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Non molestation order, child contact

(13 Posts)
StressedAndWorried24 Mon 22-Feb-16 17:36:41

I got a non molestation order against my violent EA ex and also a residency order for our child so he cannot take her from me as he has previously threatened to take her away from me permenantly

Through the grape vine I've heard he's been to see a soliciter about contact, I'm expecting a letter soon

My soliciter told me if he did apply for contact he would have to do a 26 week domestic violence course before he would even be considered.

My question is, once he's done the course ( if he does, I doubt he'd stick to it )

Would he get to see our child? Or would 6 months no contact qualify to just leave us alone? After 6 months my baby won't know who he is ( 13 months ATM )

We've been separated since December and he hasn't seen our child since then so all in all if the course oes as it should it will be 8 months of not seeing each other

Would the courts make me let him have access after 8 months? He'll be a stranger by then,

He didn't bother with our child when we were together he just uses her as a pawn.

I don't want him near my baby I don't want him to have any contact

What do you think the outcome will be and has anyone done this way before?

StressedAndWorried24 Mon 22-Feb-16 17:46:25

Forgot to add I am going to move areas. When I do move how long would it take for his soliciter to find me as such?

RudeElf Mon 22-Feb-16 17:50:43

I hate to tell you this but the court granted contact to my DS's paternal grandparents after an 8 month break in contact. He had never lived with them and had only had a few hours every other staturday prior to the break in contact. He was 18 months when contact stopped and 2.2 years when resumed. Initially supervised.

NeedSomePeaceAndQuite Mon 22-Feb-16 17:56:10

I've been in a similar situation and the courts in my case couldn't make him do any courses because he outright denyed all claims of EA/DV and blamed everything on me so they said it would be a waste because he didn't accept responsibility even though they believed my side of events.

He didn't see my DC for almost a year and was allowed indirect contact for a few weeks then a few months of supervised contact before it was ment to progress to contact in the community (with no one watching him but he should stay in a public place and not take DC to his home even though there was no one to police it) then after a few months of that it would be completely unsupervised and then progress to over nights

In my case he gave up half way through supervised contact luckily for my DCs sake

The courts are really big on the father having contact even in DV situations

thanks to you I know how tough this can be I've been in similar shoes

StressedAndWorried24 Mon 22-Feb-16 18:06:03

He wil Definetly have to do the courses, before he got served with the papers he got a chance to go to court about them and he didn't show up, my soliciter said if he isn't show up it's an admission of guilt.

So because he didn't bother going the non molesation order got served and in the eyes of the judge he was guilty of everything I said. ( he is guilty of it )

His mum is also a big factor in this. His mum and sister have threatened me on more than one occasion, I don't want my child anywhere near either of them.

Part of me wants her to know her dad because if the courts make me send her off I'd rather save her the stress of having to see essentially a stranger at a contact centre, does tht make sense?

I don't want her being with what to her is a stranger, she'll get upset. But at the same time I want to keep her safe, but at the same time if they make me send her off it is worth stopping him now if the outcome is that he'll get to see her anyway?

I'm not making much sense am I, sorry. I'm very stressed and very tired

I don't know what to do,

alphacourse Mon 22-Feb-16 18:06:39

Hopefully your experience will be different to mine. I had a non molestation order, and have been heard at MARAC 5 times. I am currently deemed to be an "immediate risk of serious injury or homicide". Yet the court awarded him 50:50. He had only lobed with my youngest for 13 weeks of her life and I was still breastfeeding. The children report he hits them. He admits he does. Social Services STILL recommend 50:50. I would brace yourself in all honesty. Sorry

StressedAndWorried24 Mon 22-Feb-16 18:18:48

YEs I'm involved with MARAC, I go to a support group who offered me their services which I gladly took on, I didn't realise they were to do with social services though and it was too late to back out when I'd realised

I havnt had any credit so I've missed some calls from MARAC and my support group and then received a letter from social services saying my daughter had ha a referral due to my lack of engagement with MARAC and support groups

They said they'd closed the case but urged me to continue with the support.

That's stressing me out too Ive missed a few phonecalls and they've reffered me to SS? I can't believe them their meant to help me

Yes, from what Im reading online now he will eventually get contact anyway

I don't want to stress my daughter out in the future, I don't know now whether to let him have contact now then instead if it just dragging out for 8 months? I'm thinking about my daughte in the future I don't want her being upset because she's say with a strange man

Oh god thinks awful I don't know what to do

TheWeeBabySeamus1 Mon 22-Feb-16 18:37:36

Wait and see if he does take it to court first... he may not bother but if he does due to the DV you'll be entitled to Legal Aid for a solicitor.

Due to no contact in months I would expect contact to initially be in a contact centre for a couple of hours, and gradually build it up over a few months.

I also have a non mol and ex now gets 3 hours unsupervised a week, I drop off at my mums and he collects from there and we use a notebook to communicate about DS's care. Is this something you could eventually do so you don't have to directly deal with him?

StressedAndWorried24 Mon 22-Feb-16 18:50:10

YEs I already get legal aid due to DV

No, my family do not like him at all and I don't think any of them would tolerate him and I'm not willing to see his family after the threats

I'm reading some conflicting things online

Some SS have made people do the contact order but some SS have been on oeoples back for letting them have contact even though it's been court ordered

I can see this going to court tbh, depending what frame of mind he's in hell do the courses so he can see my daughter,

I'm just reading some more online about it all

StressedAndWorried24 Tue 23-Feb-16 16:37:48

I forgot to say yesterday

My ex claims on his PIP that he cannot look after himself. He claims a family member comes round to prepare his meals and help him get dressed ect and that they take him on days out.

This is not true at all But if I tell the judge that he needs help to look after himself and he can check his benifit claims will the judge do this?

Would that help me with access?

He is also a heavy drinker and abuses cocaine frequently,

UmbongoUnchained Tue 23-Feb-16 16:43:54

I don't really have anything to add but am in a similar situation myself so I know how you feel. It's really difficult but try and remember that if he was really that bothered then he would have done something sooner. My ex hasn't seen my daughter for a year and is threatening me with all sorts but as of yet has failed to actually do anything. All talk.

StressedAndWorried24 Tue 23-Feb-16 16:53:30

Yes that's my thinking umbongo but I just can't shake the feeling that I'm going to get a letter soon

He didn't even want our daughter in the first place, and I moved out of our shared home at 13 weeks pregnant due to his behaviour so she's never even lived with him,

I was considering contact yesterday but today I've decided he can take me to court if that's what he wishes

My thoughts yesterday were about how my daughter would feel in the next few months but for now I need to put that aside and look at what's best for her well being overall

He is an abuser by nature and I don't want them left alone together

KenzieBoosMummy Sun 15-Jan-17 23:38:07

Hi I know this is an old thread, but I just wondered if there was any update as I'm in a similar position myself right now!

Thanks

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