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Advice needed regarding police statement

(3 Posts)
MaHeidMaHeid Mon 01-Feb-16 11:56:18

Brief back story - ex dp was emotionally abusive towards me for several years. I wasn't allowed out, isolated, financially controlled and left with no confidence or self esteem. It came to a head a couple of weeks ago when he assaulted me and I finally went to the police and he was charged.

He is not allowed in my home town or any form of contact with me until the trial in a few months time. This has been amazing, he hasn't contacted me and I feel free, a lot happier and I have no stress. I don't have to worry if I've not stacked the dishes properly, I don't have to ask if I can go to the supermarket and there is no worry about what mood he's in and I've got piles of support from various agencies so I can finally see a happy future.

My problem is that he has been charged with assault but the police are keen to charge him with other stuff too (the emotional abuse, blackmailing, extortion) and they are asking for further statements from me.

I really really don't want to give any more statements. I just can't cope with going through every single thing from the past few years, incidents that may be relevant, spending hours getting it all in some form of order. I'm depressed and have anxiety and I've not slept for a week worried sick about giving a statement that I just don't want to give. It's really difficult to articulate why I don't want to I just don't. I'm not strong enough.

Can anyone advise me on what will happen now? I tried last week to tell the police that I didn't want to to any further but he said I had to and gave me another week to get my statement sorted. A week later and I'm even more stressed and anxious.

Do I really need to make a further complaint?


MaHeidMaHeid Mon 01-Feb-16 13:00:04


goldierocks Mon 01-Feb-16 16:14:54

Hello OP....well done for getting this far flowers

I'm five years further along the same road. My ex-DH flipped after many, many years of slowly escalating abuse. If I was going to be home late because of train problems, I even had to take a photo of the delay board to 'prove it'.

Your ex-DP will be under bail conditions at the moment which prevent him contacting you or from coming within a specific distance of your home. When he is sentenced, the bail conditions will end immediately. It's possible for the court to turn the bail conditions into a restraining order with the same terms, but there will need to be sufficient grounds to do this.

It sounds to me like the police want to get as much evidence as possible so that you have the best chance of your ex-DP receiving a restraining order in addition to the rest of his sentence.

Have you been assigned to a liaison officer at your local Domestic Abuse Unit? If not, I would strongly urge you to ask the officer dealing with your case to refer you.

In my case, I asked myself 'What outcome do I want?' - to feel safe, I knew I had to keep ex-DH as far away as possible.

I had a conversation with my liaison officer over a cup of tea in neutral surroundings. It wasn't like giving my statement after the assault. I wasn't ready to say some of the things he did to me out loud, but I managed to get 80% of it out. She wrote it down and I signed the bottom of each page (I cried over most of it). I felt so much better after I'd told her. I could never have said those things to anyone who actually knew him.

My ex-DH received a 12-week suspended custodial sentence for the assault. My liaison officer told me that my statement was instrumental in achieving the restraining order - she had never seen an open-dated one be granted before (i.e. there is no until date, it is permanent).

What feels worse; the thought that your ex-DP may contact you or you might bump into him unexpectedly near your home after his trial, or making a statement that will go towards keeping him away for as long as possible? - There is no right or wrong answer, you can only do what's best for you.

Please also consider going to your G.P. for some help for your depression and anxiety. It's completely understandable and they will be able to help. I went to see mine because I couldn't sleep....I was plagued with terrible nightmares. I couldn't get the words out to tell him why I couldn't sleep, so just showed him a copy of my police statement.

Good luck.

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