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Quick exH and child maintenance/access-type question

(14 Posts)
RutDweller Fri 11-Mar-16 10:28:30

Really need some legal advice to know where I stand but Ill try and keep it brief. ExH has children 3 nights a week, and pays me maintenance as I am the resident parent (private agreement, not court-enforced, never been revised since originally established). He has recently got a new job which requires him to start early in the morning and is now saying that I need to find someone to have the children before school on the days when they've stayed at his the previous night. This is no easy task! I can't find a childminder that starts before 7.30am and I can't have them as I work away on the nights he has the children. My question is - is this my responsibility to sort out, and ultimately pay for? He has a history of manipulating and bullying me and I know I am weak when it comes to 'doing what Im told', so I really need some perspective on this one. Thanks

fedupoffeckingschool Fri 11-Mar-16 16:57:12

No, he's the one to make the arrangements

titchy Fri 11-Mar-16 17:59:47

Agree - if he has the kids he sorts childcare. He doesn't get to opt out of the awkward bits just cos he's their dad. Or he could reduce the number of nights they stay with him, and increase CM accordingly.

lunar1 Fri 11-Mar-16 18:57:22

It's his responsibility when they are in his care.

VoyageOfDad Fri 11-Mar-16 19:00:17

There's no harm in his asking, and none in you politely refusing.

It is worth being flexible at times obv, but not if it causes all sorts of probs.

RandomMess Fri 11-Mar-16 19:07:41

His responsibility totally to find, organise and pay for the childcare HE needs.

Allalonenow Fri 11-Mar-16 19:19:55

He has changed jobs, meaning HE now cannot care for the children during HIS time.
So, as night follows day, it follows that it is HIS responsibility to find, organize and pay for the care of HIS children during HIS time.

Don't let him bully you into accepting what are HIS responsibilities.

VoyageOfDad Fri 11-Mar-16 20:44:38

t follows that it is HIS responsibility to find, organize and pay for the care of HIS children during HIS time

I know what you mean here, but I used to pay for dd's nursery during my XPs time. By your statement I shouldn't have.

LaurieFairyCake Fri 11-Mar-16 21:09:58

Is he saying that the next day is your day?

RutDweller Fri 11-Mar-16 22:43:58

He's saying that his maintainable payments and the fact that I get the child benefit payments, (not that he'd qualify as a higher rate taxpayer anyway) mean that I pay all the childcare.
Am genuinely surprised that the general consensus is that its his responsibility. Ok so now I need to think about how to handle this and if a visit to a solicitor is required or even worth the higher level of bullying that will ensue if I did get a solicitor involved sad

RutDweller Fri 11-Mar-16 22:47:05

I guess he's saying that the "day times" starting at some vague time of the morning are my responsibility as resident parent and he has them at "night time", again starting at some undefined time of the evening to suit him.

RandomMess Fri 11-Mar-16 23:05:27

I think a lot depends on whether he pays you maintenance in line with CMS.

If the DC stop staying overnights with him then if you were with the CMS the amount you would receive would go up.

If there are no childminders available it sounds like an au pair or nanny is required...

RandomMess Fri 11-Mar-16 23:09:03

The children are with you 4 nights per week so you receive child benefit (that he can't claim anyway) other than that it sounds like a shared care arrangement.

Overnight doesn't end at 7.30am it ends when he drops them at school or with a childcare provider! His work has changed (bet it's a promotion!) so he needs to sort out and arrange childcare - or does he expect you to give up work?

PrettyBrightFireflies Fri 11-Mar-16 23:23:30

It sounds as if your ex is proposing a change to the shared care arrangement because it no longer works for him; he is quite within his rights to do that, it's not illegal, or even particularly immoral - resident parents do this to accommodate a range of commitments - work, changes to childcare, even the routine of non-resident stepDCs.

The ideal is that the two of you come up with a new arrangement that works for everyone; maybe with mediation support?

I wouldn't rely on legal action to take into account either of your work commitments tbh - all a court would do is decide which one of you is primarily responsible for the DCs; and given that you describe yourself as the resident parent, there's no guarantee it won't be you. They certainly can't force him to be responsible for the DCs at certain times, even if the court issues an order that they are in his care at specific times, he won't be penalised if he doesn't.

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