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Going against the Child arrangements order - can I have some legal advice please?

(8 Posts)
bella1968 Tue 23-Feb-16 13:24:45

We have a CAO in place, 7 days each, handover Friday. Can my ex take the children (12 years of age) on holiday for example for 2 weeks when they are supposed to be back with me alternate weeks? legally what could or even should I do?

I don't see the point of going back to court saying my ex took the children on holiday and they had a great time but they weren't back on the Friday and I didn't give my permission, how does that look to my children? I don't see the point of saying no just because he said no to my taking them on holiday and returning 1 day late and refused to hand over the passports, that would be out of spite and not in my children's best interests.

So, should I take my children on holiday despite asking him for an extension and him saying no or giving me a long list of conditions which can never be met?

Any legal advice would really be appreciated. Thanks.

Zampa Tue 23-Feb-16 13:28:05

Could you not go back to court for a specific order, outlining several weeks holiday a year for each parent? It's in the children's best interest to have holidays with both parents.

In an ideal world, parents would negotiate these things between themselves but from experience, I know this isn't always possible!

Fourormore Tue 23-Feb-16 13:38:19

Legally he can't, but as you know, there's nothing to actually stop him doing it really. You wouldn't be making a wise move refusing the holiday anyway.

With regards to the children having holidays with you, you could either just take them, which I wouldn't recommend either from a legal perspective or from impact the increased conflict would have on the children.

I would file for a specific issue order, setting out an annual schedule of holidays. You obviously can't be going back for each and every holiday you want to take. It'd be £215 and you could easily self represent for that.

bella1968 Tue 23-Feb-16 14:11:31

thanks, so basically he can do what he likes but I can't unless I want to cause ructions and refuse the children their holiday.

Guess I'll just have to rely on the fact that he makes himself look bad in front of the children by refusing to let me take them on a holiday longer than 7 days and abroad but he can do any of those things!

I'd say he's still in control that is.............. unless I want to use more of my money that I don't have, already still owe £10,000 to the solicitors!

Thanks, I thought this would be the case, life's just not fair is it!?

Fourormore Tue 23-Feb-16 14:20:48

Well you can do what he's doing, it just won't look good and isn't good for the children - that goes for both of you.

If he continually breaks the order or is unreasonable about holidays you can apply for enforcement or a variation or a specific issue order. But yes, the answer to your question is that if you want to do something, your only real route is through the court and if you don't want to do that then you do have to suck it up.

bella1968 Tue 23-Feb-16 14:26:08

ok thanks fourormore your final words made me laugh, I'm doing a lot of that I'm afraid, but all in a good cause ................. my children : )

Fourormore Tue 23-Feb-16 14:31:21

It's certainly frustrating - I'm counting down the days til my DC are 18 and I can stop limiting my life by the opinions and demands of my ex!

bella1968 Tue 23-Feb-16 16:14:31

it's 16, I read this on a legal website that no judge will give an order telling the children what they can and can't do at this age as they can make their own decisions. So to be honest, it's not worth the cost of going through the court system again just to be told by the judge that she/he won't make an order which obviously they can do. They only make an order if they think it's in the best interests of the child and obviously can't force the child so we are beholden to what the child wants in the end, whilst at the same time trying to bring our children up to be decent human beings, hard though when they see what their parents are like, this is where it looks better to the child if at least one of the parents is doing the right thing to make them happy, I have to believe that my children know this and understand that I won't stop them as long as it is what they want. I wouldn't withhold their passports or stop them going on a brilliant holiday, why would I ?? I don't want to be tarred with the same brush as my ex, he paints himself out to be the ogre very well on his own and I just pick up the pieces whilst he moans that it's all my fault. Some people never take responsibility for being an arse do they!! men are soooo good at this!

Any 16, ok : )

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