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Restraining order and child contact

(18 Posts)
Neb78 Mon 23-May-16 20:58:04

Hi, new to this but need some advice/reassurance. My ex and I have never lived together but have a child. He's recently been given a restraining order lasting 18 month for harassment. History of emotional abuse/controlling behaviour, police involvement several times over past 3 years. In court next month and I am self representing. Can I suggest contact centre every fortnight or will they insist on weekly? Had CAFCASS interview this morning, not sure how I came across as it's very hard to put into words 5 years of controlling, emotionally abusive behaviour! Surely with the R Order contact will be at the contact centre until it expires?

fryingtoday Mon 23-May-16 21:03:00

Did you raise concerns relating to how he treats the child rather than yourself? I too have a RO in place and from what the cafcass officer said looks like she is going to insist on supervised contact. First thing cafcass asked was could your ex have coached dc - controlling idiot just can't help himself!!

Neb78 Mon 23-May-16 21:13:14

yes I did, I told them how he uses our child to intimidate me, constant threats of custody etc. my ex refuses to accept we have no relationship, despite telling police in interview he wanted nothing to do with me. I stressed how abuse has taken place in front of child. Stopped contact 5 months ago after he thought it was ok to grope me when seeing our son. He'd already been charged with harassment but cps said there wasn't enough evidence to charge with assault. His behaviour is not normal in any way!

Neb78 Mon 23-May-16 21:15:54

Surely they'll want to do a section 7 report and I will get opportunity to talk more about reasons contact broke down?

MrsBertBibby Mon 23-May-16 21:23:29

Many contact centres can only accommodate fortnightly contact, so it may not be an issue.

Given the level of difficulties and his conviction, I would be inclined to suggest the court should order a full s7 report from CAFCASS before considering contact. And you need to distinguish between supported and supervised contact.

National association of child contact centres site is helpful.

fryingtoday Mon 23-May-16 21:30:57

Make sure you ask for a section 7 at the directions hearing even if cafcass don't. But I would have thought they would given conviction.

fryingtoday Mon 23-May-16 21:32:27

And are you getting any support? Eg from Refuge?

Neb78 Mon 23-May-16 21:43:43

MrsBertBibby ex was not found guilty at trial but was charged by CPS. I accepted his defence solicitors offer that he be made subject of the restraining order on acquittal of case. Will it go against me if I refuse any contact, inc contact centre until S7 report completed? Thanks

Neb78 Mon 23-May-16 21:45:57

Fryingtoday I've had support from my GP over the years and sought counselling which helped. It's just all very draining, I've had nothing but stress and abuse since pregnancy. Should be enjoying motherhood more than this as its a constant battle with a nasty controlling man

lonerboner Mon 23-May-16 21:47:01

Contact centres actually only offer twice a month for 2 hours

fryingtoday Mon 23-May-16 21:53:59

I don't think it will go against you if you refuse contact until s7. In fact if you do agree to contact it will be "see she was happy for contact then, so why suddenly not now etc". That's what I got! Does he have money? I only ask as mine turned up at the directions hearing with a QC! Totally over the top, but worth considering if may happen.

Neb78 Mon 23-May-16 22:11:30

Fryingtoday no I wouldn't say he has money but he used to work for the police (fired for gross misconduct) and thinks he knows everything there is to know about the law, inc family law!

fryingtoday Mon 23-May-16 22:31:18

Mine had a stepfather who was a judge so he too magically thinks he's an expert ! They'll be too arrogant to see its not true. As there is an RO I assume he can't come to pick up your child anyway. I'd stop any access until the court decides - you have serious concerns that his behaviour can emotionally damage your child, he has clearly shown he cannot control himself (groping) so how can you be confident he won't lose control when in charge of your child? I feel for you - keep strong, don't let him ruin motherhood!

MrsBertBibby Mon 23-May-16 22:45:26

If he denies the harassment there should be a finding of fact hearing before CAFCASS prepare a s7 report.

This is the practice direction which is heavy reading, but which you need to get your head round.

By the way, you may well qualify for legal aid, given the RO. Have you checked?

Neb78 Tue 24-May-16 20:10:22

It's more than likely he will deny the abuse as he already sounds like the victim in his court application. I've checked about legal aid and unfortunately although I qualify on domestic abuse grounds it doesn't look like I financially qualify.

Yes the restraining order stipulates he cannot come to the house so it's not an option to collect our child. He's never actually had him on his own for more than a couple of hours and that was only for a few months. In 3 years he's not seen him for around 13 months.

I have a free half hour session at the women's centre tomorrow with a legal advisor.

fryingtoday Tue 24-May-16 21:20:13

Good, hope they can give good advice. Let us know how it goes! My cafcass s7 report arrives next Friday ... It's the waiting that gets to you. Deep breaths and patience I guess! Keep strong.

Neb78 Fri 10-Jun-16 22:16:03

Update... At first hearing last week ex denied all allegations and even said he had asked to be made subject of restraining order for his own protection as I make false allegations all the time. He gave an Oscar winning performance and we do have a fact finding hearing in August. Cafcass didn't recommend interim contact so I went with that, although one of the magistrates tried to pursuade me into supervised contact. Stood my ground though and he said he will contest it so we shall see! What a draining experience tho. Such a shame Have to now prove I am telling the truth!

Phoenix1983 Thu 02-Feb-17 00:31:23

Hi Neb78 how did things progress for you? I have just read the thread and your situation exactly mirrors mine ex controlling police officer, lost his job and was convicted of harassment and inwas given a 5 year restraining order against him. It's been 8 months of no contact with his dad apart from a few letters and presents but I know through ex mil that he wants to see our son who is 5 this month. My son has recently started talking more often about his dad and other people's dads and I don't know what to do for the best. He is seeing his grandparents for the first time in months on Sunday - this could be the first step of him having more of a relationship with the other side of his family but I don't know whether this is a good thing or not?

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