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Fraudulent parents?

(2 Posts)
Shwangalangadingdong Wed 29-Mar-17 23:50:23

My parents live with my grandmother, and have done for the last ten years. My DGM is 89, my DM is 64 and my DD is 66.

My parents don't pay rent or bills and have a substantial property which is attached to my DGM's house which is their private area. They go away a three times a year for a total of 12 weeks, and while away spend a lot of money of luxury items. I'd guess they spend around £25000 a year on all this and this has been going on for the last 8-9 years.

Neither of them work or have done for the last ten years. I don't know exactly what their personal income is but they have standard pensions from a government employer which have only just started and I have no idea what their income was previous to this.

They make meals and do basic housekeeping for my DGM but have never had anything more challenging to deal with other than a couple of hospital visits due to falls she has had in the last year and small tasks occasionally.

DGM recently broke ankle just after they left for a five week cruise. My brother went to visit her and found that she had been suffering at home for 24 hours after she broke her ankle. She ended up in hospital for 3 weeks and was only allowed home when my DM and DF got home. My brother and me visited her while she was in hospital and helped to get her home. We love her very much and we were happy she was back at home.

Our parents returned and immediately told us both that they are going on a safari in October for 5 weeks. My brother and me decided that we would no longer be prepared to cover up our parents lavish lifestyle to my DGM anymore if they are prepared to go away and leave her in danger again. We have questioned between ourselves how they can afford all this stuff for years but have been persuaded by our parents to keep it a secret from my DGM in order to keep the peace.

So we told our parents that we are not prepared to keep the trips and the other money stuff a secret from our DGM anymore. We have said that they cannot leave her again without any support. They have already lied to her since they got back and said that we (me and DBRO) were trying to get her put into a home. We feel like they are threatening her with this subtly as we very much want her to stay in her own house and she told us her wishes over and over again while she was in hospital

We are scared that she is in a vulnerable position living with them and want to help her. We are really worried that if my parents have been defrauding and / or bullying her in some way and we bring it out into the open that she will not cope with it. She is extremely bright and competent though so still able to do something about her situation.

We have tried to contact her and arrange to meet up with her but she has said she's too busy and there's a lot going on.

I am posting to ask for advice bearing in mind that we want to go about this issue with as little upset to my DGM as possible even if that means doing nothing. Any advice?

whataboutbob Thu 30-Mar-17 11:03:20

Do they have power of attorney for your grandmother' s finances? If so you can register a concern with the Office of the Public guardian.
Just. A thought, even though your grandmother sounds good for her age, do not underestimate​ the hard work involved in supporting an elderly person at home, your parents are likely to react with indignation at any questions and may be self justifying on the basis that " we deserve it".

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