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How do I keep him away past his bail conditions?

(9 Posts)
Soopermum1 Sun 18-Sep-16 15:10:38

At the beginning of the divorce process. H is in total denial and got very angry and assaulted me in the house in front of the children. he has a long history of depression and unpleasant behaviour, though this is the first time the police have been involved. He was charged with and pleaded guilty to common assault and has been bailed until his trial. His bail conditions are that he doesn't come to the house and doesn't contact me directly or indirectly.

I can't have him back at the house after all this. The effect of his previous behaviour and the effect of his arrest has been enormous for everyone concerned (I have been on anti depressants for over a year and DS(12) is starting the CAHMs process due to his unsettled behaviour and binge/ comfort eating.

I intend to buy him out of the house and my parents have offered to cover first month's rent and deposit for him to rent a flat. When the divorce goes through he will get a large pay off and can then decide what to do with his life.

So, while the divorce proceeds and his bail lapses, what do i need to do to ensure there are provisions in place that prevent him coming back to the house and that there are provisions in place that I can build up contact with the children gradually while i establish what his state of mental health is. He is on the mental health crisis team list and has a social worker helping him. I have had very little contact from services and can't seem to get clear legal advice as, from what I can see, my query spans legal and civil processes. If there is danger of him just being set free with no conditions, I will raise an injunction but don't know if preparing an injunction now is jumping ahead of myself a bit?

smokeybacon Sun 18-Sep-16 15:15:57

It's likely that the prosecution on his sentence date will also ask for a restraining order in similar terms to his bail conditions. Check with the officer dealing that your feelings in this are passed to the cps but round here the victims thoughts are routinely sought (east mids). I am a criminal lawyer so have experienced this. Hope this reassures you , you should not be left without some protection.

AcrossthePond55 Sun 18-Sep-16 15:27:24

You need to see a solicitor ASAP, and call WA for advice.

I know there are orders in the UK you can get to keep him away. My understand also is that unless you have court orders regarding visits, that you don't have to let him see the children although often that's not looked on favourably in any court proceedings down the line. Perhaps offering him limited supervised contact at a contact centre?

If his name is on the house from what I understand you cannot legally change the locks. But that doesn't stop you from leaving the key in the locks or installing a chain because as a 'woman living alone you are afraid of intruders'. Technically you haven't denied him access as his key would still work, it's just that you 'forgot' and left the key in the lock and the chain on the door. This would only prevent him from entering when you are inside. You could also get a new lock because you 'accidentally broke the key off in the lock' and just not give him a key. He'd probably have to go to court to force you to give him one. That way he couldn't get in if you're gone unless he breaks a window. I'd do it now, before he's released, that way it can't be inferred you did it because of him, iyswim.

Soopermum1 Sun 18-Sep-16 15:42:41

Locks already changed. To hang with the legal situation. I got them changed when the police were pretty crap at keeping me informed and i had no idea if he would just be released and stroll back in. He threatened many times to smash up the house so I needed protection for the house when i wasn't in as well as when I am.

i do want him to have contact with the children. I genuinely want what's best for him, he is a loving father despite his issues, but I would want to see reports from his psych before I let him have unsupervised contact with the kids.

Thanks for the advice, will get back to the police tomorrow. They have been crap so I may have to put it in writing to them as well. Have tried many times to contact WA to no avail.

notarehearsal Mon 19-Sep-16 08:12:25

I think you need to apply for a non molestation order. If granted this can be put in place immediately. ( A family member did this through a solicitor through WA before the case went to court) As a restraining order can only be requested at time of conviction, I'd think that may not be soon enough if the case isn't heard for some time

MrsBertBibby Mon 19-Sep-16 09:12:10

You would certainly not be jumping the gun to apply now for orders. A restraining rder may or may not be made by the magistrates, it doesn't stop you seeking a non molestation (which can protect the children as well as you) and an occupation order preventing him from coming near the home.

You may also want to seek prohibited steps orders to stop him (for example) turning up at the kids' schools, other than by prior arrangement.

Get to a solicitor asap, a good family lawyer won't be phased by the ciminal aspects. You will be able to get legal aid for everything (if financially eligible,) given the prosecution.

Collaborate Mon 19-Sep-16 18:18:58

I too advise you go for a non-molestation order. You have control over it. You are the one asking for specific terms to keep you safe. You are the one enforcing any breach of it.

Even if the prosecution barrister/solicitor asks for a restraining order, it might not be on terms that suit you, you'll have no control over it, and will have to reply on the police to enforce any breach. Furthermore, you won't know until the end of the process whether one's even been asked for, let alone granted.

delboysfileofax Mon 19-Sep-16 18:25:49

I see WA has already been recommended by a previous poster. Whilst they are good for support and advice you may be better off going to

I have used these professionally and they do some outstanding work with non mols and restraining orders

simonpinkney Tue 27-Jun-17 11:18:43

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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