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Can I get a restraining order against the father of my child? (please help)(8 Posts)
Hi, I'm new to this site so I'm sorry if this is long/I don't use the right terms etc. I'm desperate for advice.
It's a really long story so I'll try to keep it simple. I was dating a guy on and off for 7 years, he was verbally abusive and very manipulative. After I finally ended it with him I found out I was pregnant.
My son is now nearly six. His dad didn't show any interest until he was about 2, and had access in a contact centre for about a year, gradually going up to unsupervised access.
When my son was 3/4 I went to Women's Aid as he has been constantly abusive and has harassed me throughout my pregnancy and since then. When I told them what had been happening, and the care my son was receiving from my ex, they referred the case to Social Services. SS advised me to immediately suspend contact, move from my house that day to an undisclosed address and await further instruction. A week later my ex kidnapped my son from Nursery. I went to the police but they couldn't do anything as I did not have residency.
I had to go to court to get my son back, and a court order was put in place specifying contact to be every Wednesday overnight and every other weekend until Sunday 5pm. Social Services denied having advised me to suspend contact.
Since then, my ex has constantly cancelled on my son at the last minute, been verbally abusive to me and generally just carried on being unhinged and not a very good father. He has threatened me numerous times but never over text so I can't prove it.
About a month ago he refused to return my son to me on the Sunday. I called the police and they said although it was clear he had broken the court order, as he was my son's father they could not return him to me.
So, today. Since that Sunday I have refused to text him back or have any contact with him in any way. He has texted me a bunch of random stuff trying to get me to respond.
This morning (he had my son last night) he called me five times, then text to say I should probably answer as it was serious. I drove to his house (which is around the corner from mine) to see what was wrong with my son.
My son was not there, he had gone in a taxi to school. My ex said he just wanted to know if my son needed to take a scooter to school today (!?) so I said I'm leaving. I went to my car. He followed me screaming abuse about how he could do what he liked etc. So I got in my car and went to reverse off the drive. He got in the back. I asked him to get out but he refused. I panicked and said fine you can come with me because I'm not doing this in the street. His front door was wide open, dog outside. I got to the end of the street and stopped again and asked him to get out of my car but he was still screaming at me from the back. I drove on, when I got the outside of his estate he reached into the front and pulled the handbrake up. Then he told me I was a psycho and got out of the car.
I've called the police, and they have come round and told me there is nothing they can do.
I have had seven years of abuse, nothing physical, but its breaking me down and it doesn't seem like anyone can help me. The police, social services, nobody. Even the court order, what's the point if nobody can do anything when he breaks it?
I want to get a restraining order against him. But I don't know how it is possible against a co-parent? I only have to see him once a fortnight when I collect my son on a Sunday, but still is it possible?
I can't do this for ten more years, I just cant. I was terrified this morning. I sat in my car crying and shaking for half an hour before I called the police.
Please if anyone has any advice or experience could you help me?
I'm sorry this so was so long but I wanted to explain as fully as possible.
Have you tried calling Women's Aid? They may well be able to help you get a non molestation order (not a restraining order but will do much the same thing).
I took out a non molestation order against my DS's bio father straight after his final assault on me, but because this situation's a bit different, I'm not sure how best to advise you - I didn't want to just read and run.
I really, really feel for you and I'm so sorry you're going through this. Is there anybody you trust who could hand your DS over for contact, so you don't have to be present?
The short answer is yes you can, I had one offered to me when my DC's father was abusive, I very very stupidly said no.
The long answer I'm afraid I don't know but I really hope you get help soon. I have been in your position and it's horrific
Hi thanks for replying everyone.
I'll look into a non molestation order. I was told I can pay for a restraining order but will the police react the same to that as if it were court issued?
It really is utterly traumatising.. I feel for anyone who has to go through this. It feels like there is no place to turn for help.
I'm reluctant to go back Women's Aid because of all the drama they caused last time.
I was always under the impression that a restraining order and a non mol were the same thing, but I'm happy to be corrected if this isn't the case.
It's an awful situation, I agree. When kids are involved, it feels like escaping abuse is impossible.
Try the ncdv helpline - they have solicitors who may be able to advise.
I've spoken to someone who knows an ex police officer who apparently said o have grounds to make a complaint that they haven't taken any action.
I honestly feel like I'll be in the news in a few years because he will have murdered me and then there will be an outcry of 'the police should have done more'.
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