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Contact Court Order

(1 Post)
AKP79 Wed 01-Feb-17 11:29:55

There is a very standard court order in place for contact between DS and his father. It's been in place for 3 years now - my DS is now 5 years old.

DS lives with me and every January I plan contact for the whole year. My ex is not flexible. He wants all dates up front and once agreed wont flex even for half an hour which can be stressful, but it is what it is. He also insists that all school holidays are split equally down to the minute and if he misses an hour wants it made up elsewhere.

The order states alternate weekends with Ex, half of all school holidays (divided as agreed between the parents) and for mother and father to agree the provision of special dates to the benefit of DS. We live 3 hours apart and meet halfway at all handovers.

My questions are:
- What constitutes a special date? My ex is claiming that his birthday is a special date - that's the exes birthday not DS. I had thought special dates were Fathers Day, Mothers Day, Weddings, family events etc
- I was ill on one handover date. I actually ended up in an ambulance two days later. I was too frightened of the repercussions from my ex had I said I was unable to make the handover, so I drove whilst feeling unwell rather than asking him to collect DS. I regret that decision, but could I have made a different decision and insisted he drove? I'm sure he would have insisted my elderly parents took DS instead, but can he do that?
- We are in the process of sorting out summer holiday dates. I have asked him to let me know when he is booking holidays so that I can accommodate this. He is being pedantic about the number of nights he has DS. There are 42 nights in the school holiday - 21 each. I have split it to take into consideration his two planned holidays (one abroad and one in the UK), but also to accommodate my work schedule, the childminders availability and a week's holiday we'd like to take with DS. It has resulted in him being short one night. Is that really as big an issue as he is making it? Can I be held accountable for that?
- Finally, during term time the handovers take place on a Friday evening until Sunday. Sometimes there are discos and events on at the school on the Friday night DS is due with his father. What's the right course of action for this? DS always wants to go to these, it's hyped up at school and he doesn't want to miss out. Do I ask my ex if DS can go and suggest meeting later and accept his decision? Do I state that DS is going and we will meet later?

Any advice on this would be welcomed. I am feeling very controlled and bullied by this man and his partner, but equally I don't know how much I can assert myself with regards to these matters.


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