Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.
decree nisi(9 Posts)
Hi long story, but I applied for a divorce for my stbx husbands unreasonable behaviour at the start of august 2016. we had been separated for two years and we hadn't seen in him in that time. the same week he got the divorce petition and also the letter from child maintenance for the £3k he owes the children. That week he walked out on the job and has been on zero income since then. He also took me to court for access to the 3 children, which cost me 4k in legal fees, he ended up with only indirect contact of cards 3 times a year with the youngest child. He also refused to return the divorce petition. I issued private process servers which he hid from, he admitted to them via his mother and on the phone he had the papers and was refusing to return them so I applied for deemed service. He then applied for defended divorce. I have spent last few months with his control and abuse via the family court system and now the divorce court system. and also financial abuse. (he was a abusive man in the marriage). I have sent in a lot of forms and paperwork to the judge and today finally heard the decree nisi will be heard on February the 14th (ironically). His application for a defended divorce was thrown out. I think I have to wait for the decree nisi and then apply 6 weeks later for the absolute. My main worry now is finances as he refused mediation. So this will be more court dates. I am disabled and a carer to our children who are disabled. He has a large pension, savings, inheritance etc. (funnily enough he has no income but can run a car and have at least 3 foreign holidays a year where I have no transport and we have not even had a night away in 3 years). I know he will of hidden anything he has. and I am worried about having to face him in court again, I have nothing left for legal fees. Every penny was taken spent fighting him in the family court. They took every penny of a PIP back payment to pay the legal fees so I was penniless. does anyone have any help or advice with the decree nisi to absolute stage, and the finances stage? thank you for reading this x
DO NOT APPLY FOR DECREE ABSOLUT UNTIL YOUR FINANCES ARE SORTED I was advised it makes things far more complicated. See advice on this.
Go and get free 30 minute consultations with at least 3 local solicitors who deal with family finance (stagger the appointments as you'll learn more at each one). Definitely contact Women's Aid immediately as they also offer free legal advice and can discuss legal aid if there is reported domestic abuse - see the new Coersive & Controlling Behaviour Act - these actions are now a criminal offence and punishable by imprisonment. A lot will depend on dates of this happening etc but take their advice first. Good luck.
Absolutely do not apply for Decree Nisi until finances are sorted. Once it is granted you can not make any arrangements for support/settlement.
I repeat, you must sort out the financial arrangements before the Decree Nisi is granted.
Make sure you also get financial severance so you can't be made responsible for any hidden debts he may have. .
Cost me £70 but I knew my ex had about 30 grand of debt coming his way!!
Yes don't apply for decree absolute till finances are sorted.
Depending on level of his wealth the court may push him back to mediation.
Agree with talking to women's aid, and also trying to get some initial appointments with solicitors to get a feel for costs etc
So sorry you are going through this, it's really tough, have been there with my ex using the court system as a way to keep abusing me after I finally found the courage to leave
The reasons for not applying for decree nisi are wildly misstated above, but the advice not to is sound.
I know you're scared of yet more court, but this guy is never going to agree anything in mediation.
You need to just grit your teeth and make your application. Do you need help in doing that?
*Absolutely do not apply for Decree Nisi until finances are sorted. Once it is granted you can not make any arrangements for support/settlement.
I repeat, you must sort out the financial arrangements before the Decree Nisi is granted*
This is not correct.
A financial order can only be made after decree nisi. It can also be made after decree absolute, as long as you haven't remarried (and can be made many years in the future), The main risk is if your ex was to die after decree absolute you would lose financial claims and possibly benefits so it is best not to apply for decree absolute.
OP, he is very difficult but you need to get this process started. The family court has not let you down so far by the sounds of it, although you be had to jump through the hoops. Issue a Form A (you will need it to be signed off by a mediator unless you have a Dv exemption) and get the process started. You will then have to file and exchange with each other full financial disclosure within about 8 weeks.
The link to the form is here
You may be eligible for help with court fees:
Is refusing to have children is enough for divorce?
My husband & I agreed to divorce because I refused to have children!
We married 7 years ago, first we decided that we would not have any children but now my husband has changed his mind.
Is this a good ground for divorce?
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.