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My son would like to contact his bio Father, how can i protect him legally

(7 Posts)
Beeutiful Mon 28-Mar-16 21:06:49

13 years ago, while i was working in London, I fell madly and deeply in love with a man who was quite a bit older than me. He had to move abroad for work and I found out I wad pregnant. He wasn't too pleased with the news.

I became seriously ill with the pregnancy and spent many months in hospital. I ended up having to leave London and return to Ireland as my work only paid 1 month sick leave and I couldn't afford to pay my rent.

So my son was born in Ireland. I returned to work and managed to make ends meet. I was in contact with his father after my son's birth until he asked to cease all contact. We did manage to agreed on maintenance of £400 for my son which has been paid into my account every month since. Honestly, I only ever sought maintenance so I could afford to put a roof over our heads and help towards child care. I worked 60 hour week at the time. I was in a low paid job and he earned a 6 figure salary, if not more now. I would have preferred to have let him be free from us.

I met my now husband when my son was 18 months. From the first time he met my son he has been a wonderful father to him. He started calling him Dad when I was pregnant with his sister. We eventually got married and have had another 2 boys since. Neither my husband or I have ever thought about my ex and it rarely enters our head that he is not my husband's biological child. They are more alike than my husband and the other 3 children. A strong argument for nurture over nature!

We have been honest with my son that he has a biological father out there. This year before his 12th birthday, he said he would like to meet him but that he was scared in case that he might want to try and be his dad which he doesn't want. He is more curious about who this man is.

We both want to facilitate and help our son. But, I want to make sure that my son and husband are protected from a can of worms that may open. My son has asked if my husband can adopt him which we would love more than anything, but we don't live in Ireland anymore, we live in a GCC country.

I also have no idea how to find my ex. I'm pretty sure he lives and works in London and is married, has at least 1 child but I imagine they know nothing of my son and I think they need to be considered too so I would preferable like to try and contact my ex without having to involve his family and let him look after that.

He was a lovely guy when I knew him, so sweet and kind, but when he asked to cease contact (I think around the time things where getting serious with his now wife), some horrible statements came via his solicitor in an 11 page document which I still find hard to read without a tearing up, very nasty untrue things. This makes me question if he will even acknowledge my son if he contacts him and so I need to be prepared for that too.

The most important thing is that I protect him legally. If we were in Ireland a step parent adoption where the other biological parents has been permanently absent for his entire life would not have been a problem. As expats in our current place of living, we cannot proceed with an adoption and I don't know if the UK have any jurisdiction over GCC countries if a can of worms is open.

Sorry for the long-winded-ness, If anyone can help with how I could try and locate my ex and if you know if the uk has any jurisdiction in Middle East countries I would appreciate it.

Collaborate Tue 29-Mar-16 08:18:13

You should try and get this thread moved to Relationships.

You haven't asked any questions that need legal advice. Legal jurisdiction isn't an issue.

You haven't even said what country you're actually living in.

babybarrister Tue 29-Mar-16 08:32:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MypocketsarelikeNarnia Tue 29-Mar-16 21:51:03

Pop over to the adoption topic and people will be able and willing to give you some really great advice about how to navigate the emotional side of this with your son and might be able to help with the legal side or at least point you in the right direction.

Familylawsolicitor Wed 30-Mar-16 09:18:02

I had to google GCC too ! blush
What are you concerned might happen OP that you need protection for? How long have you lived in the Middle East with your son?

IdealWeather Wed 30-Mar-16 09:24:43

I think you are very wise to check all the implications that meeting up with his bio dad could have.
I also think that the fact your ds wants your DH to adopt him says a hell of a lot about the strong bound you have formed together.

I would contact a lawyer tbh and check what the implications are and what you can do to protect your ds and your DH.

Then I would proceed with great care re contact, maybe through a sollicitor again?. I agree that contact his bio dad can have some strong repercutions on youur ds (Yes his bio dad might not want to ever hear from him) but also on his bio dad and his family.
However, your ds is very learly within his rights to want to know who his dad is.

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon Wed 30-Mar-16 09:29:39

Are you concerned that opening up a relationship with the bio father might prevent the step father from adopting him? In the uk, that might be a consideration. Unless the bio father gave consent to adoption, it couldn't go ahead, and if there was an existing relationship between child and bio father no judge would overrule bio father's wishes.
As your son is habitually resident outside of the U.K. Then the uk courts don't have jurisdiction at this point. It could get complicated but that's the basic idea. However adoption isn't really common in lots of countries - have you checked what the deal is where you are? Adoption and Islam aren't common.

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