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Childrens' contact with estranged husband.

(26 Posts)
toniAAA66 Tue 04-Jul-17 20:50:28

My husband left the family (me and 3 small kids) 18 months ago.
Finding it expensive to live with his new partner in our home town, he moved 50 miles away - nearer to his work.
We've recently been through a bitter custody wrangle and the children remain in my care.
He asked the family court that I contribute to his (very generous) access visits - i.e. towards petrol money. He earns in excess of £50K and I'm a part-time supply teacher. The court agreed that I should.
This seems crazy to me. I've done nothing wrong and the children and I are being penalised for his choices.

AtSea1979 Tue 04-Jul-17 20:52:23

Are you unable to drive them one way? In that case of course you should. It's not just petrol money it's time.

Collaborate Tue 04-Jul-17 22:50:26

It's a bit late if the court have ordered it. You would need to appeal the order, but you only have 14 days in which to do it. I admit it sounds a bit strange, but the judge will have explained the reason for the order, so no one here can add to that.

Lottie991 Tue 04-Jul-17 22:51:48

Are u in the UK? This sounds bonkers

toniAAA66 Wed 05-Jul-17 11:25:39

Yes, we're in UK.
If he at some point decides to move another 100 miles away, should I expect to budget more for contributing to his petrol costs?
I can't see how this is fair.

Lottie991 Wed 05-Jul-17 11:41:02

That is absolutely disgusting, You should contest it, That judge needs sacking what a fool.

sadmommyhere Wed 05-Jul-17 12:25:33

I would get the divorce ball rolling, do it yourself, and demand spousal maintenance and court ordered child maintenance

Justhadmyhaircut Wed 05-Jul-17 12:28:20

Appeal. In the meantime I feel your car will be having some warning light issues and is undrivable.....

AliceTown Wed 05-Jul-17 12:58:15

Or, in the interests of reducing the impact of the conflict on the children, the OP could just get on with what the court has asked her to do.

Justhadmyhaircut Wed 05-Jul-17 13:03:05

So the funds she has to support her dc are used to support ex and his contact??. Can't be right. .
Appeal. . And I hope the cms is getting you the correct money.

AliceTown Wed 05-Jul-17 13:04:28

You can't just appeal because you don't like what the judge has ordered. It's far more complicated and potentially more expensive than that.

QuiteLikely5 Wed 05-Jul-17 13:08:54

How much do you have to pay? Or do you need to drive?

toniAAA66 Wed 05-Jul-17 15:48:59

£20 per return trip (two per month).
I'm having to give up my car. Can't afford to run it, as he's had to be pinned down to pay even basic child maintenance.

Collaborate Wed 05-Jul-17 16:45:24

I notice you haven't yet said what reasons the judge gave for making you share the burden. People will always pile on to a thread and pronounce themselves outraged on the basis of a poorly explained post, but if you are after some useful advice from a legal professional you'll have to share a bit more.

Lottie991 Wed 05-Jul-17 17:34:42

Collaborate what sort of reason could ever justify an rp having to fund a non resident parents journey to see their kids?
Its not her responsibility, He moved away, he should pay for his own journey to see his kids. I feel embarrassed for him that he would take money away from the rp who is providing the most care for his children.
What a tool.

Collaborate Wed 05-Jul-17 17:43:17

Collaborate what sort of reason could ever justify an rp having to fund a non resident parents journey to see their kids?

That's a good question. And one which the judge must have had an answer for. Yet OP isn't sharing that with us.

Strange that.

Lottie991 Wed 05-Jul-17 17:48:35

I don't believe there could be one, Its quite simple really HE moved away HE can pay for the travel to see his kids. Its called taking responsibility.

Collaborate Wed 05-Jul-17 18:21:26

There will be a reason. You might not agree with it, but how can you form a view if you've not even heard what it is?

A judge will never make an order without giving reasons. To do so would mean a very high risk of appeal, followed by criticism from higher up.

So there is a reason. If OP disagrees with it she can appeal.

MrsBluesky1 Wed 05-Jul-17 19:26:10

£20 per return trip (two per month)
he moved 50 miles away

£40 sounds like you're covering ALL of the petrol..

You call twice a month generous, were you refusing him access? That might be why judge ordered it

toniAAA66 Wed 05-Jul-17 21:02:02

I have never denied him access to the children and have no intention of doing so.
I said in court that I couldn't share the transport duties as I was having to give my car up.
The Judge's throwaway remark was "Give him £20 per journey petrol money, if he asks for it". Needless to say, he has.
Despite previous comments, the Judge did not explain why he thought I should be equally responsible for transport costs.
I'm really not seeking sympathy here, but I'm a peripatetic worker who will be unemployed over the school holidays. Ex and his partner earn approx. £100K per annum.

AliceTown Wed 05-Jul-17 21:10:25

The judge made a throwaway comment or he put it in his order?

Collaborate Wed 05-Jul-17 23:24:44

It only has any effect if it is in the actual order. Sounds to me like a suggestion only, and if that's the case you don't have to give him anything. £20 would get me, in my car, around 200 miles. That's 2 whole journeys.

kittensinmydinner1 Fri 07-Jul-17 05:58:48

Judges make lots of throw away remarks. However if it's not in the order it doesn't need to be adhered to. He can ask. You can tell him 'no' .

Traveller123 Tue 11-Jul-17 08:11:22

To OP. Even if Judge did not include in Order the NRP can ask CM payments to be adjusted if travel to see their child costs more than 10 pounds per week.

Your comment about what your ex's new partner earns is irrelevant as they are not responsible for supporting someone else's children.

Traveller123 Tue 11-Jul-17 08:11:53

To OP. Even if Judge did not include in Order the NRP can ask CM payments to be adjusted if travel to see their child costs more than 10 pounds per week.

Your comment about what your ex's new partner earns is irrelevant as they are not responsible for supporting someone else's children.

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