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are these breaches of restraining orders?

(26 Posts)
BCGRMDP Thu 13-Apr-17 15:35:02

there is a restraining order in place against violent ex. he is not to have direct or indirect contact or allowed at the property but im not sure this counts.

we have a 2 year old and a baby together today through the door there was a hand delivered card for the 2 year old who has severe SAL difficultieis and poor understanding thanks to it. the message is quite clearly a subtle message to me "i will see you soon" is part of it.

if she was older or without her speech/understanding difficulties i could understand him writing to her but he would know fill well she cant read it or understand me reading it to her and to me its obviously a message to me!

not sure if im being silly reporting it

WhisperingLoudly Thu 13-Apr-17 15:36:39


It's indirect contact and a breach.

Sorry he's going this

WhisperingLoudly Thu 13-Apr-17 15:37:00


BCGRMDP Thu 13-Apr-17 16:36:56

have reported. between this, his mum being here twice this week, a message from his daughter and 2 neighbours reporting someone being in my flat whilst i was on holiday and 6 "anonymous" reports to social services im hoping the bigger picture shows harassment

Racmactac Thu 13-Apr-17 16:38:07

Is it restraining order following criminal conviction or non molestation order?

BCGRMDP Thu 13-Apr-17 16:44:32

criminal conviction.

he recived a conditional discharge and RO for threats to kill and assault by beating

BCGRMDP Thu 13-Apr-17 16:45:08

im just scared that because its technically for the toddler its a message to me really but can he just claim he was contacting her not me?

Racmactac Thu 13-Apr-17 16:49:36

What do the terms of the restraining order say?

BCGRMDP Thu 13-Apr-17 16:50:43

not allowed direct or indirect contact other than through a solicitor.

not allowed at my address

BCGRMDP Thu 13-Apr-17 19:39:36

sad part is the trick with the card worked and i have been pretty devestated all afternoon at what i have taken from my daughter by pursing him for what he did

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Thu 13-Apr-17 19:46:37

Just think of it like he is digging himself a bigger hole. .
More chance he will be locked up. .
Don't be afraid to phone the police if he comes round though. Keep your phone charged and handy. .
You sound like you're doing a good job as a dm keeping your dd safe so try not to worry. .

BCGRMDP Fri 14-Apr-17 20:38:39

police are coming at some point to take a statement.

does anyone know that by them investigating this they have to inform children's services?

BCGRMDP Sat 15-Apr-17 09:44:19

also am i entitled to request the police reports from when he was arrested for assaulting me last april? even if i denied it in my statement (it was 2 neighbours who rang them) and it was him arrested.

Mc180768 Mon 17-Apr-17 15:58:48

Op, I work with offenders.

This is certainly a breach. Good that you have reported this.

With regards to accessing the police reports, it would be the transcripts you'd be wanting to access. Unfortunately, you would not be able to apply for the transcripts.

If the police felt the children were at risk from this man, then they would have a duty to inform Children's Services. If as you say, he has made indirect contact via the mail, it would be up to his Probation Officer (and he will have one as it's criminal law) as to whether that's recourse to further action under the RO and this would be only dealt with by a court.

Were Children's Services involved previously on the initial offences?

Essentially, Children's Services would want to ensure you were not exposing the children to risk given his background.

You've carried out the correct course of action by reporting this breach.

Remember, this is your home, your children and you have every right to feel & be safe and ensure your children are safe. With regards to harassment, if there are two or more courses of conduct from his mother/friends etc, you're well within your rights to ask this to cease. If the conduct continues, then report it in and get a PIN served.

ohdeaeyme Mon 17-Apr-17 18:20:34

thank you. still waiting for this police visit that they keep ringing everyday to inform me may hapoen today.

am going to mention a couple of other occasioms that i didnt report like when the flat was 100% locked from the inside when i returned home or when i went away and two seperate neighbours contacted me to say there was someone in my flat. doubt anyone can prove it which is frustrating but worth mentioning

ohdeaeyme Mon 17-Apr-17 18:21:29

they werent as long as i pursued police action, i have help from the early intervention team but not actual children just scared that because there is this low levek harassment that they dont think the kids will be safe here

CrunchieFeeling Mon 17-Apr-17 18:25:59

Name change fail? X

well done op for protecting your childten and yourself. Please stay safe xx

ohdeaeyme Mon 17-Apr-17 18:33:32

yes name change fail.. oops!

doesnt really feel like i have. children services and the police all wanted me to move to the other end of the country but agreed to me staying as long as i pursued him criminally but he just wont sodding leave me alone sad the one and only reason he is after child contact is it provides access to me!

ohdeaeyme Tue 18-Apr-17 17:04:41

is it really normal that when you report something to the police and they say they want to come take a statement that its now 6 days and still no sign?

ohdeaeyme Tue 18-Apr-17 17:05:12

this is fucking with my anxiety wish id never bothered to report it

Mc180768 Wed 19-Apr-17 03:46:01


I'm now boiling with rage over this.

When the criminal charge went through were you provided with victim support? IDVA involved?

Firstly, you need to get onto your local police website & contact your local station. You could action their complaints process. It's a sad state of affairs this process has to actioned but if you have to shame them into action then do so. A RO is a serious matter & evident your ex partner has in no way understood or taken responsibility for the position he is in.

Talk/email/visit the Police to reiterate you & the children are at risk due to the indirect contact which has breached the RO.

ohdeaeyme Wed 19-Apr-17 07:23:04

i called them last night to withdraw the complaint i cant handle the anxiety of all this when in reality he may get a bit of a slap on the wrist and the police clearly arent concerned by it.

i do have an idva, the case is also a MARAC one. the problem is the idva is on holiday, the dv support worker who is also involved is on holiday, my kids outreach worker is on holiday, literally everyone involved with my family isnt here this week. never felt more isolated or vulnerable. this is the man that at one point locked me and our then 6 month old in our flat and told me he would be back in 15 minutes with petrol to set fire to it. its not like im scared for no reason sad

ohdeaeyme Wed 19-Apr-17 07:29:21

sorry for venting just so frustrated

RedBugMug Wed 19-Apr-17 07:33:02

literally everyone involved with my family isnt here this week.

he knows that, take advantage. keep on with the police.
and change the locks of your flat.

ohdeaeyme Wed 19-Apr-17 08:07:58

i have already called them and said i dont want to pursue it anymore.

he is never going to leave me alone regardless of police or not

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