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Template for No Contact Letter?

(5 Posts)
mrsdarcey78 Wed 23-Dec-15 07:10:54

Hi I have posted before. I will try and keep it brief. I have had a long marriage with the husband, who left over 15 months ago. Many reasons mainly his emotionally abusive behaviour towards myself and the children. Since then the children aged 17 14 and 8 decided they did not want to see him. I have been personally no contact with him since February 2015. I changed my mobile due to the calls and texts I was receiving. He still emails my hotmail account. There are hundreds of emails on there, all with no reply from me. He has now decided due to not getting my attention on there, he will use the children and keeps saying and he has said this for over a year to take me to court for access. Nearly every week he says in these emails he is doing this and has not done so far. I have been told by various people and solicitors I have queried that the two older children will be fine and the youngest depends on the judge, But their wishes will be taken into account. Today I was woken by cards put through the door from him and his family for Xmas. and another email demanding the children get them and the money and a letter from his mother saying she wants emails texts and letters etc. There was a fall out between him and his family 5 years ago and due to him they havent seen them since then. I basically want to know, how do i proceed with this. Do I carry on with the no contact and just keep the emails etc. Do I send them back anything I get? Do we send them a letter from the children saying thank you for the cards, we have decided for many reasons for no contact and we ask that you respect this and we will contact you in the future if we wish? Or will this be used against us in court?. Technically, he has had no response from me in 10 months so he has no way or knowing if I read those emails. Would you advise no contact carries on, or a short brief letter to him and also to his family members? Thank you for any help in this matter.

Lonecatwithkitten Wed 23-Dec-15 08:14:58

Have you had any form of legal advice? If not this will be a good start.

mrsdarcey78 Wed 23-Dec-15 08:34:01

I have emailed several local solictors and seen citizens advice. He hasn't actually sent me anything regarding contact/access or anything legally. so they can't represent me or defend anything. Basically they have all said that the two older children will get their wish. They "vote with their feet", and even if he had access with the youngest she would also "vote with her feet", and her wishes would be listened too. Its just knowing whether to carry on with "no contact", or to take action and send a letter saying what the children want to say and saying this is our wishes please respect that. And if they do that how to word it etc. x

Lonecatwithkitten Wed 23-Dec-15 09:34:44

A solicitor can advise you on the way to word this even if he hasn't written to you. In a similar situation I wrote the letter my solicitor proof read it and suggested changes. It was very helpful.

0Dunbar Thu 24-Dec-15 02:28:20

The difficulty here is the youngest. Due to her age and the circumstances there is no predicting what Cafcass and the court will decide.

You are not obliged to send letters to either him or his family or to respond to his emails. Until (and if) the court put a contact order in place you have no obligation to ask the children to see him or his relatives if they have clearly indicated they don't want to. Personally I would continue to ignore the emails and letters, I think perhaps a formal letter from yourself setting out your position may inspire him or his family to take the letter to a lawyer.

As a side note, 15 months is a long time and I think perhaps if he was intending on issuing proceedings he would have done so. Flooding you with emails is obviously a last ditch attempt at exerting control over you and clearly it makes him feel better. Realistically the longer your DD maintains she does not want to see him, the more likely the court will order a report to discover the "wishes and feelings" of the child, therefore she is more likely to get what she wants which is not to see him.

Try not to worry about it over Christmas fsmile

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