Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Mother in law causing trouble

(15 Posts)
user1474319850 Sat 05-Nov-16 22:38:08

Hi um this is kinda personal but i didnt know what else to do and google wasnt answering anything. When i fell pregnant, my ex left me and refused to have anything to do with us. Before we broke up, he told his mother (as we are quite young) and she came over my house. She is a social worker and to cut it short basically said if i didnt have an abortion she would make my life hell because of her job. A few months later my ex said he wants to talk so i phoned him, little did i know his mother was there and she said if i didnt let my ex see the baby she would tell social services some story about me being an unstable person. I told my ex to stop lying about things because he was saying i cheated on him (i never ever did that) and then she said if i thought he was good lying she could do ten times better to social services. She said she could get grandparents rights and that she could get custody. Obviously because she is a social worker im stressing myself out? What can i do? I have written what was said down but it was over the phone so i cant prove it. Should i go to the police or social services and tell them what she's doing?

Any advice is appreciated thank you xx

ummizoomi Sat 05-Nov-16 22:43:00

Get yourself a lawyer and get them to send her a threatening letter. Something along the lines of an injunction and also threatening to report her to SS for breach of duty of care and also assault.

OohhThatsMe Sat 05-Nov-16 22:45:55

Well, of course she can't get custody. Why would she? And why would she want to when she wanted you to have an abortion? Just because she's a social worker it doesn't mean she gets first dibs on other people's babies!

If she is threatening you, then you need to get legal advice. If you can't afford to see a solicitor, go to the Citizens' Advice Bureau and ask them for help (it's free.) If they can't help then you could go to the police station and speak to one of the staff there.

Has she sent you any texts or emails? Anything written down?

PurpleDaisies Sat 05-Nov-16 22:58:00

Are you still pregnant or have you had the baby?

Have you thought about how you want your ex to be involved when the baby is born? He should be contributing financially and it's probably easier to try and agree something before the baby comes. It goes without saying that any social worker behaving like that is deeply unprofessional. I agree with the advice above about talking to the citizens advice bureau or solicitor to see what they suggest.

Ouriana Sat 05-Nov-16 23:01:56

There are no grandparents rights that would mean she gets custordy.

Are you still pregnant?
You need to stop all contact with these vile people.

Semd him an email adress and insist on any contact be done using that then do not answer the phone to him.
If he rings, hang up.

That way you have evodence of any threats that are made should they ever attempt to cause trouble.

OohhThatsMe Sat 05-Nov-16 23:03:32

Evidence is your friend here. Try to get things in writing.

user1474319850 Sat 05-Nov-16 23:07:26

I wrote what she was saying down as she said them. I have texts of my ex saying if I dont have an abortion he would kill himself (he photoshopped photos of his wrist with cuts and said i made him do it because i refused to have an abortion). I have complained to the council she works for but i feel like they will take her side because she works there. Kind of like protect your own

9troubledwaters Sat 05-Nov-16 23:08:36

That's awful, she shouldn't be a social worker. You need evidence, record it next time

OohhThatsMe Sat 05-Nov-16 23:11:22

I wouldn't speak to her except to say "Put it in writing."

Starlight2345 Sat 05-Nov-16 23:16:40

I agree with the previous poster text him tell him this is your email and any further correspondence will be through email.

Any phonecalls don't take.

As for her rights..From what I understand.. I am not in the legal profession... If she was receiving regular contact and that stopped she would have the right to apply for something to then ask for contact. Sure more legal people will correct any mistakes .

When I was in mediation years ago , ex said MIL was taking me to court for access ( she hadn't even asked to see DC ) . I was told by mediator contact for NRP is usually arranged before any consideration of granparents.

How far gone are you? I would also inform him you will let him know when baby is born and then you can discuus contact.

Atenco Sun 06-Nov-16 00:04:10

Get ye to the Citizens' Advice Bureau as fast as you can, OP.

As for grandparents' rights, I believe those only apply in extreme circumstances, where the grandparents have majorly figured in a child's life and then been cut off.

ummizoomi Sun 06-Nov-16 20:33:19

1. Tape every conversation
2. Take photos of all verbal communication.
3. Do not put your EX details on baby's birth certificate.
4. Don't respond to any emails, text.
5. Don't hesitate to go to police and file a case for harassment and intimidation.
5. Speak to your Health visitor/GP.
6. Speak to social services. MIL doesn't own SS. Demand to make a complaint against her but obvs for u to do that, you will need evidence.

aginghippy Mon 07-Nov-16 12:05:24

Instead of or in addition to complaining to her employers, you might also consider making a complaint about her behaviour to the Health & Care Professionals Council, the professional regulator for social workers.

Elfieselfie Thu 10-Nov-16 21:41:49

Inform the Local Authority Designated Officer (LADO) as she is in a position of trust.

Also inform the HCPC as per post above.

gingeroots Fri 11-Nov-16 12:00:16

Sounds awful .I do wonder if this person really is a social worker .What makes you think she is ?

Good advice on here ,I'm glad you posted . Be brave and carry on ,see CAB .

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now