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Broken contact order am I doing the right thing???

(19 Posts)
nicklin89 Wed 06-Jan-16 20:13:47

Please bare with me I am new and have signed up for help/guidance.
My ex and I have three children together. We were involved in a on off relationship and it was a horrible situation.
Background, ex was abusive both emotionally and physically police called many times and she has been cautioned five times for DV.
Every time I left the house in the years we were together she threaten me and say I will never see the children again. I went to court and got an order stating i get access 50/50. This was in 2010. She messed around with contact never showing and then trying to say i had said i did not want contact or at worst times trying to say i neglected the children sad
Anyway she had a very scary hold over me. I know now that i was being manipulated but at the time I felt that i needed her and so on.
Anyway over the course of the next five years we got back together then spilt up over and over again.
Last time I had contact with my children was over 6 months ago. I went to her mums house where i am meant to pick the children up and my ex was there. She tried to talk to me about getting back in a relationship. I however told her that I love her and my children dearly but our relationship is in no way healthy and i was not willing to put the children through it anymore.
Then she completely lost it started throwing things at me(kettle,dishes) as I bend down to get my back to leave she slammed my head in the door and kept slamming it back and forth. I managed to get out the house and I phoned the police. They came took a statement (never heard back).
I phoned social services for help but they said if no risk to the children nothing can be done. I had no money to go back to court and was stuck. I went to the council for a place to stay as had no job (ex had made me lose every job i ever had by hiding my uniforms so i could not go in or phoning the job up causing trouble) and no permanent home (was staying with a relative)
Anyway (sorry for long post) I have been back and forth trying to find where I stand on anything and got some progress today from a helpful lady at citizens advice she said because there is already a court contact order in place i need to fill out a c79 form, basically it is a form for when an order is broke.

I have done and sent it off with the court fee. My question is will the court even listen me with the court order being so long ago (2010) we have never been back to court about it because we got back together and the times when we spilt up she would always contact me a week later asking me to come round and help with the children and we would end up being back together.

I know its long and most likely confusing but I am heartbroken I need my children I love them and all this is tearing me apart.

nicklin89 Wed 06-Jan-16 20:21:43

anyone around???

Shutthatdoor Wed 06-Jan-16 20:23:51

Of course the court will listen to you.

A horrible situation.

I hope someone with more knowledge will be along soon.

nicklin89 Wed 06-Jan-16 20:25:58

Thank you for taking the time to read and respond. I am just worried that because the order was in 2010 they are going to say I have to go through the whole process again before i get to see my children I miss them so much sad

VimFuego101 Wed 06-Jan-16 20:27:02

No real advice but I think you're doing the right thing in reviewing the contact order. I think you need a new one which states she is not allowed to be present during drop-off/pickup and that these should be done via an intermediary. I would also try and set things up so that you only communicate via email, so that everything is documented and in writing.

Shutthatdoor Wed 06-Jan-16 20:30:16

Good point about everything being in writing. That way you have 'proof' of what has been said.

I really feel for you.

You need to stay strong though. You can do this.

nicklin89 Wed 06-Jan-16 20:31:20

Thank you can I request that at the court? I have requested a different waiting room as the first time it went to court she bought the children, they were only babies/toddlers then. They were screaming for me and my little girl came running to me. Ex came over swearing and screaming and picked up our daughter and told her mum to get the children out of the waiting room. She then started threatening me and the lady at the desk took me to a different room anyway.

nicklin89 Wed 06-Jan-16 20:33:45

Yes thank you I at the moment have gone no contact anyway. Other than her mum when asking for contact but that never gets me anywhere. She is blocked on all social apps etc and she does not know my new phone number or address.

Shutthatdoor Wed 06-Jan-16 20:44:23

You need to keep a record of all threats etc made against you

nicklin89 Wed 06-Jan-16 20:51:23

I can get police reports. They any good? Thanks

Shutthatdoor Wed 06-Jan-16 20:59:06

They may be. You really need some legal advice aswell.

nicklin89 Wed 06-Jan-16 21:06:33

I used all my savings on paying for the court fee. I have no way of getting help and legal aid does not work for family law anymore.
Hopefully I will be ok when my court date comes through. I am just praying it won't take long and they will actually give me one. I need to see my children sad

Fourormore Wed 06-Jan-16 21:10:28

Did the police not follow up on your call? You can get legal aid if there has been DV. Someone more knowledgeable may be able to point you in the right direction.

Fourormore Wed 06-Jan-16 21:10:53

I'd also try and find your nearest Families Need Fathers meeting, as they can often help too.

nicklin89 Wed 06-Jan-16 21:19:13

Thank you. The police never get back to me the only time they have ever got back to me was the first time it happened when ex scratched my face down both cheeks when she had me up against our hallway wall, even then they only took photos and gave her a caution.
I did enquire about legal aid because of DV but got told it has very strict rules and that because ex has only ever been cautioned I don't qualify.

QueryQuery Wed 06-Jan-16 21:23:31

I'm not sure if it applies to family court fees, but if you are on a own income you may not have to pay the fee, or only pay a reduced amount. I don't know if you will be entitled to a refund, but might be worth asking the court for info about fee remissions? There is also info here.

nicklin89 Wed 06-Jan-16 21:26:39

Thank you will have a look smile

Funinthesun15 Wed 06-Jan-16 21:31:30

Good point Query

Collaborate Thu 07-Jan-16 09:44:59

OP - what is important is the last date of the most recent DV incident. Provided you qualify on financial grounds you should be eligible to receive LA. I suggest you continue with your self-rapping application, but in the meantime find a LA solicitor and take along evidence of the most recent police involvement.

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