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Final Financial hearing...please help, I'm terrified...: (

(13 Posts)
Sallypeas Fri 06-May-16 14:34:18

Hi, I have my final financial hearing looming after two unsuccessful FDR's where ex wouldn't negotiate sensibly at all. He threatened to report the judge, interrupted him relentlessly and tried to raise issues that were irrelevant so it was very unfruitful and stressful for nothing not to mention a £20,000 final debt for legal fees that I'll have to deduct from a settlement. That will probably mean I can't afford a house anyway : (
We're now heading for the final hearing and I'm quite simply, terrified. I have panic attacks when I see him because if the domestic violence and can't imagine being able to think clearly, let alone speak up for myself.

I'm so scared. I can't believe it's had to come this far. The judge at the last FDR said she thought I was looking at having a mortgage free property dependant on my ability to get a mortgage or not. A financial advisor said "not" so I'm hoping for a good outcome but I'm so scared of being cross examined as I won't remember anything, be able to speak or find the right page in the HUGE bundle.
How awful are barristers to you in court? He has 80 questions he wants me to answer but they're written as if I'm really dodgy though my solicitor says I've done nothing wrong! E.g. Why did you "hide" then spend £20,000 two years ago (it was his, in my bank account, he put it there, he spent it)

Would a judge really believe I've done nothing wrong if he's accusing me of so much? Some questions are so complicated I wouldn't know how to answer them : ( will the judge feel there's no smoke without fire?
We're asking very few questions as my solicitor says the whole hearing's based on my housing needs...
I've worked hard, looked after our son, kept the house up to scratch and had to deal with so much aggression, now this...
Do they rely mostly on the paperwork or will my fear of him ruin my chances of getting a decent settlement.?
I'd REALLY appreciate some advice from anyone who's gone through this themselves.
Thank you so much.

Familylawsolicitor Fri 06-May-16 19:58:53

He threatened to report the judge, interrupted him relentlessly and tried to raise issues that were irrelevant

He will do himself absolutely NO favours with that attitude and the Jusge will be VERY ready to believe that he has raised all those issues out of pure pigheadedness.

You are not expecte to know where things are in the bundle. If he quizzes you on something where you need to see the relevant page in the bundle and he doesn't tell which page he is looking everyone will pause while your legal team and the judge make sure everyone is on the right page.

Sallypeas Fri 06-May-16 21:35:30

Oh, thank you. I imagined an awful silence while I rifled through the pile feeling useless and embarrassed. I do hope they can see the issues he's exuding are manipulated and designed to be presented in a way that's contrary to reality. Thank you so much Familylawsolicitor x

Familylawsolicitor Fri 06-May-16 21:48:41

You're welcome. You should also expect cross examination to be done courteously rather than rudely even tbough it may feel uncomfortable

Sallypeas Sat 07-May-16 16:34:41

Thank you again. Do you think the questions he raised which we answered pre hearing with documentation proving them innacurate and groundless will be asked again? Is that up to the judge to decide or can they just ask them all again? X

Pisssssedofff Sat 07-May-16 20:04:50

Do you mind if I ask, what happens at the first one ? I have that on Monday

Familylawsolicitor Sat 07-May-16 20:07:45

I believe that cross examination shouldn't simply repeat questions which you have already answered in writing unless seeking clarification on answers that were unclear. I think the purpose is to clarify or query or ask you to expand / explain something you have already provided in the written evidence before the court (ie your Form E and replies to Questionnaires) or ask something again you have not answered. However it's not a second chance to get answers to questions the judge struck out at FDA as unreasonable though. Definitely not just a reading out of his questions you have already answered.

Barristers do far more trials than solicitors so hopefully the barristers who post on these boards will come along to comment too - 95 per cent of my clients settle before trial so it's pretty rare for me to go to a finances trial although I've been in practice a reasonably long time so been to a few.

Sallypeas Mon 09-May-16 12:07:15

Thank you familylawsolicitor, you're very kind and your answer are slowly making me feel less terrified. Ex is ery good at creating doubt and confusion where there us none, so it's very easy to feel you've fallen into a vortex of information that's so hard to untangle your thoughts in. Thank you do much.
Hello Pisssssedofff; looking back it was a piece of came, as was the 2nd for. You're just there to try to clarify the assets and to start to try to find out common ground for negotiation. If you have a barrister /solicitor (I had both as ex so scary my solicitor wanted to be there for me too-at no charge, bless her) it's very calm and slightly imfirmal: like a kind ages uncle u.s. trying to help you both. I worked my self up for nothing. Think of it as a fact finding morning and hopefully the start of negotiating, maybe even resolution ☺ the envitoment's officious but try to think of it as a place where you're receiving help to sort everything out. Be polite,be calm and say your pleased and than I you'd and just tell the truth and everything will be ok x

Sallypeas Mon 09-May-16 12:08:42

Sorry an out the typo's (can't find my glasses!)

Sallypeas Wed 18-May-16 17:45:23

Hi, please can a barrister or solicitor (or if anyone knows absolutely) tell me if ex can bring "new evidence" to court on the day. I've just been told to expect it by him and the awful consequences of it. Absolutely destroyed today at this new revelation. The bundle's about to be lodged. Please help.

MrsBertBibby Wed 18-May-16 18:39:04

He can ask, but if he has it now he should disclose it immediately, not on the day. Has he mentioned it in writing to you? Take evidence of that along with you.

The judge can decline to accept eleventh hour evidence, especially if there is no good reason for it being disclosed so late.

When is the hearing? Good luck!

Sallypeas Thu 19-May-16 12:45:19

Thank you MrsBertBibby, the hearing's in 21/2 weeks. ..I was hoping anything not in the bundle was inadmissible so I knew mostly what I'd be dealing with sad it's always by phone or muttered threats during changeovers with our daughter and this new development just adds a mother level of anxiety I could do without x

MrsBertBibby Thu 19-May-16 16:55:59

Nice typo. Very apt!

Frankly, unless you have any dark secrets you haven't come clean about, I wouldn't mind betting that he is lying to wind you up.

Secondly, what people seem to think is stunningly important, compelling and relevant evidence generally turns out to be inconsequential rubbish when they produce it to their lawyer.

Try not to let him worry you, I know that's easily said.

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