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Can you help me - where does my brother stand?

(9 Posts)
cheeseandbiscuitsplease Wed 12-Jul-17 12:41:04

My brother who is 39 has yet again been hit by a "it's not working" bombshell from his wife. They have been together for 17 years and married for 7. Home owners. They have 2 sons. He's devastated. Completely adores her and treats her like gold dust - always has done. This is the 5th time she's done this to him, saying she doesn't know what she wants etc and also that she loves him but is not in love with him. I'd like them both to be happy so I feel no hate towards her - just so angry she's so in control and treating him so badly. I think he realises enough is enough this time.
Where does he stand where the house is concerned? It's in joint names and it's her who is calling it quits. He has nowhere to go and can't afford to rent (800pm) I'm so bloody angry with her and her complete selfishness. She can't keep doing this over and over and am hoping he will realise this this time.
Sorry for the long post.
He works so hard and she has everything she's ever wanted. I don't want him too just walk away from everything he's worked so hard for. She's only just started working full time 6 months ago and was pretty much a sahm with a few 16 hour jobs inbetween. He's always treated her like a princess and she's just throwing it all back in his face.

meditrina Wed 12-Jul-17 12:48:06

He needs to go and see a solicitor, with as much info as possible about finances and assets (including pension pots). There are a lot of variable, and he needs an idea of the range of outcomes that are likely.

But yes people are, generally, poorer immediately after divorce as it all settles down from maintains one joint household to maintaining two. But people do get through it.

It doesn't matter who calls it quits, btw. The child arrangements and the financial settlement are completely separate from reasons for divorce.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Wed 12-Jul-17 12:53:27

She cannot force him to leave the house, so I advise that he doesn't offer to move out. Once he goes he'll never get back in again.

prh47bridge Wed 12-Jul-17 12:53:41

She can't throw him out of the house and he can't throw her out either. In terms of the financial settlement if they divorce it doesn't matter which of them gave up on the marriage. However, if he wants to know the likely outcome if they divorce he needs to consult a solicitor. Once they have all the facts they will be able to tell him what the financial settlement is likely to look like.

cheeseandbiscuitsplease Wed 12-Jul-17 14:12:32

Thank you very much for your replies. I think he's worried about getting home and the locks being changed or something like that. What would happen then? It's honestly all her doing. He's honestly the innocent party in this and I don't trust her as far as I can throw her anymore.
It's very sad.

prh47bridge Wed 12-Jul-17 14:34:47

If she changes the locks he can ask the courts to restore his access to the home.

NellieFiveBellies Wed 12-Jul-17 14:40:33

if she changes the locks he has the right to get a locksmith out.
it is his house too. he lives there. he cannot simply have the locks changed on him.
it is my (laymans) belief based on things i have read that contrary to what is generally believed, she cannot legally put him out unless a court has made that decision.

how old are the children?

he could force a sale and split any equity.
or a court may decide the children remain in the family home with one of the parenrs until the children are 18.

he needs to proceed with divorce and get things settled via mediation or court.

babybarrister Wed 12-Jul-17 18:30:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cheeseandbiscuitsplease Wed 12-Jul-17 21:52:36

Thank you everyone. The boys are 11 and 7.
I've propped him up so many times over the years and have always got on with her for his sake. I feel enough is enough now. She's slowly destroying him. It's time to make some changes.
I hope he can maintain his dignity and take some deep breaths and be brave.
He loves her so much but it can't be what she wants and I just want them to move on.
She is so unpredictable though and I have no trust or faith in her.
I'm just trying to protect him and advise him the best I can.
Thank you very much everyone, it's hard to see my little brother so broken. Again. sad

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