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Domestic abuse survivors - child contact

(6 Posts)
EveryoneHasAStory Sun 21-Feb-16 20:20:25

I'm worried my ex may take me to court to see 6 month old dd. If he does, I was wondering what he might be likely and unlikely to get? He emotionally abused me, manipulated me, with constant suicide threats, he threw mine and dds belongings round, broke things, screamed and swore at me, shook the wheel of the car whilst driving and me and dd were in back, and held me hostage with him and a knife. At the moment social services said I'm being more than reasonable offering him contact if he comes to my parents house, where I feel safe and I can be there to supervise him and dd too. He thinks this is completely unreasonable and refuses to visit. I have an inkling he may be looking in to taking me to court for unsupervised access. Looking to hear from anyone who has had an abusive partner and if they have any visitation with their children?

TheWeeBabySeamus1 Sun 21-Feb-16 20:35:47

Hi OP, currently going through the courts with abusive ex over contact, different situation to yours as I had to stop contact and start the proceedings myself but hopefully I can help a little.

You have offered contact which he has refused and is instead choosing not to see his DD at all - the court won't be impressed with this. With the history of abuse/unstable behaivour the court would more than likely make an interim order saying he is to have contact in a contact centre for a while ( usually 12 weeks ) and once that is done there will be further hearings to see how contact went, and if they feel he is able to cope with unsupervised visits. If so, with your DD being so young it would only be likely to be a couple of hours once a week.

You say that SS are involved so I'm guessing that you reported the incidents and there is an official record of them? If so then he's not got a cat in hells chance of getting unsupervised access right away, he needs to prove in a controlled environment that he is able to care for your DD.

He is being extremely foolish in refusing the offer you generously extended to him, and if he seeks legal advice he'll hopefully be told this.

TheWeeBabySeamus1 Sun 21-Feb-16 20:42:22

Sorry forgot to say how its panning out for me.

Ex actually tried to say in court that he wanted DS to live with him so the Judge adjourned the case to give him time to reconsider ( as there was no way it was going to happen and him pushing for it would just drag the matter out ) and in the interim ordered 2 hours a week in a contact centre. We went back to court a few weeks ago and he's still insisting that he wants custody, he was them awarded 3 hours a week unsupervised.pending a section 7 report from Cafcass. We're back in May so no idea whats going to happen but due to his unstable lifestyle he is unlikely to get any overnighr contact.

EveryoneHasAStory Sun 21-Feb-16 21:03:36

I can't believe your ex is trying to convince the court to let your ds live with him! So at some point they usually do get unsupervised contact? I really don't want that I don't trust him at all with her on his own, is there nothing I can do to stop that?

TheWeeBabySeamus1 Sun 21-Feb-16 21:29:10

My solicitor said to me that the only time that the court will rule for permanent supervision is if they pose a serious risk to the child. Supervised contact is seen by the courts as more of a stepping stone with unsupervised contact being the end goal.

It's shit tbh, the reason I took it to court was because ex tried to run off with DS, so every Saturday for 3 hours I sit there terrified and anxious that I'm not going to see DS again.

Is he really arsed or is he just trying to get at you, because unless he really cares the court and contact centre fees may deter him from going down this road.

EveryoneHasAStory Mon 22-Feb-16 11:40:57

God that's awful. I don't know he wasn't arsed when we were together he hardly bothered with her, he's used to getting loans for everything and anything so the fees probably won't be an issue

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