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Advice re separation/divorce

(19 Posts)
HarperValleyHypocrite Mon 13-Feb-17 13:46:27

Can anyone help me with some general information regarding separation please?

I'm 27, married just under 2 years. Relationship has been turbulent at best and down-right abusive at best (might start a separate thread in relationships as I'm faltering over decision and could do with some hand holding).

I haven't yet had a chance to go to CAB or a solicitor but I'm terrified and anxious about money.

Do things just get split down the middle in terms of joint assets?

We own a house together - I am named on mortgage but he paid deposit and has made all the mortgage payments and several overpayments. We also own 2 cars which he bought outright and are both in his name. 'My' car is worth a lot less than his.

H is a high earner, I'm on professiinal graduate wage. Ideally I would like to stay in our house as DS is in school close by but ni idea re the legal side of this and probably couldnt afford to anyway.

We have seperate bank accounts. H has a lot of savings, I have none. We have never had 'family' money. He takes care of most necessities and I cover the rest and have often been left to struggle while he has big savings

Just looking for general info/advice as this a big mental block for me in terms of going forward with seperation because im so worried.

HarperValleyHypocrite Mon 13-Feb-17 13:48:14

Sorry for all the spelling/grammar mistakes. Think I'm stressed out confused

peppatax Mon 13-Feb-17 13:53:41

You're 27 - loads of time to sort yourself financially and that's also loads of time to live in an unhappy marriage that doesn't work for you. Don't stay because of money worries.

HarperValleyHypocrite Mon 13-Feb-17 14:47:04

I know that in theory peppa think I'm just second guessing every little thing at the moment.

It's more short term having somewhere to live etc that is my biggest thing. I wouldn't be entitled to any help as far as I know but equally my wage would be very stretched renting in this area.

peppatax Mon 13-Feb-17 15:07:49

Is he DS' father? Will custody be shared?

HarperValleyHypocrite Mon 13-Feb-17 15:59:08

Yes he is DS father and custody will hopefully be shared to some degree but I imagine not 50/50, at least not to begin with because of H's work arrangements - he is abroad a lot. Most likely DS will live with me full time apart from weekends/odd night when H is home.

peppatax Mon 13-Feb-17 16:58:26

Well in which case you'll get maintenance for DS - factor that in too. I took a huge drop in living standards when I separated but it was worth it, no one would ever leave otherwise as shared finances will always go further.

Is he expecting a separation or will it come as a shock?

HarperValleyHypocrite Mon 13-Feb-17 19:15:12

Yes I guess I am just concerned as I know it will be major major lifestyle change for me and DS. He is a responsible dad though in terms of providing for DS I will give him that and I know he wouldn't see him stuck. I'm just sad about losing my home and my life as it is now on top of all the emotional turmoil. I know it will be better in the long-run though.

He knows it's coming we have discussed it I've just put it off so long but can't anymore as it's just not worth the distress any longer.

Collaborate Mon 13-Feb-17 20:52:10

It is unlikely the assets will be split down the middle - the fact there is such a young child and he has housing needs, and you are on a lot less than your husband, means that your needs may not be met by a split down the middle.

You should take some advice from a lawyer.

HarperValleyHypocrite Mon 13-Feb-17 20:59:21

Thanks Collaborate I do intend to meet with a solicitor. Have booked some time off work to sort a few things out so looking into meeting with someone on my day off.

Realistically from my current calculations I wouldn't be able to afford house if I had to buy H out of his half but rent round here would actually be more than our mortgage is and if we have to move from area it means school move for DS and I would have to look for new job. My industry rarely advertises so this would mean potentially going back to a lower wage. It's a minefield and I'm not great with finances - H has taken care of most to date and very much kept me in the dark.

Collaborate Mon 13-Feb-17 22:34:14

But what if you didn't have to pay him for his half? How much are we talking about anyway? the court can order him to transfer his half to you. You may also be entitled to spouse maintenance if the imbalance in income is large enough.

HarperValleyHypocrite Tue 14-Feb-17 14:21:17

Collaborate we have about £100 000 left on mortgage at present but total value of house I'm not sure about as house prices have risen fairly rapidly in our area since we moved here.

H earns approx 4-5 times more than me.

Collaborate Tue 14-Feb-17 15:02:34

It will be worthwhile you seeing a solicitor and getting their initial view, but you want to be looking at more than half the house (perhaps you remaining in it) and spousal maintenance.

There will be much more to it though than you can divulge on this site.

babybarrister Tue 14-Feb-17 15:54:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HarperValleyHypocrite Tue 14-Feb-17 22:10:19

Thank you both flowers

I will see about getting an initial appointment for some legal advice.

I'm in position where I feel totally incapable even discussing finances because I've been so detached from them but H very much engineered that situation to be honest and I need to get myself clear about everything.

babybarrister Wed 15-Feb-17 08:53:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HarperValleyHypocrite Wed 15-Feb-17 13:20:33

Thank you babybarrister I will send you a message x

Fidelia Wed 15-Feb-17 13:46:32

Did you cohabit before marrying? If so, that counts as if you'd been married for that entire time.

If not, then you've only been married for a short time, so without children would normally each take out what you brought to the marriage and split the rest. With a dc it's more complicated and the court will want to make sure your dc needs can be met, as the first priority....not sure how that works in a short marriage.

HarperValleyHypocrite Wed 15-Feb-17 17:44:05

Yes Fidelia we have co-habited for around 5 years and house bought before we married.

H tried at the time to not put me on mortgage as 'punishment' for something I'd done to upset him but thankfully that wasn't the case in the end.

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