Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.
Ex partner slander(8 Posts)
I've namechanged for this.
The father of my child had a history of violence. He has 3 convictions of assault against me and was arrested a month before my child's birth for punching me in the stomach. (Thankfully baby was fine). I didn't press charges as I was about to give birth and couldn't deal with another court case. As soon as the baby was born he was investigated by social services who told me that if I got back into a relationship with him my child was at risk. He was assessed and deemed a threat to myself and child. It took a lot of convincing the s that I would never take him back. Once they were happy I was being sincere and he wouldn't be back in the house they disappeared. Since then he's caused nothing but problems for me and my child. He is a compulsive liar and I'm sure he has lied to my child's school. god knows what lies he's told. It's really bothering me now as I want to be left in peace without having to constantly worry about what he's up to. He is obsessed with making me out to be crazy. I must add I do not have a mental health record, have no criminal record and have not been investigated my social services. I'm sure he's lied about all these things. What can I do about this?
I'm having a word with the school after half term. I am going to bring evidence of his past convictions towards me as well as proof from ss of he's investigation and pre birth arrest. I'm sure he calls the school weekly with a sob story and lies which I know would equate to slander. I'm also sure he has faked docs etc as I wouldn't put that past him I know him too well. Can I access any emails or correspondence that he has sent school? How would I request this?
I would like ss to contact school to confirm all of this as I'm sure he has already lied to them and this may cause them to doubt me even with evidence. I'm not sure if I'm being too paranoid?? He is being investigated by ss at the moment in regards to a child in his care. its all pretty terrible on his end.
I'm taking him on now , I'm not sitting back and leaving him to lie anymore it's making me depressed and paranoid. Can I stop him from contacting the school? He's deliberately Caused trouble in the past by lying. I have to stress that he is pure evil and has no empathy. He's seen a psychiatrist before.
Ps, In regards to my child's safety , I've done everything I can to prevent contact. And intend to continue. He doesn't want to pay for a solicitor because he's main aim is to annoy me, not to see this child. I know this because he's deliberately missed scheduled appointments in the past and has ignored my child for months at a time.
Just to confirm he has
3 convictions (that I know of) of assault against me
Multiple arrests to do with dv
He's been investigated by ss twice for two different children
He lies continuously and often projects what he's done onto me. He's told people I was arrested for abusing him (this was word of mouth I have no written proof of this) I know it's slander. Help me kick him into shape! Any advice especially legal know-how is much appreciated!
So what if he's contacted school? Is it affecting the way your child is being treated at school? Are school continuing to inform you about your child's progress etc?
If you think the school is likely to release your child to his care then tell them the basics to ensure they don't, but other than that leave it.
Thanks for replying.
It's not that simple I'm afraid, I've done this for years since my child was at nursery and he relies on me not taking things further in regards to his lying and harassment. I can't sit back and let him manipulate anymore. Why should I live like this?
It does affect my child at school. It's a small school and word gets around. There were some incidents last year that led me to believe he was involved. He's even contacted my school mummy friends and lied to them so god knows how many other parents he's contacted. I must stress he is seriously unhinged and obsessive.
As for the school, they are aware of his past violence but he is a liar and regularly projects things. He will make up elaborate tales and spread them to anyone who'll listen. He does this to everybody but I'm his main target.
This isn't just a situation where I'm dealing with a bit of a asshole, I'm afraid. He's completely unstable. I will get all evidence and have ss contact school to confirm everything. TBH I should've done this years ago.
Has anyone else dealt with this kind of situation? If so, how did you cope?
If you haven't been through something like this you just won't understand. "Just leave it" isn't something I'm prepared to do anymore. I pay fees at this school which I can barely afford so that stings even more. I won't continue to abide his slander and interference any longer.
What do you actually want?
School will have to speak to him if he has parental responsibility for your child, it's not an option for them to ignore him. Even if SS will let you show them their report how will that help you?
Also, if you struggle to pay school fees look for other options.
I'm not unsympathetic- my father was an evil compulsive liar but the best option was to just ignore him. Anyone who actually knows you and who matters to you won't believe him anyway
Sounds like if you " take him on" he will just get even worse and prob all try and use your child to upset you more. The nay way to win with someone like this is not to engage and try not to care ( easy for me to say I know)
Is he on the birth certificate?
You'll not be able to sue him for slander unless you have access to substantial funds.
I'd go to the police and report him for continued harassment. You might need to give the police some tangible examples to go on.
Otherwise, I honestly think the school will probably have the measure of him. After you've been to the cops, I'd go to the school and very briefly outline the situation. No need to go into details. Just tell them you have an incredibly abusive ex who is unfortunately also prone to harassing you by making false allegations. Tell them you have reported this to the police, just so they know in case of any further issues. Remain calm and dispassionate - things he's told them you're not.
I'd do no more than that. Once you start to engage in a tit-for-tat and trying to disprove the allegations, you'll end up looking like you have something to prove.
It sounds absolutely fucking hideous op. I'm sorry you're going through this.
Hopping- I want the school to be aware of his lies so they don't get caught up in the manipulation. If he manages to lie successfully and paint me as a bad mother, that puts my daughter at risk. He has nothing to go on but he lies obsessively about terrible things. He's don't this to his own family and closest friend in the past. Accused them of terrible things.
Justmadeperfect- he is I'm afraid.
Janice- thank you, your advice is very helpful. Thanks for reminding me to keep calm, although it's just so difficult to at times. But I understand the importance of it in dealing with liars like this. Thanks again.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.