Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Residency order for my baby

(21 Posts)
EverydaySeemsLikeAWar Fri 26-Feb-16 07:25:31


I currently have a non molestation order against the ex. It was given with notice but he didn't show up to court

When speaking with my soliciter she said I'd get a residency order for my baby aswell but reading the court papers it doesn't mention a residency order

I'm ringing up my soliciter today to try and get a residency order but

Will ex be made aware I've applied for the order?

He's threatened to kidnap my child before which is on the non molestation order,

Will the judge take into account the non molestation order and the fact I got it ecsuse he'd threatened to kidnap my baby? Also got it due to DV and threats to kill

I'm worried he will take my baby, he's a lot stronger and bigger than me and if he saw me out he could easily take her from me and there wouldn't be much I could do and I know the police couldn't do anything because he's on the birth certificate

She's never lived with her dad she's lived with me her entire life if that helps

Itd be a lot easier for me if I got the order without him being made aware but I don't know if that's possible?

NotQuiteSoOnEdge Fri 26-Feb-16 10:11:12

You need to ask your solicitor, but I'm concerned because residency orders don't exist anymore so she shouldn't have been talking about them anyway. I was given one 2 days before they were phased out, and that was 2 yrs ago.

does the non-mol apply to your child? It might make more sense to do that as then he isn't allowed near her either and the police can act if he took her.

Hope someone knowledgeable comes along.

peggyundercrackers Fri 26-Feb-16 10:13:49

You keep saying "my baby". Is the baby not your ex's as well then?

NotQuiteSoOnEdge Fri 26-Feb-16 10:35:53

I just realised. If your ex came close enough to you to take your baby, he's breaking his order.
If he breaks his order, the police can arrest him, and then the baby would be returned anyway as a baby is not allowed in a police cell. A bit convoluted, but you are wrong in thinking the police won't do anything.

EverydaySeemsLikeAWar Fri 26-Feb-16 14:29:06

No the non molestation order is just about me and my address & includes him getting a 3rd party involved.

No she is his daughter but I say my baby because he's never bothered with her properly her entire life. Even when we were together ( not living together, I moved out and got my own place when I was pregnant due to his behaviour ) he didn't spend proper time with her

He'd take her out on his own with her once a fortnight and he'd just spend tht hour or so in the local asda café. There is a kids play area around the corner from asda n he would never take her, just happy plonking her in a highchair while he had dinner.

So I call her my baby because she barely knows him and when we'd fell out in the past he'd refer to her as "your cunt of a daughter"

Yes your right NotQuite, that didn't even cross my mind!

I would feel better if I knew by law he couldn't take her from me though

traviata Fri 26-Feb-16 16:19:40

You can apply for a prohibited steps order.

That will say something like "ex is forbidden to remove baby from Everyday or anyone into whose care baby is entrusted except for any contact which may be agreed or ordered by the court".

That way, even if he has contact in the future, dd has to be returned to you and he can't take her unless it's been agreed or ordered.

The fact that the non-mol was granted will help persuade the court that you need the prohibited steps order as well.

It is true that the law changed to remove the words 'residency order'. What the courts make now are Child Arrangements Orders, which define who the child lives with and whether the child spends time with the other parent. But most lawyers still refer to residence and contact anyway when discussing it.

EverydaySeemsLikeAWar Fri 26-Feb-16 22:02:02


Do you know if he'd be given notice if I applied for a prohibited steps order?

MinnieF1 Fri 26-Feb-16 22:05:05

A child arrangements order is what you'd be applying for. Within that it would state the child lives with you. You can also get a prohibited steps order to prevent ex from removing the child from the country.

MinnieF1 Fri 26-Feb-16 22:07:35

And yes, he would be informed that you have made an application to court. He would then have the opportunity to submit his own application in response (for example, he could apply for a child arrangements order requesting 5hrs contact a fortnight). But it sounds like he's unlikely to turn up, and even if he did turn up, he may not submit an application. Aaaaand, even if he did submit an application, he's very unlikely to get unsupervised contact if you have a non-mol.

EverydaySeemsLikeAWar Sat 27-Feb-16 00:37:48


He's managed to get my number and has rang me saying he's got my sons ashes. I've checked the empty bedroom wardrobe and my baby's ashes have gone.

I never go in that room I use it for storage for old baby things.

I've asked him to send them me and he's refused and said "he owes me fuck all" and that their his ashes because he has the receipt.

It's impossible to own ashes, he owns the urn. It's my babies birthday on the 10th March and he said he's scattering them without me

There was a bit of to and thro textin and he's said he'd happily take my daughter from me if he could and he'll make sure she knows exactly what I'm like

That she'll come looking for him when she's 18 and he'll show her everything and show her exactly what in like,

He knows I'll screenshot everything ( I've stopped texting him back ) so he's text now making ou like I'm replying to him when I'm not

I'm not ringing the police now it's too late and I'm in bed

I'm trying to hold back the tears now because I co sleep with my daughter and I don't want to wake her up

She has a big brother, he was my first pregnancy it took me 2 years to make him, he was 3 months early and died 2 hours after he was born. I had two miscarriages after him and then finally got my little girl after being diagnosed with PCOS and sying I'll struggle to have anymore

My heart is hurting I can't believe he's took my baby's ashes I can't fucking believe him, I havnt been in that wardrobe for months

My heart is really hurting he's an awful horrible man

I'm going library tomorrow and I'm printing all of this off and I'm going to try and make it so he can't get my little girl. He said he's going to turn her against me and she'll know what a xunt I am. He'll try and alienate her against me and I'm not having that

I'm fucking upset and I'm angry. I don't deserve this off him I just want to be free and be left alone

EverydaySeemsLikeAWar Sat 27-Feb-16 00:39:49

Now he's just text me saying if we can be civil for our daughters sake it would be much easier and the ball is in my court. I'm not texting him back

SlapACatFuckADuck Sat 27-Feb-16 20:08:05

How did he get the ashes? Did he break in?

I'd be ringing the police. You not reporting it won't look good I've always been told and especially if you want a PSO or CAO!

MinnieF1 Sat 27-Feb-16 21:22:47

Hi OP, have you reported him yet? Him taking your sons ashes is horrendous.

There's nothing anyone one MN can do to help sadly, you really need to ring the police over this. (Isn't he breaking the non-mol by contacting you? Well done for not replying to the nasty piece of shit).

traviata Sun 28-Feb-16 22:19:21

Those texts must surely be a breach of your non-mol. Please inform the police, that's why you got the injunction to start with.

If he's arrested, is there anyone else who would go in his house and get your baby's ashes and give them back to you? His mum, sister, anyone?

EverydaySeemsLikeAWar Mon 29-Feb-16 07:28:59

He says he took the ashes when he last came to my house ( January )

He showed up and I let him in because he said he wanted to see the baby. While he was here he asked to use the toilet. My house is very small so upstairs it's literally one step to each room the landing is tiny. I don't go into the spare bedroom often I literally use it to store old baby things.

Yes he's breaking the non molestation by texting but I am by replying so I dot know where I'll stand on that

No, his mum and sister think I'm a "toxic little bitch" and think I've made everything up about him. They've both tried insinuating I'm a bad mum since we split up so I know they'd take great pleasure in knowing he has my baby's ashes

He's been arrested several times because of the things he's done to me, I've been to many gp appointments over things that have happened. But obviously I didn't go around telling people what had happened and he denies it to his family so they think I'm a physco who makes things up

I havnt rang the police yet no I'm desperately hoping hell still give me the ashes back

I want to ring them today but I want my baby's ashes and the police can't help with that

Nobody owns ashes, because I was so upset when my son died I let ex deal with the funeral ect so the urn is in exes name. He owns the urn but no one owns the ashes it's illegal to own ashes their classed as a person and a person cannot be owned

I was doing so well trying to move on with my life, I'm not feeling very well this is making me I'll.

I havnt slept all night I'm not exaggerating I havnt been to sleep at all.

Thank you for the replies

VelvetCushion Mon 29-Feb-16 07:37:13

thanks please stay strong and positive

OliviaBenson Mon 29-Feb-16 13:35:55

Please please go to the police. He is harassing you. Can you believe him when he says the ashes were taken in Jan? Does he have a key? You could explain to the police and let them deal with it, they may even be able to get the ashes back for you.

EveryDaySeemsLikeAWar Sat 05-Mar-16 05:21:09

I had a meeting with my womans support worker and she rang the police for me. I've got a meeting with them this week.

I've also got a soliciters appointment on Tuesday

He'd text on Wednesday saying he wanted a yes or no answer, would I be in Friday he'd drop off my babies ashes, but I wasn't getting them if I didn't reply. Followed by abusive texts that he hopes my new boyfriend rapes an beats me and nobody likes me not even my mum because she knows what a cunt I am. Then half an hour later he emailed me a really nice email wishing me the best saying he has no hard feelings and he hopes I have a nice life and get the things I want ect.

I was sat with my mum when I received those texts and I havnt got a new boyfriend at all! Then yesterday he'd text at 7pm saying he'd dropped my babies ashes off outside my house, he hopes I rot and to not contact him again. I woke up at 8pm ( meant to have a short nap with the baby at 4pm but overslept ) and my babies ashes were outside

I didn't think id get them back so I'd alreay said goodbye in my head about them.

I havnt spoken to him since the 29th, he's text me every day and I've not replied. He rang me off withheld 4 times in one night I answered the 4th one and told him to fuck off and then a few minutes later he text me telling me to stop ringing him and begging him to ring me back hmm

I feel very numb at the minute even when I opened the door and saw my babies ashes I wasn't pleased, I don't feel anything I just took them in the house

He's also emailed my sister but she won't tell me what he said and is saying she's not getting involved. I'm very cross at her tbh I'm not getting her involve I just want to know what he's said about me plus I need it for the police that he's contacting my family.

I'm going to make a GP appointment and go back on my antidepressants. I came off them in December when we split up but these pay few weeks are really taking their toll on m e

I spoke to my soliciter about the residency order and she said at this moment in time she wouldn't advise me getting one as that would give him the platform to come to court and demand access without him having to seek his own legal advice. She said it would make it very easy for him at the minute

My support worker said if it does to to court about access then ( if I want ) herself, a member from the MARAC team and a person from SS would come and say he's a danger to my baby.

maybebabybee Sat 05-Mar-16 05:29:01

Please report him for breach of the order. It doesn't matter if you've replied to his texts - the order is against him, not against you, and only he can breach its terms. People consistently misunderstand non molestation orders and think they're against both parties. They aren't.

flowers for you. This man is a disgusting bully.

EveryDaySeemsLikeAWar Sat 05-Mar-16 07:15:41

I'll tell the police when I see them this week.

Something strange happens whenever I ring/speak to the police I automatically feel like I'm in trouble and I've done something wrong. And when it's been about the ex I've always felt like they won't believe me and look at me like a liar.

I think that's because of ex though and the things he's told me over the years. Stuff starts to stick in your mind doesn't it.

I didn't want any of this, I just wanted a normal happy family.

I'm only 24 so I've plenty of time to sort my life out ( I hope ) but this just isn't how I wanted things.

I was going to move areas with the help of MARAC but I've just been accepted onto a college course and the area I wanted to move to is too far away from the college. But my solicitor rang me and said because of the domestic abuse I've suffered I'm eligible for a criminal Injury's compensation. So if I get that compensation I can learn to drive and once I'm driving I can move areas and still go to the same college, it'd be an hours drive but that'd be better than 2 buses.

DollyTwat Mon 07-Mar-16 23:37:36

I think I remember you from before op. You've done so well to get away from him and get that order, so use it.

You got it to keep him away from you, so unless you use it, it was a waste of time. The more you report him the better. It's the only way the police can help you. The fact you have an order means they won't be surprised to hear from you.

Keep yourself safe and keep reporting him op

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now