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PLEASE HELP ME!!

(14 Posts)
Anonymous1008 Sun 31-Jan-16 18:01:42

I suffer with depression and Borderline Personality Disorder and due to self harm and domestic violence on my part (which I am ashamed of) I was no longer allowed to live with my partner and our daughter (17months) and his son from a previous marriage (7) this was decided by social services which have been involved for a long time and we are currently under 'Child In Need'.

We are not married, but we are still in a relationship and I currently live in a hostel. I see my daughter for 2 hours on a Monday and a Friday and she stays over once every two Saturday's when my partners son goes to his moms, but I am only allowed supervised access with my partner.

Anyway, I've changed so much in the last 6 months, I've been attending therapy, I haven't self harmed, misused medication and am basically a completely changed person. I've done everything social services have asked me to do and have been fighting to have unsupervised access, or have my mom be someone who can supervise too as my partner works night shifts and has another child so it's difficult for him to bring my daughter to me more than he already does. So, whilst all this is going on they 'made' my partner apply for a residency order through the court so that if I was to run off with my daughter they could get the police involved.

I received a copy of the application and he's written that he wants FULL CUSTODY!!! I challenged him about it and he said he didn't know what the order was called so he just put that which is a load of rubbish! I'm not that stupid. He also said he's writing a letter to the judge to say he doesn't want full custody he just put that because he didn't know the name of the order.

Now, I don't know what to do!! The heading of the application says: Application under section 8 of the Children Act 1989 for a child arrangements, prohibited steps, specific issues order or to vary or discharge or ask permission to make a section 8 order.

I've read up about the section 8 and it has nothing to do with full custody, and I don't believe him one little bit that it was an accident! So under the section 8 can he actually ask for full custody? Because it's my understanding that it's nothing to do with that.

Social services also told me that the residency order wouldn't take away any of my parental responsibility and it was just a precaution, so I'm thinking he's lied to them as well! I am not stupid! A residency order and full custody are COMPLETELY different things!

I'm going to fight it, and he doesn't really stand a chance because of various reasons, but I can't get in touch with anyone until Monday. I have a mental health advocate as well and I know she will help me a lot, but I just want some advice because I'm really hurt. He got really angry when I confronted him and said things like "it would cost me £650 to apply for full custody and I've only paid £250", "Google a section 8 and you'll see it's got nothing to do with full custody", and "I DONT WANT FULL CUSTODY!!".

It's even written in his handwriting "I want full custody of daughters full name and it's written in various places in the application.

What the hell do I do?! I'm so upset! Can you actually apply for full custody on a section 8 application? I can't break up with him because as soon as I do he stops me seeing my daughter. I'm so stuck and just need some advice, personal or legal. Please help!

Fourormore Sun 31-Jan-16 18:12:09

There's no such thing as custody anymore. There hasn't been for nearly 30 years.
There isn't even anything called a residence order, it's called a Child Arrangements Order now and even if you kept your child, the police can't enforce a Child Arrangements Order, they could only do a welfare check.
A Child Arrangements Order doesn't necessarily affect your Parental Responsibility but the court can include clauses that would limit your PR if they thought it was necessary.

Either way, the worst thing you can do is panic and overreact. It sounds like he's doing the right thing.

Fourormore Sun 31-Jan-16 18:17:23

That should be "the right thing except he's asking for something that doesn't exist and therefore he can't get it." He sounds uninformed rather than malicious.

FlatOnTheHill Sun 31-Jan-16 18:34:48

For you OP thanks
Glad Fourormore has given you this advice. Hope you feel more re-assured. Good luck.

fastdaytears Sun 31-Jan-16 18:38:22

Full custody (or any type of custody) is not a thing at all any more. As Four has said, your ex's application is approximately 30 years too late.

Do you object to the arrangements? Other than wanting your mum to be an option for supervision? Where does your DD stay when you have overnight contact?

ZiggyFartdust Sun 31-Jan-16 18:41:38

There is no such thing as custody, and he already has full residency if the child as ordered by social services .

This really doesn't seem like the thing you should be focusing on in this situation. You don't even have unsupervised access, are you really going to make a big fuss about him getting a residency order that changes nothing anyway?

Fourormore Sun 31-Jan-16 18:48:13

Ziggy - I think the OP was confused and thought custody meant something other than residence.

ZiggyFartdust Sun 31-Jan-16 18:52:48

I know. Hence my reply

Anonymous1008 Sun 31-Jan-16 20:33:54

Fasts attests I have a big room and the hostel is new built and really lovely, I have a travel cot here with pillow quilt I have a set of pyjamas for her as well along with food and utensils for her to use. On the application there was a box to tick for a Child Arrangement Order, but instead of ticking that it's written in a box underneath 'Full custody of child to applicant'. My social worker told me that the residency order has been replaced by the child arrangement order and I have no problems whatsoever about this order being put in place, if anything, it may help me as social services may be more willing to give me unsupervised access. I came on here for some advice as I was under the impression that full custody/sole custody was a completely different thing, so therefore, yes I would make a big 'fuss' about it considering I am a good mom. My daughter is the most important person in my life, and to be told you cannot live with her anymore and you only have limited contact is possibly one of the most heartbreaking things to happen (in my opinion). He hasn't been an angel himself! I won't go into details, but I feel like I'm being bashed a little bit here. He knew what the order was called because he told me himself what it was, so when I see that he's applied for full custody and I didn't know it wasn't a thing anymore I panicked. Thankyou to everyone who gave helpful advice it has put my mind at ease a little.

Anonymous1008 Sun 31-Jan-16 20:34:34

The first bit was meant to be fastdaytears

FlatOnTheHill Sun 31-Jan-16 21:56:14

OP It must be hard. I think people on here trying to help. You are in a panicking situation and they are telling you how it is. You are not making a fuss. You didnt understand what was being set out to you. Dont take that comment to heart. You are panicking and I would feel the same. Hopefully you feel a bit better now after reading the comments. Sounds like you are trying really hard to get back on track with your life. Good luck with your daughter.

Anonymous1008 Mon 01-Feb-16 02:59:54

FlatOnTheHill thankyou very much. I am trying my hardest and I've made so much progress, which is why I was upset when I saw what he was applying for. Thanks for your best wishes

FlatOnTheHill Wed 03-Feb-16 23:28:53

Keep us updated on your progress. We are all here for support x

bella1968 Thu 04-Feb-16 12:59:43

Keep going Anonymous, keep on the good path that you have been and it will all pay off in the end. What will be will be but you have to try to stay calm and focus on yourself and your daughter only, keep you head straight and you will have your daughter back in no time, this is just a blip in your life right now, your daughter is young and needs her mother.

Don't let this mess up what good you've already achieved.
flowers and hugs to you, keep going smile

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