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Courts : contact center /

(12 Posts)
Bee8205 Wed 15-Jun-16 12:01:14

Dads second application to court , the first one he emailed day before , and said he didn't want to see them , this was last sep, this Jan got another , this is a very long story with a lot to it , so Carnt put everything , he has a 5 year restraing order for common assult on me last Aug , he's classed as high risk , he's not had any contact with the children for about a year and a half , the courts have orderd I take them to a contact center , caff cass did a feelings and best wishers , one doesn't one not botherd , I am terrified that if I don't do it I'll go to prison , what do I do , I can explane why in more detail why I don't think this is the right way for the kids

Fourormore Wed 15-Jun-16 15:15:34

If you have been ordered to do it then you need to do it. Presumably nothing has changed since the order was made?

nickymanchester Wed 15-Jun-16 16:23:26

If you are concerned about the possibility of bumping into him then don't worry.

Contact centres are set up to make sure that doesn't happen and have entirely different entrances and waiting areas etc. They also arrange for you to arrive at different times so that you won't meet him outside either

Bee8205 Wed 15-Jun-16 16:38:46

No what worries me , is that my son doesn't want to , for the past year with a lot of work and help that I got him both are stable , there life without there dad has been better , I see that becouse ov how much more happy they are , by being in that situation of dad in and out of there lives I understand as iv seen both ways / one dad inconsistent
Two dad not in there life's
I Carnt tell how much my children went through , not just mum and dad splitting up , but a new family , dad not wanting to see them , plus he told all his family not to see them , hence there granny and there 2 older brothers haven't , even though I face booked them and asked them to see them . All I have ever done is try try try .
The courts don't understand it's all black and white .

School have seen a change in his behaviour , caff cass said they didn't know what to do , she told me she was going to do a list of pros and cons .
My children are inosent they didn't deserve this .
As adults we know what's right and wrong , I see this only that becouse I always back down give him contact , once he has it , he doesn't want to , that is destructive and just a way to hurt me .

I don't want to contest , I understand that regardless there should be contact .
What I don't agree with is forcing the kids into this , put yourself into there shoes , u haven't seen your dad for ova a year , then people tell I , dads in that room go and see him !! , what would u feel how would u react as a 5 year old and a 7 year old .
If I contest it its me who gets into trouble .
If I contest I loose my leagle aid , I will not be repusented anymore , all becouse I want to go the right thing and the right way for my kids ,.
I take them , they won't do it .
So how does that help the kids me or dad ?

Fourormore Wed 15-Jun-16 16:57:18

So if you're not in agreement with the contact centre, but you understand there should be contact regardless, what do you want to happen?

Bee8205 Wed 15-Jun-16 18:46:54

I want him to , first ring them and send letters , so that shows he can be botherd , to after s while after he's talked with them for a good few months , go to the contact center , were they won't feel uneasy or frightend .
He can show commitment and some trust will come back .

And him to have parenting classes , and he's still got to do the bail conditions he's not completed the building a better relationship program . And to prove for his kids alcohol hair testing ehich I was paying half towards .

Fourormore Wed 15-Jun-16 18:54:31

Did you raise all of that with CAFCASS before supervised contact was ordered?

Lack of commitment aside (which I understand is damaging), is he a risk to the children? If not, I don't think indirect contact is likely to be a first step to be honest. I don't think calls and letters are all that useful in children so young.

I think the best thing you can do is go along with what has been ordered and just keep being the familiar constant that your children are used to. It's presumably only a few hours every week or two? A good opportunity to show the court that you are committed and engaged with the process. He'll fail all by himself by the sounds of it.

Bee8205 Wed 15-Jun-16 19:14:52

I did yes , it was the same caff cass officer who dealt with the first application .
I did yes and my solicitor too .
They both said he wouldn't do it , and was no point in asking him . Caff case officer didn't know what to do , she made s list pros and cons told me , the courts don't always go on what they say . Every time I go it's a different set of judges , they say they read all the last court papers but then ask questions that they should already know .
I can contest , and yes looks really bad on me .
Iv had ymca on the phone , it will be supervised 3 /1hour visits then 3 / 2 hour visits . First thing they said was we would like u and dad to come and see us first and talk in the same room !!! I said did you know there's a retraining order , they said no .
They then said well this is the first time dad hasn't seen his children , I again said no , it's the 6 or 7 time .
She said contact centres are good , I then said we have already tryed a co tact center he lasted 3 weeks before he withdrew ? All she said was O , I didn't know that I' think I'll ring caff cass .

Bee8205 Mon 08-Aug-16 22:12:49

Can anyone tell me what happens at a fact finding hearing , I didn't take my children to the supervised contact center , I contested it , I'm back at court next week .
I don't know how to get through to the courts , how my children feel .
How can I prove to a court that there dad is just using the court system to harass me and isn't interested in contact with his kids .

Fourormore Tue 09-Aug-16 09:36:38

You need to take proper legal advice. Young children have their wishes and feelings heard but they are then taken in the wider context of their welfare. It is generally assumed that contact is in the best interests of the child unless the child would be at risk of harm (and you would therefore need to prove that risk of harm).

Refusing supervised contact seems like an odd choice to me. The child is safe in that situation. I think you'll have a hard time fighting that argument.

I wouldn't go anywhere near trying to prove that your ex is using the court system to harass you without taking legal advice first.

Bee8205 Wed 10-Aug-16 12:40:31

Caff cass have done feelings and best wishers , .
They contradicted themselfs and the courts wanted the children to go to the contact center as a lets see what happens .
The children don't want to see there farther and the courts class him as high risk ( iv already proven demestic violence ( the father has a 5 year restraing order ) .
He hasn't seen his children for 16 months .
The first application for contact he withdrew from last September , this his his second .
There has also been indirect contact in place for himself to maintain some kind of contact between himself and the children from last August but he hasn't done so .
Recently he was ring me and texting me in the night over 3 days but not once did he ask about his children .
His wife is putting pics on Facebook with black eyes saying she has walked into doors .
This is why I contested and couldn't take the children to the contact center .

Bee8205 Wed 10-Aug-16 12:50:45

I also the police have said the will if needed, make a statement for the courts , outlining
There are sill alcohol issues
Demestic violence risk in his current relationship
And that this isn't about the children

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