Scare tactics to delay divorce

[Malamutes]

Hello, long time poster here, I have had lots of great advice re. DH and I am finally at the petition stage.

He read my five reasons for unreasonable behaviour and will not accept them, saying his reputation will be ruined and social services will get involved. The reasons are he had sex with my friend, got very drunk and kissed me when I didn't want him to and gets so drunk he falls over. He has been sober now for four months and everything has been amicable recently until now.

Why would SS have to be involved? Would anyone apart from solicitors and judge ever see the petition? I have emailed my solicitor and awaiting for response but if any MNs could help in the meantime I would be most appreciative. Previous MN name is SimplyTes.

TIA

[PurpleWithRed]

He is talking rubbish. But if you want things to stay amicable maybe find some more neutral unreasonable behaviour, or express it differently?

[GroundHogLife]

He's talking bollocks. One of my examples of Unreasonable Behaviour was two terminations in six months resulting from my husbands unwanted sexual advances. We've had the nisi granted and are now proceeding with financials. No one ever questioned the divorce grounds; not even Cafcass when we had Children's Act proceedings.

[Malamutes]

Thank you for responses. I do want it to be amicable and have even said to him to write up the 5 reasons and I will forward to my solicitor, as long as he agrees not to contest it then the judge shouldn't say that it isn't unreasonable enough IYSWIM.

So would anyone be able to get the petition to read? Not that I could ever imagine anyone else being interested. Does the petition get sent to anyone by the judge?

Groundhog I hope life is looking bright for you now?

[Phoenix69]

I can't believe your solicitor would submit something that meant SS would get involved. Nobody sees the UB reasons apart from solicitor and judge. I think he may be trying to control you by talking rubbish.

If he doesn't want his reputation ruined maybe he shouldn't have had sex with your friend and been a drunk who kissed you against your will.

However if he has been sober and cleaned up his act and you want to keep things amicable maybe he could suggest what he will allow you to use so that he isn't offended. However controlling that sounds, however long it takes him to decide what is acceptable to him.

[Savagebeauty]

No one gives a flying fuck about reasons. My ex's were so ludicrous even he was ashamed.

[Malamutes]

Is it possible his solicitor is trying to make it tricky so they can make extra money from the process? Or more likely that DH is just making it even harder as he doesn't want the divorce to happen. It has taken six months to get this stage and I am so tired of all of the delays.

100% that social services will have no interest in the fact he used to drink too much, kissed me when I didn't want him to and had it off with my BF on the sofa while I was asleep upstairs?

Thanks again, all comments much appreciated.

[Phoenix69]

Most likely solicitor wants the business and he wants to delay things even further. Can't imagine your solicitor would submit something that would have such bad repercussions.

[elegantlygrey1]

I used to work at at County Court and spent some time on the divorce section.

No-one sees the petition apart from court staff, judge and solicitors if used. There will be a quick glance over from the staff, much the same from the judge who will have a stack of similar cases that they have to get through in the brief slots they have between hearings and that will be it. The only reason that anyone else would see it would be if you or he showed it to anyone. When I issued divorces we had around twenty minutes per petition including checks, accounting for fees, preparing the file, entering info, any photocopying and posting out. That was a few years ago and targets have got tougher. The staff will barely have enough time to check that it's signed and the judges aren't much better off.

He doesn't have to agree to the grounds, you can still send in the petition and even get the divorce. The only question is whether he will be harder to deal with and any effect on kids.

Good luck, it sounds like you will need it.