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STBXH won't move out of rented accommodation!

(20 Posts)
CaptainM Thu 06-Oct-16 12:14:49

My STBXH and I are getting divorced and it's turning into a big mess! We have 2 dcs (4 & 6 years old) and live in a rented house. He was pushing to us to move out of the rented house at the same time as telling dcs about divorce. As I didn't want to cause too much disruption to the children all at once, I agreed to take on the tenancy so we both met with the landlord at the end of the last tenancy, and signed a new tenancy with me as the sole tenant and responsible for our £2k/month rent (something I can barely afford but was determined to sort out for the agreed 6-month tenancy whilst I figure out next steps).

My STBXH agreed to move out on 24th August which is a couple of weeks after I took over the tenancy.

My big, stressful dilemma is that when the time came, he changed his mind and added a condition to the agreement - he will only move out if I agree to a 50:50 shared parenting plan! Our dcs are way too young for this arrangement and I'm dealing with a lot of EA and someone with clear narcissistic tendencies. He is not an involved parent (doesn't know their friends names, has never organised a play-date/birthday, bought them clothes/toys - although he's been showering them with them lately etc.). He is not putting their needs ahead of his - something that was also highlighted by our mediator during a hopeless 4-hr session where he just won't budge!

He now still lives in the house, has put a lock on the door of one of the rooms upstairs (which neither me nor the children are allowed into as he keeps it locked at all times, including when he uses the toilet at night. I know because I constantly get woken up by his keys jingling as he lets himself back in at night).

The situation is causing a lot of anxiety of our dcs who keep asking why we're not getting on, when/if daddy is going to move out, if I'm going to move out or they're going to move out.

I have been in touch with the landlord who has had to get his own solicitor but it's a challenge to get him out as he'd have to sue both of us (on joint tenancy) and I would have to sue him back (because I'm not allowed full use/access of the house I'm paying for.

It's all a huge mess. Anyone experienced similar? Any words of advice? anything I should be doing that I'm, not doing? Help!

Important to note that he has refused to contribute to any rent, childcare, children's after school clubs etc.

MrsBertBibby Thu 06-Oct-16 12:27:29

You need to apply for an occupation order to get him out.

GingerIvy Thu 06-Oct-16 13:02:21

Would you be better by negotiating with the landlord to end the tenancy, find a place of your own, and letting him whistle on his own? I suspect he's doing this because he knows he can go around you, whereas I'd be willing to bet he's not going to directly take the landlord on.

CaptainM Thu 06-Oct-16 13:06:11

MrsBertBibby, I thought an occupation order was only possible if there's been DV?

CaptainM Thu 06-Oct-16 13:09:25

I suspect the landlord doesn't want the hassle and I don't blame him. He's guaranteed rent for the next 6 months and was already not happy about having to get a solicitor to advise him. I'll try and speak to him again. I clearly need legal advice separate from the divorce. Any recommendations from anyone?

sparechange Thu 06-Oct-16 13:12:48

Can you ask the landlord if you can end the tenancy and move out?
STBExH can either keep it on himself or move out as well.

It would be a lot less disruptive to your DCS than the current situation, and shows STBExH that his games don't get anywhere...

sparechange Thu 06-Oct-16 13:28:41

I suspect the landlord doesn't want the hassle and I don't blame him. He's guaranteed rent for the next 6 months and was already not happy about having to get a solicitor to advise him

It's probably worth sugest to him that it is probably going to cost him a lot less to terminate the tenancy now and get new tenants, than to have the hassle of solicitors and then potentially costs to get STBEx out of the house...

MrsBertBibby Thu 06-Oct-16 18:08:41

No, there doesn't need to have been violence, although that's the usual situation. The Court will consider tge parties' behaviour to each other, in this case, he agreed to push off, you took over the tenancy in reliance on that, and now he's messing you about, to the children's detriment.

Collaborate Thu 06-Oct-16 22:20:41

Get the Decree Absolute and his legal right to occupy the property comes to an end.

ElinoristhenewEnid Thu 06-Oct-16 22:21:32

I cannot understand how you can force him to move out if you are the sole tenant on the agreement.
I thought you could ask the police to forcibly remove him as he has no legal right to be there.

Longdistance Thu 06-Oct-16 22:26:40

If you're the sole tenant, he can whistle.

bloodyteenagers Thu 06-Oct-16 22:28:26

So he's not on the tenancy agreement?
When he goes to work I would change the locks.

Marmalade85 Thu 06-Oct-16 22:42:37

Change the locks. There's nothing he can do

ElinoristhenewEnid Thu 06-Oct-16 22:49:55

Can't not can!

CaptainM Fri 07-Oct-16 06:52:50

I had considered changing the locks but his solicitors wrote to say that even though he's taken himself off the tenancy, it's still his matrimonial home. I'm also concerned that he'll make a huge fuss, and cause dcs a lot of distress if he came back to find locks changed.

Collaborate, we got married abroad and he hid our marriage certificate when I initially asked for a divorce so I couldn't file. I started the process to get a new copy when I found out, only to receive a draft petition from his solicitors. He'd wanted to be the one to file. I said I was happy with that. This was a month ago. I chased via my solicitor yesterday, only to did out he hadn't filed after all! I'm back to chasing for certificate and will file as soon as I have it!

Collaborate Fri 07-Oct-16 07:40:32

Get a new MC and take control of the divorce yourself.

Also please don't listen to those on this thread who are advocating that you change the locks now. He would get an occupation order himself were he to apply to court. Occupation orders are not just about kicking the other person out. They are also there to prevent unlawful eviction, and excluding your spouse from a property that has been the marital home is unlawful without an occupation order authorising that exclusion.

CaptainM Fri 07-Oct-16 09:09:57

Thank you so much, Collaborate. I guess I'm on the right track then. Will focus on getting that new MC and taking back control.

Me2017 Fri 07-Oct-16 21:10:24

If you're paying all the rent and he's paying for nothing then you can apply to the court for interim spousal support (i.e. money now) pending any final divorce hearing. if he is forced to stump up half the rent that might help persuade him to leave.

CaptainM Fri 21-Oct-16 06:12:06

Thanks Me2017. I'm going to look into that. The divorce petition has now been filed, although it's bound to take forever. He's contributing nothing and withholding rent from our jointly-owned flat, which means I really can't afford this rent now. It's gotten progressively worse and the stress of it all is getting to me.

Chewingthecrud Fri 21-Oct-16 06:34:02

CaptainM this sounds awful.
He's a nasty piece of work for sure

Have you tri d speaking to WA? They can offer snippets of free legal advice which might help.

I'd definitely negotiate getting yourself off the tenancy early if you can and moving out

Keep a record of everything

Every school run you do, kids clothes you buyetc- you will need proof later on for the courts that he isn't contributing to the kids welfare and not just financially

Are you working? Don't deplete all our savings as you are going to need considerable legal advice over this I'd imagine

And talk to friends. Don't be ashamed as this isn't your fault your DH is an arse and you will need their support.

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