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Emotional and Abusive Ex-P - trying to get a settlement...will it happen?

(8 Posts)
theansweris42 Sun 03-Apr-16 11:05:45

Looking for some support/encouragement.

In late 2013 I finally got away from financially and emotionally abusive ex of 20 years - I had to get our 2 DC back (then 3 and 4) from another country to do it. Ex-P followed a few months later , even though we'd agreed to return to return at that time originally.

He now says this was me "taking" the DC and he had to finish his job - however he also went on holiday to see parts of that country we had not seen and stopped at a diving destination on the way back to the UK. He is still awful and lies and is very negative about me.

I have been out of work and on benefits and then from mid 2015 I have had a job and am OK for money. However I have unsecured debt from when Ex-P would not give me enough money to look after DC and he had a period out of (his very lucrative) work and I had to cover all bills - including childcare while he was off.

I also had time out to be a SAHM (loss of income, Ex-P only gave me money for food etc while I was off - I had to beg even for haircut for DC) and have had to "restart" myself in my job.

He had two properties in London. He had to sell one to sort out a tax bill. He has a property worth a lot which he says "is his pension".

In Dec 2014 we attempted mediation which went nowhere.
I have been to a solicitor now that I am working but the fees are hard/impossible to find.

I would like a settlement with ref to my being the home parent therefore
(1) no income, total spending of savings and maternity pay on still paying half of everything as ex-P required
(2) debts arising from the time ex-P out of work but was also working with contractors to improve the property he still has (ie he had plenty of money)
(3) debts arising from the times he was giving me a weekly sum which didn't cover everything (eg I paid Drs fees on cred card)
(4)zero/low maintenance when he was looking for work during 2014
(5) not being part of property ownership even though was family home and I did contribute always to mortgage and bills and so on and even though ex-P told me this would happen
(6) paying for all childcare when I worked part time and when he chose not to work

I simply want to pay off debt and have a deposit for a house for DC
I have paid solicitor c £1500 to look at everything the next invoice is the same amount again for final work and then for a Barrister to have a look.

Ex-P will make things awful and try to make out I have stolen the DC, had an affair (just got married) which is untrue and the whole process will be bad.
And I am worried that if I find this money there's still not much hope because we weren't married.
His current stance is why should he give me and new husband money? But this all relates to long before...I have already said to him I can keep deposit in boys name doesn't have to be in new husband's.

Is it worth it? I am in financial bad way but can survive, but cannot buy a property or get rid of debt which his abuse caused. Any views/experience would be really welcome.

theansweris42 Sun 03-Apr-16 11:23:29

argh! title should be "Emotionally and Financially Abusive Ex-P" sorry

TeapotDictator Sun 03-Apr-16 11:35:01

What is the solicitor doing for that money?

It seems a lot (£3k?) just to get to the point of a barrister "having a look"? I'd be tempted to go straight to a direct access barrister with experience of Schedule 1 Children's Act cases (I'm assuming you were not married).

I'm not sure what your chances would be of getting a lump sum from his property as you have now married. Is he paying proper child maintenance?

theansweris42 Sun 03-Apr-16 11:41:03

Thanks Teapot. It has been 1.5K so far and the next is for Barrister.
Would I have the right to get the file from the solicitor if I went direct to a barrister?
Does the fact I have married mean I have to just put up with the debt he got me into and with renting forever as he never allowed me to be on deeds even though I paid half the mortgage?

QuiteLikely5 Sun 03-Apr-16 11:45:51

ask for this to be posted in legal you might get a solicitor there

theansweris42 Sun 03-Apr-16 11:49:32

thanks Quite I will email HQ

caroldecker Sun 03-Apr-16 12:17:22

As you were not married, it is unlikely you will get much, unless you can demonstrate your financial contribution - you should get maintenance for the children.

theansweris42 Sun 03-Apr-16 13:06:52

Thanks caroldecker I do get some maintenance and I do have evidence of my contribution.

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