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Advice needed for sister who's husband is abusing her

(3 Posts)
Marsbar82 Tue 12-Jul-16 11:17:36

Hi,

I wonder if anyone could offer some advice for my sister. She is married with two children, recently her husband found out she's been having an affair with another woman and since then they have stayed together but relationship is very unhealthy and I have recently found out he is being violent. He is also tracking her, not letting her have friends, she can't go out, threatening her with taking the children and leaving her with nothing etc. She he repeated three violent episodes to the police but not pressed charges. She has ended up in A&E after the last attack and a body map of injuries was done. Her work are aware of what is happening and she has a support worker helping her who has also logged injuries. Her girlfriend (they are still seeing each other unbeknownst to husband) has also logged all episodes and injuries.

It's got to the point now where he is telling her to leave the house but she won't without the kids. She can't support herself financially however and won't leave the kids behind. She is very scared and seems very reluctant to get the police involved any further.

Where does she stand legally? Can anyone offer any advice on what I can do to help and what she should do in terms of removing him from her life. Do his threats of taking the children from her carry any weight? Obviously for the kids it would be least disruptive for her to stay in the house with them but he sees it very much as his home (recently built, his dream home) but her name is on all papers etc.

Thanks for any help x

MrsBertBibby Tue 12-Jul-16 12:52:15

She needs to see a solicitor, and she should be able to get legal aid to get a non molestation order against him, and possibly an occupation order rremoving him from the house, although those can be quite hard to get (the non mol is easy). Once she has a non mol (or is in a refuge, or presses charges) then she may also get funding to sort out a divorce and the finances. Find a legal aid firm in her area.

She needs to act. If she remains there and does nothing about his violence, those children will be more and more damaged. I'm surprised social services aren't involved already. She is failing to protect them from his abuse of her.

She has to want to go though. She sounds like she is still invested in something, the marriage? The drama? The dream house? Abuse can seriously mess up the victim's priorities. You may have a long road before she is ready to take action.

Marsbar82 Tue 12-Jul-16 16:40:56

Thank you. Yes we've been looking into a non molestation order and trying to get her to do that. But you're right she's clinging on mainly for financial reasons I think. It is the 'dream house' and he has control over all the money as she earns very little but enjoys a very comfortable lifestyle which she thinks the children benefit from. Very frustrating.

Would she qualify for any legal aid under the new guidelines though? It seems virtually impossible to get sad

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