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(49 Posts)
tiger14 Mon 23-Jan-17 18:36:55

11 years ago my husband had a one night stand. The woman (out of the blue, no contact for the last 11 years) messaged him and said her 11 year old daughter was his. What I want to know is can we legally force her to take dna test? The problem is all we have is an email address. If we can take her court how does it work?

thatdearoctopus Mon 23-Jan-17 18:46:15

Before you go as far as taking her to court (with all the associated expense), how about asking her if she'd mind a DNA test?

MrsDustyBusty Mon 23-Jan-17 18:50:50

I don't know whether you can compel anyone to submit to any procedures against their will.

tiger14 Mon 23-Jan-17 18:54:14

Have done that and so far she has ignored us. So I just want to find out where we stand.

pinkieandperkie Mon 23-Jan-17 18:59:44

Oh dear, this must have come as quite a shock for you. I think that you need to have a conversation with her.

tiger14 Mon 23-Jan-17 19:01:52

We are trying........ she has already tried blackmailing him, she told him she wanted £10k or she'd tell me. Unluckly for her he told me himself as we have an honest relationship.

thatdearoctopus Mon 23-Jan-17 19:20:06

Oh Lordie, she's one of those!! flowers

tiger14 Mon 23-Jan-17 19:22:05

Yes she is, hence I want to see where we stand legally......

pinkieandperkie Mon 23-Jan-17 19:24:36

Wow 10k. She sounds charming.

pinkieandperkie Mon 23-Jan-17 19:25:21

Wow 10k. She sounds charming.

thatdearoctopus Mon 23-Jan-17 19:27:18

Apart from informing you that her daughter is his, what else is she asking for? Acknowledgement? Maintenance? Contact?

tiger14 Mon 23-Jan-17 19:39:51

Well this is it, apart from demanding money, not much. I feel like her only aim was/is to cause trouble. She hasn't actually asked for anything, other than the blackmail attempt. I have asked her what her end game is, but again no answer

Ilovecaindingle Mon 23-Jan-17 19:41:46

I would assume she is in debt and trying to pull a fast one...
Ignore until she is prepared to prove her allegations. .

tiger14 Mon 23-Jan-17 19:47:32

I would love nothing more than to ignore her and her go away. I'm just concerned she'll keep cropping up every so often throwing our world into turmoil. Plus if it his then he has a right to know.....

Ilovecaindingle Mon 23-Jan-17 19:51:33

What would he do with his right to know?
She doesn't sound like she would be the 'packing the child off to df for the week end' sort of woman. Think - years of custody battle til the dd is old enough to decide herself - which won't be too long anyway. . Maybe he needs to get a free solicitor half hour. .

tiger14 Mon 23-Jan-17 19:52:38

That's very true.... didn't know you could do that with a solicitor?

Tracker4 Mon 23-Jan-17 19:53:34

Does your dh actually know her or is she just sending emails to random email addresses?

tiger14 Mon 23-Jan-17 19:57:57

Yes he does know her. He isn't however certain he had sex with her as he was drunk. We only have her word for that. But why would she find and contact him after all these years if she didn't think he was the father?

PatriciaHolm Mon 23-Jan-17 20:05:50

If she wants to claim maintenance officially, a court can order a DNA test if your partner denies paternity. Other than that, you can't do much if she doesn't want to play ball.

MrsBertBibby Mon 23-Jan-17 20:14:20

If your husband wants to pursue it he would need to apply for a declaration of parentage. The Court can direct DNA testing. She cannot be compelled, but testing can go ahead just with samples from the child and your husband. If she refuses to agree to samples from the child being taken, the Court can order that to be done.

tiger14 Mon 23-Jan-17 20:22:11

OK, thank you. So if it becomes necessary then we we do have some way of sorting it. Just don't want it hanging over us.......

ChickenLicken22 Mon 23-Jan-17 20:36:51

Has she produced a birth certificate to prove there is actually a child?

I don't think he has to be named for her to claim maintenance but I would imagine she would have to start the ball rolling with the relevant agencies/ the court.

tiger14 Mon 23-Jan-17 20:42:53

No birth certificate shown, I never even thought of that......

Collaborate Mon 23-Jan-17 23:51:37

Cheapest way to prove paternity is with a CSA organised DNA test. If she goes to the CSA he could dispute paternity. He'd have to pay upfront for a DNA test, and he'd be reimbursed if he's not the father, but it's cheaper than on the open market as the CSA have a bulk contract.

I suspect if she's after money there's something fishy going on. All she has to do is go to the CSA.

Collaborate Mon 23-Jan-17 23:52:31

Birth certificate might be a red herring. The father has to be present to go on it.

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