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School holiday childcare cost dispute

(17 Posts)
Overtiredbackagain Wed 15-Feb-17 15:07:22

I need MN advice.

My ex and I have been divorced for three years. We have two DC together, DS11 and DD7. ExH has paid maintenance through CMS for last year, he only sees DC on a Sunday - his choice.

I have asked him to take 9 days off for various school holidays this year - 4 days at Easter, one week summer holiday. He has refused, so I suggested he pay for the holiday club, he refused again, saying that is what maintenance is for. I called CMS and they confirmed school holidays are out of their remit, as a parent with joint responsibility, he should pay half.

I know his will dig his heels further, so my question, if I were to see a solicitor, do I have a leg to stand on making him either pay or taking the time off? I have never stopped him seeing the DC, although lately my DD is refusing to go as ExH favours DS over her sad

Advice please greatly appreciated.

GreenGoblin0 Wed 15-Feb-17 16:26:41

legally I don't think he is obliged to pay for childcare on days children are due to be with you.

Overtiredbackagain Wed 15-Feb-17 16:48:19

No I'm talking school holidays, not necessarily days they are with me, they are always with me! I work full time, get 5 weeks holiday, they get 13 weeks school holiday, he has joint parental responsibility and therefore responsible for half the time? He chooses to only see them on a Sunday.

I have asked him to take 9 days holiday for the whole 13 weeks to provide childcare, he's refused?

Overtiredbackagain Wed 15-Feb-17 16:49:31

CMS have said he is responsible for half school holiday childcare but it is extra to maintenance so out of their remit to force it?

Overtiredbackagain Wed 15-Feb-17 16:49:51

Enforce it

prh47bridge Wed 15-Feb-17 17:24:20

The point is that, whether or not they are with you physically, they are in your care. You are responsible for any childcare arrangements whilst the children are in your care. You cannot force him to take days off to provide childcare nor can you force him to pay. Legal action will get you nowhere.

I have no idea why the CMS said he should pay half. You may think that morally he should contribute but legally he does not have to. Parental responsibility does not mean he is responsible for half the time. That isn't how it works.

Overtiredbackagain Wed 15-Feb-17 20:05:38

So he gets to decide when to be a parent, which is 5 hours a week sad

Collaborate Thu 16-Feb-17 07:30:07

Yes. Although for every father like him, there are more who would love to see their children more but can't.

TenaciousOne Thu 16-Feb-17 07:41:31

collaborate I'm sure the OP can take relief from knowing that other men would love the opportunity to see their children when the one that matters to her doesn't.
Sadly OP there isn't anything you can do.

BoboChic Thu 16-Feb-17 07:46:48

He sounds really horrrible, OP. (I know this is not helpful but it is unusual for a parent to care so little for his D.C.).

Could the D.C. not ask their father to take time off? He might respond better to them than to you?

AlexanderBerry Sat 18-Feb-17 04:16:35

I'm sure the advice you've been given on here is correct. It seems really unfair though doesn't it. Imagine if you took the same attitude he does and refused to take time off or pay for childcare. Or even just refused to cover more than half. You've only asked him to cover less than two weeks to your five and he won't even do that. Plus he upsets one of your children by favouring the other one. What a useless excuse of a dad. flowers

AcrossthePond55 Sat 18-Feb-17 04:30:50

I agree he's a selfish arse, but please don't put your children in the middle of it by having them ask him to take time off.

monkeyfacegrace Sat 18-Feb-17 04:33:47

If you were still all together, and you chose to leave, this would then be his problem. As it is, he left first, so it's your problem.

The remaining parent (I.e you in this case), can also leave if you choose. This is where social services and foster care step in.

But, that would make you a cunt, so obviously you won't do that. But he did. Because he is a cunt.

Happy to help.

DoublyTroubly Sat 18-Feb-17 05:07:41

Hi

You're the parent with care (PWC) and, as such, are eligible to claim benefits for the children. Therefore, you will be able to get child tax credits to cover up to 70% of the childcare costs (this is means tested)

The maintenance your ex pays will have been calculated by assuming that they sleep at his house a certain number of nights. If that number is 0, the he pays maximum maintenance based off his salary. He is not legally responsible to pay anything over and above that (assuming there is no court order)

Therefore, legally he has no responsibility towards childcare on any day other than a Sunday when he normally has the children

Of course, that is the legal situation. Morally, he is a cunt!

DoublyTroubly Sat 18-Feb-17 05:09:51

Also, do you really want to force your DD to spend 2 weeks of her holidays with him when she doesn't even want to go on a Sunday? How would you feel if she was begging you not to send her to him but you had no other way to get to work? It's probably better to organise paid childcare anyway

Overtiredbackagain Sat 18-Feb-17 15:24:31

I don't get tax credits anymore, well I do, but it's being deducted from the mahoosive over payment angry

I would never and I will not be asking him anymore. My DC are reaching a stage they are making their own mind up about him, I can only sit and be here for them. Apparently, he has reported me for harassment to the CMS because I dared to suggest him contributing to holiday club?! hmm

I will find the money for holiday club when they need to go, fortunately DS is of an age (nearly 12) where he prefers to stay home with his iPad so just DD to pay for (£32.50 a day!) and I have some amazing friends who will help where they can and vice versa.

Overtiredbackagain Sat 18-Feb-17 15:25:16

Thank you to everyone who has responded x

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