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Any thoughts on fathers changing access after 7 years ?

(3 Posts)
prettywhiteguitar Fri 02-Sep-16 16:38:05

Ds 8 has had access with his dad every other weekend, his dad went travelling for 6 months and has now decided to move away about 250 miles. Ds has been really distraught during the time he's been away and is going to devastated when he realises that he's moving away for good.

His dad has asked for weekend access every three weeks and then half of the holidays, I think this is going to be unworkable long term as he has form for not working and the cost of travelling will be very expensive and is likely to not keep up what has been agreed. Also having a full time job and leaving his girlfriend for the weekend every three weeks sounds fine now but I can't see it as a long term solution.

I'm suggesting mediation as I want some answers about why he's doing it and what he thinks it's going to do to ds. But is it me that's being unreasonable? Surely if I moved away he would have something to say about it ? How does it work the other way round ?

It's driving me crazy as it will be me that has to comfort a crying child who doesn't see his dad.

NNChangeAgain Fri 02-Sep-16 17:14:45

Legally, you can't stop him moving, or force him to commit to a contact schedule unless he wants to.

But, mediation is a really good opportunity to highlight the impact that his plans will have on his DS, and perhaps even involve your DS in the process (our local company acts as an advocate for DC's over a certain age).

If you enter into mediation with a plan not to berate or challenge him for his idea, but to accept that it is his choice, while at the same time emphasising the impact it will have on your DS and your desire to minimise that, you will make the mediators job a lot easier and hopefully, your ex will hear the message.
Whether he will change his plans as a result is down to him, but at least you will have tried your best.

prettywhiteguitar Fri 02-Sep-16 18:35:48

Thank you that's really helpful, I might look into the advocacy for ds.

My feeling is that if he had to explain how it's all going to work in front of a mediator the reality is going to sink in. At the moment he's abroad with his girlfriend so it's not real. I don't think he will change his mind but I want to stop him minimising how this will make ds feel.

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