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Can I post a really long question?

(10 Posts)
KenzieBoosMummy Sun 15-Jan-17 10:47:01

Ok I'm desperate for some guidance and have less than 24 hours left to go before I have to decide for real!
Is it ok to post a really long question? Might take a good ten mins to read. (Involves whether to get a Non-Mol on my ex or not) Can some of up spare the time pls? I'm falling apart here!!


GreenAndWinter Sun 15-Jan-17 11:46:04

I think women's aid would be better placed to advise. It might also be unwise to give too much detail, in case you could be identified, because that might cause you trouble.

If you need a non molestation order, then you should get one. I don't know much about the legalities myself (although I have been through this process twice), but there are some clued up people on this board who might be able to advise.

Hope you're okay? If you're in any danger, please get real life help quickly.

KenzieBoosMummy Sun 15-Jan-17 12:05:58

No danger! That's why I'm doubting doing it.

Basically, my ex keeps dipping in & out of my daughter's & my life and when he's in touch he's verbally abusive over phone. There was DV when we were together but not since just verbal.
However I strongly believe in allowing controlled & supervised visitation because he IS a good dad to her when he's with her and she misses him. It's just me he's abusive to. Due in court tomorrow and starting to have doubts. As once it's in place, although he CAN still apply to court to see her, I think it's likely to make him disappear out of her life for good.
I know some ppl will say "Why would you want someone like that around your daughter" but honestly, he isn't like that towards her. And I know that he wouldn't disappear if he loved her but he claims he was gone to 'let things calm down?'

He also has ASD so I try to allow just a bit of his poor judgement slide on that basis as he doesn't think the same way as us. Don't get me wrong I am not making excuses for him!!!! I've never been more angry at anyone as I am with him!!!!! If I had it my way he'd wish he'd never been born!!!!!!!
But there are sooooo many elements to this that I don't have the time to type! But the upshot is this non-mol could give us the peace of mind that he isn't going to be abusive and upsetting towards me again or he'll get arrested. However my daughter loses her Daddy whom she misses and could (if he finally agreed to it) build a relationship up with him in a contact centre. However I don't think the contact centre will happen if I get the non-mol. I don't think he'll ever dare contact me again for fear that we'll argue and he'll end up getting in trouble?!

PLEASE be kind your responses I'm really emotional over this. Crying as I type. I know to some the answer may seem simple but to me it seems far from it.... confusedsad

Thanks x

KenzieBoosMummy Sun 15-Jan-17 12:08:45

Oh and I doubt he'll ever be able to apply to Court for access as he couldn't possibly afford it and no entitlement to Legal Aid (although I get full LA cos of DV) and he is def NOT the type to represent himself!! X

KenzieBoosMummy Sun 15-Jan-17 15:35:55


BobbieDog Sun 15-Jan-17 15:38:50

Ok so the court thing tomorrow is that to stop contact or put in place a contact?

Joz157 Sun 15-Jan-17 15:57:36

I've never had to get an order, my exh was never violent with me as such it was things like wrecking the bed room, I wasn't even in the house, throwing a pan of curry in the kichen, made a right mess, but as he said never laid a finger on me.. He also had our dd every sat/sun. A few year after he rang me to say he was bringing her back early. We were out and rushed home to find dd who was now right sitting on the door step.. She had gone in his fridge and eaten some cheese, he went mad, shouting, swearing and scaring her witless, so much so that she wouldn't stay with him for the next couple of years. This is something I never saw coming and although you want to keep the relationship between your daughter and ex you can't know what is going to it possible to take the order out and him still have visits either with another adult or another adult being with you while he visits.if he really wanted a relationship with his daughter then surely he would still visit and if he didn't try to visit then he obviously isn't bothered.

GreenAndWinter Sun 15-Jan-17 19:07:27

Asd is not an excuse for being abusive. Please leave this out of your thinking, you need to concentrate on what is best.

If you suspect that he will fade out rather than taking you to court, then maybe the non molestation order would be best on the long run. Children can be so hurt by parents who aren't really bothered.

This has been my approach. I refused unsupervised contact without a cafcass report, and the children's father simply can't be bothered to go to court about it. It suits him far better to be able to bleat about parental alienation, and tell everyone who will listen that I'm stopping him from seeing the children. It would cost under £300 to represent himself in court, but he would rather buy golf clubs. The children miss him but are better off without him and have been much happier and more settled without him in their lives.

KenzieBoosMummy Sun 15-Jan-17 19:46:06

Bobbie - Tomorrow is neither. Nothing to do with Contact, is just to get the Non-Mol x

KenzieBoosMummy Tue 17-Jan-17 08:54:03

Ok thanks Greenandwinter Sorry for delayed reply x

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