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Can my childs dads mother take my baby away?

(47 Posts)
Jade27xx Sat 01-Apr-17 18:13:16

Hi im just writting this as i am abit concered. My ex partner broke up woth me 3 weeks ago as he doesnt have feelings for me anymore.

However i am curently pregnant with his child, shes due in august. He hasnt attened any pre natal care or checked in to see how she is doing. (Scans have confirmed she isnt growing very well). He blammed me as did his mother. They said it was my fault shes not grpwing properly as i let the stress of the break up etc effect me.

However they are now saying i am not aloud to leave town. I have to stay in the town so theh can see baby when she arrives. They are also demanding i hand my baby over every weekend from birth. I personally feel that is way to much for a baby to be away from here mother.

I would never prevent my daughyer having a realationshio with her father however they have been threatning to take her from me and saying his mother is high enough up in social work to make this happen.??? I dont reallg know what my rights or his rights are. Can they take away my baby? Can he demand her every weekend? He has comlletly blocked me and said he isnt contacting me until baby is here.

TheHodgeoftheHedge Sat 01-Apr-17 18:14:41

Are you in the uk?

TittyGolightly Sat 01-Apr-17 18:15:03

No they can't. They'd have to go to court, and no court would grant an order for a newborn baby to stay away from its mother every weekend.

ShiroiKoibito Sat 01-Apr-17 18:15:21

I'd move personally

justanotheryoungmother Sat 01-Apr-17 18:16:17

No they can't and what a pair of assholes for putting you through this angry

BrieAndChilli Sat 01-Apr-17 18:18:21

Do you have any of this written in texts or emails or in voice mails?? If so save them , print them out etc so keep as insurance if things go wrong later on.
I would recommend breastfeeding - a breastfed baby needs to stay near its mother so no judge will let the dad have all weekend contact.

Where are your family?? If you have no ties where you are I would probably just up and leave.

milleniumhandandprawn Sat 01-Apr-17 18:18:56

Completely up to you whether you even put him on the birth certificate - I wouldn't if I were you!

And no, the GM has no rights at all over you/your child.

Venusflytwat Sat 01-Apr-17 18:19:33

No, they can't. But what a pair of dicks. If she's made the threats in writing I'd send them to her employer.
Alternatively: move. Move far far away.

Qvar Sat 01-Apr-17 18:19:45

Nope. Contact women's aid and tell them what you've told us. You are perfectly within your rights to move as far away as you want and if I were you, I would do so.

The child's home town is determined by where they are born, not where they are conceived. Make sure she is born where you want to raise her.

EsmeeMerlin Sat 01-Apr-17 18:21:51

Get legal advice and do not just hand over the baby. Also talk to your midwife, health visitor when baby is here. They will be able to help you. Log everything all the messages, especially ones about your mil being high up at social services. She is being unprofessional using that to bully you into handing your baby over. Have you got family support? Someone who can back you up so you are not bullied by them?

I would be tempted not to put him on the birth certificate to be honest if they are going to be like that or move. I would not let them take my baby away for weekends at birth after not being there.

Qvar Sat 01-Apr-17 18:23:18

Ps, make sure your breastfeed, because nobody on their right mind will take a breastfed baby away from its mum

blueskyinmarch Sat 01-Apr-17 18:24:03

I would also make sure that you don't put his name on the birth certificate. He can apply to court for parental rights but that will take a bit of time. If he isn’t planning to be involved in any way with the pregnancy then he cannot be expected to get weekend access straight away with the child. I would thing the court would be on your side in the matter. No matter how high up his mother is in social work she will not be able to influence what happens with your child. That is bullshit.

AnneLovesGilbert Sat 01-Apr-17 18:24:15

I'm so sorry you're going through this. They sound like truly horrible people.

If this is what you're putting up with now, and it's incredibly threatening and aggressive, it's only going to get worse.

Depending on lots of factors including your housing situation, work, your support network of family and friends, is strongly consider having no contact when them at all (helpful in a way that he's blocked you), move house, don't tell him when your daughter is born, absolutely don't put him on the birth certificate, her your baby only your surname and hope they aren't bothered enough to pursue it.

It's possible once she's born for him to take you to court, get a DNA test to prove he's the father and get given parental responsibility. But don't let him or his insane unpleasant mother know when the birth is and just hope they fuck off.

I'm sorry to hear there are issues with the pregnancy, the most important thing is that you and she get the best possible care and can continue the pregnancy as stress free as possible.

Good luck flowers

Jade27xx Sat 01-Apr-17 18:24:33

Yes im in the UK. I feel like im nasty for telling them id rather it went thriugh court due to the way he made me feel.

Ive only met his mum 4 times. So to me shes a stranger, & i dont want to hand my baby over to a total stranger.

Yea ive kept messages which have been sent back and forth. Some i deleted as i was getting uoset reading them. Ive also wrote down the impact hes had on my mental health and how jts affected both me and baby.

My family live in the same area as he does. Ive aleays lived a few miles out only came back because i met him. 😕

TheWeeBabySeamus1 Sat 01-Apr-17 18:25:20

No court in the land would take a newborn away from its mother every weekend from birth. What if you breastfeed - do they think your breasts are detachable? Even if you formula fed they wouldn't do that.

They are trying to bully you and they probably know that you're feeling vulnerable. Stay strong. You can move to whatever town you please you don't need his permission to do so.

honeysucklejasmine Sat 01-Apr-17 18:25:30

Yeah, don't put him on the birth certificate. Move if you want to, and ignore the threats. Tell your midwife if you can, they can signpost you to services who'll help.

UnbornMortificado Sat 01-Apr-17 18:26:01

Report her to her employer. Please do not put this "man" on the birth certificate, I'm speaking from experience.

UnbornMortificado Sat 01-Apr-17 18:27:14

Have you a CPN or mental health worker Jade? They are usually quite clued up on such matters.

Congratulations on your pregnancy flowers

DaffodilTime Sat 01-Apr-17 18:28:02

I'm so glad you've had this advice as it would be very easy to get incredibly stressed with these threats- and there they are blaming you for being stressed! Unbelievable.
It sounds from the advice you've had already that you'll be safe and an interesting thought one poster thought you don't need to put the dad on the birth certificate? I don't know anything about this

Patriciathestripper1 Sat 01-Apr-17 18:28:05

Move away as far as possible as soon as possible.
Don't put him on the birth certificate either.
He and his mother are controlling Dicks and will make your life hard.
Make sure you breast feed so they can't have the baby at all if they happen to find where you move too,
They are both bullies, and get some legal advice.

AnneLovesGilbert Sat 01-Apr-17 18:28:13

Typed too much and too slowly. You've had some really good advice. I know it's horrible but try to focus on you and your baby now, not what lies ahead. And what PP said about telling your midwife about the threats they've made to you to make sure you get all the support you can.

Do you have a friend of family member you could go and stay with for a bit to get your head together and have a bit of a rest? Then you can make a plan and arrange to move (far far away) if that's what would be best for you.

viques Sat 01-Apr-17 18:29:52

Very important.
When your daughter is born you do NOT have to agree to put his name on the birth certificate if you do not want to, no matter what they say.

Not having his name on there will not make any difference to the maintenance he needs to pay.

Not allowing your daughter to stay with him every week will not stop you claiming for maintenance.

You are allowed to live wherever you want to.

If his mother is in social services then she has to abide by codes of conduct, threatening to remove your child from you for no reason breaks all the rules.

I hope the worries over your baby's development are resolved, try to take a friend to your appointments for support.

UnbornMortificado Sat 01-Apr-17 18:30:26

Daffodil unless your married you don't need to have the father on the BC.

Jade27xx Sat 01-Apr-17 18:31:39

I contacted womens aid. And i attend counselling to help me through whats going on. I think because im wuite young they are takkng advantage of me.

They were also saying if i stop my daughter seeing her dad she will grow up to hate me. Which i also dont want and i dont want her not to see her dad.

I just feel scared and anxious in it all. I cant return to my property bevause he knows where it is and k. Scared incase he turns up at the door.

He refused to help.me buy the things she needs. He sakd aslong as she bas what she needs at his house. Then he started saying he has no time for her due to worm commitments. I feel hes saying one thing then changing it the next.

I don't think he wants the baby i think its his mother.

LIZS Sat 01-Apr-17 18:34:00

If he's harassing and threatening you have you reported it to police. You could get an order preventing contact. This would help after baby is born.

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