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Make a statement to police without pressing charges?

(18 Posts)
TryToBePositive Tue 12-Jan-16 13:03:17

Can I make a statement to the police without pressing charges?

It's a long story but I've finally come away from my abusive ex. He's received a harrasment warning from the police and on Friday I sent off court papers for a non molestation order for me and my child.

Ex dodged the police all week and they managed to get hold of him via the phone. They rang me to tell me they'd spoke to him and that he'd made an appointment to see them on Wednesday

I'm very frightened he's going to try and get me arrested.

In October he attacked me while I had our 9 month old baby in my arms. I'd managed to get up and put the baby on the couch, I was that frightened I picked up the closest item to me to defen myself -- it was an ashtray. I turned around and he was right behind me so I hit him in the face with it. It was only once and it was purely to defend myself.

But now I'm really worried he's going to try and get me arrested for it. And I know with the police even though they know our history they'll be obliged to arrest me.

Is it possible for me to make a statement to the police today but not press charges? I just want to do it purely to protect myself because thy will then see his as a counter complait and hopefully leave me alone.

I don't want go press charges because I don't want to have to go to court. I've had to have my locks changed, alarms on my windows and I'm having a panic alarm fitted in my house. I'm very tired and I just don't want anymore hassle.

acatcalledjohn Tue 12-Jan-16 13:25:42

I can't help, but just wanted to say well done for getting away and looking after your DC and yourself, and to bump the thread in to active for you.

Good luck! thanks

TryToBePositive Tue 12-Jan-16 13:36:50

Thank you

I could do with some advice soon because today will be my last chance to do somthing about it

I just don't want the police to decide to take it out my hands and take it to court for me. His family is huge in the area we live in and I know he'll bring them with him

I've been shaking all morning, I'm very worried

Epilepsyhelp Tue 12-Jan-16 13:41:54

Why don't you go into your local station and talk to them, or call your local station?

ohdearlord Tue 12-Jan-16 13:43:30

No experience at all but I'd probably go in and explain it myself. Get the information out, on my own terms.

TryToBePositive Tue 12-Jan-16 13:43:47


Yes my mums said the same. My issue with that is I'm worried they'll say they have to press charges and take it out of my hands. I'm not up for the stress and hassle of court, this past week has been awful an so stressful. I don't want anymore stress or hassle

AnchorDownDeepBreath Tue 12-Jan-16 13:45:27

You could make a statement about his assault, and your response. As it has been a while, and you're unlikely to have any marks/injuries still showing, this would be explaining it to a police officer and signing the statement.

You can then decide to not press charges. The police will send the case to the CPS to decide if there is enough evidence to press charges. This will depend on a lot of things.

It's worth considering the implications of not pressing charges, though. Have you pressed charges previously? On what grounds is your non-mol order? It would be further evidence that you need support in keeping him away from you.

In terms of court, you'd be separated from him and anyone that he brought with him, if you did have to go. You wait in separate waiting rooms, with someone from Victim Support accompanying you. You may not have to go to court anyway.

If you are concerned that he is going to start playing the legal system and trying to press charges against you, you would probably be advised to make a police report and press charges yourself. He has probably been advised that if he press charges and shows you as violent, he has a greater chance of getting contact/residence of his child. Whether he wants that or not is usually open for debate with this type of man, it's usually a control game more than anything, but it's something to consider.

TryToBePositive Tue 12-Jan-16 13:52:38


No, I don't have any marks still showing but at the time I did take pictures of the marks. I had bruise on my temple from being punched in the head, bruises on my legs, a gash in my back and bruises on my arms.

He on the other hand still has a mark on his head from the ashtray. It's badly scarred.

Yes I've pressed charges before. In July 2013 he got arrested for attacking me while I was pregnant. I started to lose the baby a few days later. And then April 2015 but I dropped the charges because he said social services would take my child and if I didn't drop the charges he would make my life a misery.

Yes that's my concern that he's going to try and play the legal system.

The non molestation order is I stay away from me and my child, there's also been a residency order out in place so he cannot take my child from me. My soliciter also said he will have to attend a domestic violence course, take drug tests and somthing to do with alcohol before he was allied I act with our child.

He's threatened to kidnap her which is why I cannot trust him with her.

I don't want to press charges because it's just more stress ad worry and I just can't cope. I've been staying at my mums because I'm fight ended to go home. I've slept at home once and by slept I managed to get 2/3 hours of disturbed sleep.

Do you think I should go and see the police today?

aginghippy Tue 12-Jan-16 14:01:12

Yes go and see the police today. Talk it over with them and tell them the concerns you have about him trying to play the legal system to abuse you further. As pp said, it will help to give them the information on your terms, from your point of view.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Tue 12-Jan-16 14:03:05

I would, if I was you. I understand it's scary. It sounds like you've been through hell.

You know that you don't have to go to court if you press charges, don't you? If you explain the stress and worry, they are very likely to not request your presence. You can do a video link or enter a statement in advance instead.

It's understandable that you don't want any more stress, or contact with him. I'd definitely go and record it and I'd think hard about reporting it. Ask the police how they can protect you if you do. It may well be enough, added to his previous offences, to stop him even trying to have any contact with your child.

I'm really sorry this has happened to you, and I'm glad you and your baby are safe now.

cdtaylornats Tue 12-Jan-16 23:57:50

You don't "press charges" in the UK. You make a complaint to the police and the CPS or Fiscal decides whether or not to prosecute

TryToBePositive Wed 13-Jan-16 02:35:44

Cdtaylornats the policeman I spoke to today asked if I wanted to press charges but thanks for your helpful advice hmm from the tone of my thread it was obvious I was very upset. No need for your comment really was there. Very rude.

Anchor the policeman was great. He knew ex and his family and said ex was "dishonest, a thief and just like his family" The family are well known to the police.

He wrote down what I said and it was recorded as a domestic incident. He said not to worry, I wasn't going to get arrested as it was self defence and ex's credibility was terrible.

I ended up crying my eyes out and he was very nice about it.

I feel a lot better now knowing I'm not goin to get arrested or anything like that.

Thank you for the helpful replies. I wasn't in a good place this morning and it was nice to have people talk a bit of sense

I'm considering moving area as this isn't going to get left alone. Ex and his family are not nice people and I'm already wary walking around my local area. I also feel like even if he does leave me alone everything will be tainted my his memory. " your so n SOS ex arnt you" "is that his kid" ect. I need a fresh start with new people I think.

Thank you for the helpful replies

aginghippy Wed 13-Jan-16 08:47:32

Glad to hear you the police were reassuring.

Hope you are feeling better today flowers

BitOutOfPractice Wed 13-Jan-16 08:52:45

Hey try well done for facing it and getting it sorted. You are very brave.

Have you got any family you could move nearer to. Your ex (and his family) sound vile. You have done so well to get away ad protect yourself and your DD thanks

TryToBePositive Wed 13-Jan-16 17:34:22


No, my family is very small, just me, my daughter, 3 sisters and a mum n step dad. All live within a ten minute walk from each other. We don't have cousins, aunties, uncles, grandparents ect. Very small family

I'm goin to have to go on my own, which is frightening in itself. I'm early 20's so still quite young.

I don't feel very brave lol. All day I've been feeling anxious like somthing terrible is going to happen. I'm scared, worried and I've had enough of the stress.

I'm glad I have my baby because if it wasn't for her I don't think I could cope. This is awful and I'm feeling very very lonely

BitOutOfPractice Thu 14-Jan-16 08:52:49

You see I'm a stubborn thing and I wouldn't let him drive me away.

MaybeDoctor Thu 14-Jan-16 09:49:05

Desperately sorry to read your post. I think that you should get as much support as possible from the police. Making a statement will help to protect you and your child, as it is additional evidence against him - which might be useful in the future.

Are you getting support from Women's Aid?

I think that moving would be a good plan and the route to a happier life. Even if it is just to the next town or area, it would make you much more comfortable about everyday life.

This is 2016 and no woman should have to live in fear.

intothebreach Mon 18-Jan-16 20:19:48

You've done so well and been so brave. There are bound to be many ups and downs for you yet - do you have supportive friends? I strongly recommend the freedom programme (ask women's aid about this) as it really is an eye opener and could help to keep you safe in the future.

I hope you're feeling okay today.

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