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Children lying to Cafcass

(83 Posts)
Blacklight80 Sat 09-Sep-17 07:30:46

We have just received the section 7 report prior to the next hearing. The children have been lying to the person interviewing them.

Without going into detail, one example is them saying they never get to do anything when they are within their DD, resulting in Cafcass making recommendations such as "do activities with DC". This is in no way true, but DC obviously feel the need to present a negative view of their DD.

This in only one example of many.

So, my question is, how to best address this with the court?

AdalindSchade Sat 09-Sep-17 07:35:25

Maybe that's the children's perceptions?
I guess you could provide evidence - make a diary of all the activities you do during contact with receipts or photos as evidence

Blacklight80 Sat 09-Sep-17 09:36:22

The children can of course think the activities were boring, or not what they wanted to do, but they have described to the Cafcass officer that they are left to entertain themselves while their father ignores them. This is certainly not true.

Notreallyarsed Sat 09-Sep-17 09:41:04

You sound angry, I hope the kids aren't picking up on it. My suggestion would be follow the advice given by CAFCASS, otherwise things could get complicated.

The other thing I wondered was WHY they were saying these things? If they were happy with the way things are surely they'd have said so.

Blacklight80 Sat 09-Sep-17 09:45:38

I'm angry yes smile

I don't have any contact with the children, they're my partners kids so they won't pick up on it from me.

They clearly aren't happy at all, poor chaps. Of course their father isn't completely blameless but much of it is unfortunately down to their mother involving them far too much in adult matters.

Blacklight80 Sat 09-Sep-17 09:47:19

I guess we were hoping that Cafcass would pick up on and pose the question of why they express all this negativity.

Instead they have given recommendations along the lines that father needs to arrange activities with the kids, for example play football.

Notreallyarsed Sat 09-Sep-17 09:48:26

With respect (I know how tough it is to be a step mum), if you don't have contact with the kids you don't know what happens when they're with their dad. You also only have his side of things. In any situation hearsay is distorted by personal feelings and interpretations. Tell him to step up and do what CAFCASS are suggesting, that way there is no room for dispute.

Notreallyarsed Sat 09-Sep-17 09:48:50

What does he say he does with them?

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Sat 09-Sep-17 09:52:23

He could take photos of his kids while they're doing the activities he says they are? Or keep receipts if they go swimming and he's not allowed to take photos?

If the activities are things like "walk the dog round the streets" or "shopping" then they've probably got a point!

BrieAndChilli Sat 09-Sep-17 09:57:49

Ok, give us some examples of what he does do when he has the kids.
As we can't really comment at the moment. Also how old are the kids?

HeddaGarbled Sat 09-Sep-17 09:59:46

It doesn't sound as if the recommendations are unreasonable and it doesn't sound like there is any intention of stopping him seeing them. So, I don't think that you need to do anything, do you?

Clearly, things are not good between your partner and his ex, and that's bad for the children and for them. Is there anyway you can try to make things easier for them all, for example by being a calming, mediating, reasonable influence?

Getting angry about not important things is unhelpful and inflammatory.

JigglyTuff Sat 09-Sep-17 10:07:30

So you have no contact with the children but you're certain they're lying hmm

ElizabethShaw Sat 09-Sep-17 10:11:58

What's the actual problem?

The children have said they never do anything with their dad, you have admitted the activities are things they don't want to do or find boring, CAFCASS have recommended he do some appropriate/enjoyable/child-friendly activities.

It doesn't sound like the children have lied, just given the situation from their perspective. CAFFCASS haven't suggested reducing or denying contact, just how to improve their relationship.

Blacklight80 Sat 09-Sep-17 10:13:01

He does do lots of things with the kids, to give you an idea; on the last contact weekend he went rock climbing one day and to the leisure centre for swimming the next. Apart from that they also went to the park to play cricket. To @notreallyarased, I'm not there but he always shares photos of what they've been up to after his weekends, so I have a rough idea.

@HeddaGarbled he sees them on his own so I can't be any influence in any direction.

Unfortunately another part of the Cafcass recommendations was to decrease the amount of time the children spend with their father, which is the main reason why he's upset, not by being recommended to "do activities" (as he already does do that).

Blacklight80 Sat 09-Sep-17 10:15:08

@ElizabethShaw I don't think they do think the activities are boring, I was just saying that we obviously can't know how they perceive things.

I personally think they do enjoy the time with their dad but it's so inflammatory between the parents and the mother is actively promoting a negative view of him. So think they feel that they "should" go home and tell her they've had a miserable time.

Blacklight80 Sat 09-Sep-17 10:15:45

@ElizabethShaw they have suggested less time with dad

Blacklight80 Sat 09-Sep-17 10:16:57

@JigglyTuff lying is obviously a strong word, I think it's a mix of them having a differ t perception of things and them saying things to please their mother.

Notreallyarsed Sat 09-Sep-17 10:17:12

Why are they recommending decreasing time? That's very unusual. Photos is fair enough, but you still only have his word for what happens. I think it's probably best if you don't get so involved/invested in a situation that you're not part of iyswim.

JigglyTuff Sat 09-Sep-17 10:18:29

So if he takes photos of what they do, then he can show them to Cafcass, can't he?

Blacklight80 Sat 09-Sep-17 10:20:34

It's quite hard not to be interested in the situation when it is regarding your partner whom you live with 😳

I see where you're coming from, but I know this man, and he would do anything to try and get his kids happy.

Blacklight80 Sat 09-Sep-17 10:21:14

@JigglyTuff that's a good suggestion, are you allowed to do that in court? The next step is a second hearing.

mypoornips Sat 09-Sep-17 10:24:48

Why was decreased time recommended?

Notreallyarsed Sat 09-Sep-17 10:25:52

I didn't mean that in a negative way Blacklight I'm sorry if it came across that way. I just know from bitter personal experience that being emotionally invested in a situation where you can't change anything is bloody hard.

Blacklight80 Sat 09-Sep-17 10:30:42

@mypoornips mother was going for stopping contact. So maybe they went for a compromise?

@notreallyarsed I agree, it's bloody hard.

Some black humour in all of this is that she got busted by the youngest one (who's not so well drilled as the older) who told the Cafcass worker that he thought it was funny that mummy and his sisters calls me Miss Slutty as he thinks it's sounds funny 🙄which went into the report.

Notreallyarsed Sat 09-Sep-17 10:33:20

Miss Slutty??? Oooft that's appalling, even outwith the hearing of kids, but to talk like that in front of them is horrendous.

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