soon as dc are returned (and please don't panic, it sounds like they will be)...start making a plan so this can't happen again, refusing contact if needs be and mist importantly MAKE A DETAILED NOTE OF THIS INCIDENT and any previous where your stbx has acted NOT in the interests of DC. If this goes to court it will help your case. X

strawberrisc Thu 05-Oct-17 06:13:16

Please ignore the comment that it "abuse". It's shit but if he also has PR it's not abuse so don't quote that.

Mumsnut Thu 05-Oct-17 06:20:06

Bump for legal crowd ...

Mummyloves09 Thu 05-Oct-17 06:24:57

I know this is gonna sound a bit drastic and clutching at straws but you said he has family around could you turn up at his home or family home and speak to someone a bit more rational who could get through to him.
Sorry but desparate times call for desparate measure.

ddrmum Thu 05-Oct-17 06:31:07

I'm so very sorry. I have been here too. You will need a court order. It's called a child arrangements order which is about £250 Speak to your local legal advice centre and women's aid. You need to act quickly.

MoonCheeseApple Thu 05-Oct-17 06:34:02

Thank you all for your help.
We both have PR.
I'm waiting for a social worker to call me back and left a voicemail with women's aid.
They're in a hotel somewhere. I called his family but they didn't care (STBX is golden child/Disney parent).

AdalindSchade Thu 05-Oct-17 06:34:52

Correct me if I'm wrong but I believe if you are the sole care provider after 48 or 72 hours it's classed as kidnap. How ever if it is shared they can have the child for up to 2 weeks

Yeah that’s just rubbish, ignore that.

He has PR (I assume) so it’s a civil matter meaning the police will not consider it kidnap under any circumstances (unless he puts the child at risk and you would have to have a reason to allege this).
There is no 2 week period. You need to get an application into court TODAY. It will cost you a couple of hundred £. I believe it’s a child arrangement order but there may be a different application for an emergency- post on the legal board and do some research online to get pointers on the exact type of order you have to apply for. Download and print the form, complete it and take it down to the court today.
Try not to panic. He will most likely be returned to you while they hear the case and this won’t go in his favour for contact arrangements in future. His actions mean you need a court order and can not rely on ad hoc arrangements.

AdalindSchade Thu 05-Oct-17 06:36:16

Don’t wait on the social worker for advice. Get on with your application. Social workers will listen sympathetically and may point you to support services but ultimately only you can apply for a court order which is the only way you are getting him back.

strawberrisc Thu 05-Oct-17 06:38:28

There is, however, a two week period if they are missing from education. Trust me.

AdalindSchade Thu 05-Oct-17 06:43:16

That’s nothing to do with residence though other than adding evidence to the case that the nrp isn’t considering the child’s best interests

Familylawsolicitor Thu 05-Oct-17 06:44:05

C100 court application

Tick box 13c urgency on page 17 to get round the requirement to consider mediation

Also C1A if there is risk of harm / DV

Send or deliver today three copies to your local court dealing with children issues

The court fee is £215 but you may be exempt or eligible for reduction low income
If you don't have the evidence for exemption right (qualifying benefits) or you think you are only eligible for a partial reduction I would advise beg borrow the £215 and then you have three months to sort evidence to get a refund. Otherwise your application will be delayed while they process your fee exemption application and possibly send it back to you to provide more financial evidence and this can take a while. If you send your application in with a note saying you want to pay by card they'll call you to take payment.

Application for help with court fees

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