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it's all starting again

(6 Posts)
Changeychanger Wed 06-Jan-16 10:18:20

Had pp about narc abusive ex, ( stalking, word salad, financial abuse, coercive control, gas lighting, drugging me etc)I've had treatment for PTSD and he took me to court for contact with dc, got supervised leading to overnight alternate weekends. His arguments were based on him getting married and becoming a family man, but his gfriend recently contacted me to say she's left and he was controlling and manipulative. She had been recruited to make him look good - and to hurt me.
So now he wants to vary the order to weekly. My dc's behaviour has deteriorated and I can see the familiar signs that he's grooming her like he did me. He wants weekly to regain control, I am moving three hours away ( agreed in court) and it will be disruptive.
Just attended mediation and he said wherever you go I will follow you.
I am no contact with him, handover by third party.
He's involved with fathers for justice, and tells everyone he is the victim.

Is he likely to get weekly ( it won't end there, he'll go for 50/50 then)
He's spent the last year parading kids to showcase how amazing he is, gathering statements and saying I am lying and he can prove it. Also that dc are too close to me and I am clinging on unhealthily to them.
Sorry it's so long.

Changeychanger Wed 06-Jan-16 10:23:04

I must add, that of course fathers have a right to regular contact, but I know his motivation is to get back in control- to punish me and own me and dc again. But that is impossible to prove. I know he's a monster, but to the outside he is great.

mumblechum1 Wed 06-Jan-16 10:24:17

So at the moment the order is for supervised contact, when does it say that contact will be unsupervised?

Generally, supervised contact is supposed to be short term, gradually moving on to unsupervised for short periods and then longer periods.

It's difficult to advise without seeing the court order and Cafcass report, but generally if you aren't happy with the way contact is going, it's up to you to apply for a variation.

Not sure whether that helps you tbh; if you can let us know what the report says and the conclusion of the Cafcass report (ie their recommendation), either myself or one of the other lawyers here may be able to help.

Changeychanger Wed 06-Jan-16 10:26:43

No, sorry didn't make it clear. We're passed contact centre, and he has them alternate weekends fri- sun.

Changeychanger Wed 06-Jan-16 10:32:18

He has sold his house, and has said wherever you move I will follow. So an extreme form of stalking. I want the contact order to stay the same ( recommendations by Cafcass- drug test, supervised, then where we are now, alternate weekends, handover to be by his gfriend as I am clearly distressed at having to see him)

I don't want him coming to my new town, my new life. I had to give up my old community, all my friends, because of him. sadso tired of it.

mumblechum1 Wed 06-Jan-16 12:05:50

OK so if he wants to have weekly contact he'll obviously need to make an application for a variation of the current order. If you've already moved to your new town by that point, the proceedings will be transferred to the local court.

You will of course need to object to any variation but this must be based on the impact of increased contact on your DC, rather than your relationship with the ex. So if your dc are exhibiting signs of distress, eg bedwetting, failing at school, etc, that is what you need to focus on.

Have you had any help for yourself at all, in terms of how you handle his behaviour? He's trying to control you and upset you by the sounds of it so you need to have some methods of not allowing his behaviour to have that effect on you. You can't stop him moving to your new town etc and unless there's direct and corroborated evidence of his harrassing you, it will be difficult to prove and get any protection, but at least you may be able to get some help in terms of equipping yourself to not engage and not allow him into your head iykwim.

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