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Straight to court for finances?

(18 Posts)
Lelloteddy Tue 31-May-16 21:48:31

After nearly six years of blocking any attempts to proceed with divorce, bully boy Ex decided to move things forward a couple of months ago. Nisi issued.

He's refused to engage with my solicitor-I want a clean break settlement and have no interest in trying to retrieve everything he and OW have stripped away. FMH in negative equity but I can afford the mortgage if he's made to pay maintenance. That's all I want. There are £1000s in other properties, pensions etc. I want none of it. I want peace of mind.

I had given my solicitor instructions, his solicitor has refused to acknowledge them and he's issued proceedings.
Part of this is his ongoing financial abuse. He knows I've paid out thousands in trying to protect the kids ( convictions for abuse)

Am hoping that we get to court and the judge will tell him to behave himself. He can't argue that I won't agree to his proposals when he hasn't bloody told me what he wants or is prepared to give?

So bloody tired of his bullying sad and hoping that somebody can reassure me.

Pisssssedofff Fri 03-Jun-16 22:49:13

I would and wish i had three years ago, honestly show no mercy just get what you want in writing in front of a judge ASAP,

TheNIghtManagersWife Fri 03-Jun-16 23:03:07

Court is a long process - you'll have a first hearing, which sorts out which questions you will be allowed to ask of each other's finances, then FDR hearing where you attempt to negotiate a settlement based on you both having disclosed all finances and then a final hearing where the judge hears the full case and decides. This can be a two day full on process that will cost you a lot. My FDR is coming up - I have paid approx £20,000 in court fees so far and it's taken about 9 months from first application to get to this stage.

For a final hearing I've been told to expect to pay around £40,000 and wait 9-12 months for a court date.

It is effective at moving things along and forcing closure but it can be costly and slow.

Your ex sounds horrendous and this may be the most effective route.

Pisssssedofff Fri 03-Jun-16 23:17:36

I e not paid a penny and have no intention of doing so, there's piles of admin but in not paying £40,000 for it and all it is is admin

Lelloteddy Fri 03-Jun-16 23:41:26

I don't want to ask any questions about his finances though? Apart from what he should be paying in maintenance. I really, really just want it over with and I don't understand how he can issue proceedings already.

Pisssssedofff Sat 04-Jun-16 09:10:03

So the judge won't let you have none of it because that's not fair. Just go through the process. You get some money or property and you'll get some maintaince.

user1464519881 Sat 04-Jun-16 20:57:28

So he's started the process. Presumably he will engage with it and will show you his assets on a form E and you will the same. We didn't need to as both had 100% knowledge of the other's finance (as still living together and I did both our tax returns and everything in joint names so dead easy in our case). We just negotiated a clean break and used our lawyers to draw it up and I paid both side's lawyers as I earn more and then the court sealed the consent order.

You say you want a clean break and you want maintenance. you can't have that unless you mean child maintenance. A clean break means no spousal maintenance for either side.

It is very likely your ex will make a proposal before the final hearing. if he doesn't then the judge will decide. I doubt your ex will not disclose any finances to the judge.

Lelloteddy Sat 04-Jun-16 22:14:05

It's child maintenance.
He's emptied all the bank accounts, transferred assets into OWs name, cashed in pensions. I don't understand what his game is now. And I don't want to play it any more.

checkingthedetails Sat 04-Jun-16 23:22:30

I feel your pain, and have been watching your thread.

I'm kind of in a similar position. I have no idea where stbxh is, and am probably going to need process servers to make him admit he has had the divorce papers. He will obstruct me in any every way he can think of. ..

I need to stay in this house with the children. I can afford the mortgage if I am careful (benefits plus middle rate dla for ds1, who needs constant care). He has paid nothing towards mortgage, repairs or bank loan since he left. He has a pension, and a decent chance of a career for the next 20 years until he retires.

I am stuck looking after two very young, damaged and needy children. I can't work. My childminding registration was withdrawn because of the domestic violence. This has lost me at least £5000 since he left.

All I care about is the house. I will get my childminding registration back eventually, and I need the house to work in (and my own children are happy here).

Our house has very little equity, I have been paying the mortgage for 18 monthsi have been paying the joint bank loan, have done lots of diy and repairs, and I need this house for the children and for my work.

How do we get a family court judge to realise that asking for the whole house (while ignoring everything else) is not totally unreasonable?

Pisssssedofff Sat 04-Jun-16 23:51:25

Present a good argument I guess. That's what I'm going to do. Our house would have been repossessed if it was up my ex. I'd rather it was than him get a penny

user1464519881 Sun 05-Jun-16 08:45:31

Also do remember that in most cases conduct and fault is irrelevant to finances in English divorce law so always just set out the financial facts simply and in bullet points where you can.
It sounds like he has no pension as he cashed it in. Try to get some proof of the amount as sometimes the courts will look at someone's wasting of family assets and use that in deciding what the other person gets now although the basic principle is you just divide between you what is left after both side's debts are deducted and the mortgage.

If you want the house but not his other money then you'd need to show the judge he has this other money.

If he has transferred other assets into the other woman's name and they are a different property you can buy a Land Registry search on line for £3 which you can put in evidence in court showing the transfer to her with the date on it. In other words be ready to prove everything.

However will the lender allow the mortgage to be transferred into your name alone or not? Get that checked out as a first priority.

Lelloteddy Sun 05-Jun-16 11:40:13

The groundwork for me taking over the mortgage has all been done.

Am not going into battle with him. I can't afford it, financially or emotionally. I've spent time discussing everything with family over the weekend and first thing Monday I'm going to look at rental properties. They can keep it all. I'd rather be bankrupt myself that deal with another court battle. It's hard to illustrate exactly how toxic this man is but thank you for your responses.

Pisssssedofff Sun 05-Jun-16 12:43:24

Honey it's not a case of going into battle let a judge decide all you have to do is tell the truth, what you have and what he has. There's no battle it all speaks for itself and the thing is you don't actually get a choice, you have to go through the process whether you like it or not

Lelloteddy Sun 05-Jun-16 16:54:08

So I can't send my lawyer to court to stand in front of the judge and say I am making no claim to any of our joint assets and he can keep them all?

Pisssssedofff Sun 05-Jun-16 17:29:23

No because the judge will rightly say that's not fair and he will make the decision on what he sees in front of him and decide what is fair

Pisssssedofff Sun 05-Jun-16 17:29:58

You have to be there too, you can't just send your lawyer

user1464519881 Sun 05-Jun-16 17:47:27

You can't be compelled to attend though, I thought? We had no court hearings at all nor even financial disclosure and the court sealed our agreed consent order. The risk if you don't attend is a judge might say it is adjourned because he wants to hear from you but I don't think do have to be there. Ask your solicitor.

If your solicitor or barrister offers something the judge thinks is unfair then he can award you more than that. Sometiems you get a couple drawing up a consent order without lawyers which is very unfair to one side and the court will not agree it but if you've both had legal advice and accept it and perhaps explain why it is not as unfair as it seems (eg sometimes one person is about to inherit £2m so are not claiming from the other person) then it should be fine.

Pisssssedofff Sun 05-Jun-16 18:31:55

I was told you do have to be there, maybe incorrectly but that was the advice, the judge will want to be reassured you know what you are doing and why because of you and the kids end up on the streets because he signed off your claim to the house etc it doesn't look good for him/her

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