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Cross Petition divorce - any experiences or advice?

(6 Posts)
Hermonie2016 Mon 21-Nov-16 09:23:49

I had agreed with my H that he could petition for the divorce, based on him sharing the draft ahead of time and that it would not include our children.

Last week I received the petition which was highly inflammatory and references our dc (implication of me being abusive). H has blamed me (as I wanted the divorce) and his solicitor (never is anything his responsibility) but I know he would have approved the draft and he was just trying to be very hurtful.

I have asked him to stick with our original agreement to send me a draft, I have even amended his draft however I feel he may just be very awkward. I am also concerned that as he controls the process he could apply for the Absolute before finances agreed. I've asked my solicitor for advice but she is currently away.

Has anyone cross petitioned and if so how is it determined by a judge? I appreciate it increases costs substantially which I would like to avoid but H is a high conflict individual and I fear that him having control over the divorce is a high risk to me.

EnormousTiger Mon 21-Nov-16 18:17:36

We sent a draft to be approved first and I agreed to remove some parts my ex did not like before issue.

Cross petitions can be expensive I think and are rare - could you reach agreement with him to amend the petition now it's been issued instead?

I think you can hold up absolute through some legal process until finances are sorted out even if he doesn't want that but best ask your solicitor.

If he says you abused the children then I would resist it in case he uses that to take the children. If he just implies you were rude to him or something I'd just let it go.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Mon 21-Nov-16 18:21:12

Is there any truth in the incidents he mentions? The agreement to not include the DC seems unusual. If your solicitor is back soon, I'd wait for her - it seems your husband doesn't want to stick to your agreement and I'd be wondering why he'd decided it was worth risking a cross petition to try and include references to the DC. Could he be trying to place foundations to argue for the children?

Hermonie2016 Tue 22-Nov-16 17:49:07

Appreciate the comments.

I started our divorce as he was very aggressive and hostile. The child abuse is his definition - if I contradict him or he feels I ignore him in front of DC (trying not to start a argument) it means I am trying to alienate him from the dc, which is child abuse.

Contradicting him could be if I disagree with anything he says. An incident he gave me was where ds asked me a question in the car relating to motorways and he contradicted it, I restated that I thought xyz. He sees that as me trying to alienate as I just need to agree. (aka shut up and be quiet). He has told me I can't say No to him as it hurts his feelings.

We had agreed that I would see and amend the draft before it went to solicitors but he seemed to renege on that which makes me doubt anything he says. He was married before and had a very hostile divorce and the comment about not including our dc's came from that.

I don't think he wants more time with dc as he values his career too much. I think he wanted the petition to be hurtful and to cause a reaction. He said it was my fault for forcing him to have a divorce.

My solicitor has now written to his to say it's not approved and we have agreed to amend it but if he doesn't I'm not sure what approach to take.

Hermonie2016 Tue 22-Nov-16 17:58:29

My family and friends think he has deliberately made the petition so hostile with lots of lies so that I can't agree to it and therefore the divorce doesn't go through.

Hermonie2016 Thu 24-Nov-16 16:29:38

I have just had a sensible draft from stbxh, he is now being very conciliatory.
Absolute head fuck. Confirms how my life has been nice/nasty cycle.

Not sure if my solicitors letter caused the change of heart or if he realised he had been a complete bastard.

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