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What are the chances he will he get access to my children?

(7 Posts)
willhegetmykids Sun 15-Nov-15 19:43:58

I have 4 children with my ex.

He has a conviction for assault on me from over a decade ago.

I had him charged 8/9 years ago although it was thrown out through lack of evidence (it went to court)

He has been abusive since then I have no evidence of this.

He started being awful (going from not really giving a shit) to our dc about 5 years ago.

I got away.

One of my dc has been diagnosed with anxiety due to his treatment of them.

Another had to suffer a huge homophobic rant by him and is very upset by that.

After that I broke all contact.

He has my email and has emailed maybe 3 or 4 times in a year. Twice to say he was coming to where we were and asking to see the dc, he didn't come anyway. Once to ask me why I said something awful to him on facebook (which I'm not on and haven't been for many years) and there was another one asking for my address.

I gave him a family members address and he sent gifts for 3 of our children, but not the other.

He calls an old phone he knows is out of use to 'prove' he tries to keep in touch despite having my actual phone number (he is very clever about keeping record of things to make himself look good)

He lives hundreds of miles away.

He genuinely can't handle them all together.

He cannot handle the dc with anxiety at all, he shouts screams and is heavy handed.

He and a member of my family had a 'campaign' against me and made repeated calls to SS about various things, all were unfounded and found to be malicious (they are ongoing, but SS pay no attention now) obviously I have no proof this was him.

I can't have him showing up every 4-6 months for a couple of days upsetting my dc and then going away again, there is no chance of consistant contact from him.

He can't maintain consistant skype/phone contct, I have given him many opportunities to prove himself, regular contact lasts a couple of weeks then tails off.

Over the last few years I have done my best to facilitate contact for the sake of my dc, I did all the running, I don't do this anymore because he isn't bothered about them, just how he looks to others, his new girlfriend, I believe, is pushing him to take me to court for contact. he will probably do it to impress her.

Does anyone have any clue where he would stand on getting access to my dc?

Thank you if you manged to read all that.

MissFitt68 Sun 15-Nov-15 20:05:45

Well he will get supervised in a contact centre.... But he will need to show up on time.every time. Sounds like he will fail at that first hurdle

If you engage with the process, you could ask for consistent letterbox contact first, progressing to phone calls.... Maybe Skype, and. then contact centre. Will be step up and manage that?

willhegetmykids Sun 15-Nov-15 20:30:53

Thanks for your reply.

I offered him supervised at a contact centre and he said no, he couldn't as he lives too far away.

The last time he decided he wanted contact with my dc he phoned 3 times a week for 3 weeks, then text saying it needed to be an hour later, then a day later then there was nothing at all. I don't think he would do letterbox contact, he won't even write a card as he says he is dyslexic (he isn't he is just lazy and can't be bothered).

He comes along every 6-12 months full of promises and wanting to be father of the year and it always tails off within a month.

I can't put my dc through it anymore.

I'm really worried he takes me to court and gets half the holidays or something, his house isn't big enough for my dc, he has a real temper on him and it will do my dc with anxiety no good to be near him.

If he proved himself to care about them and bother to be a constant in their lives that would be very different, but he doesn't, he comes along, winds them up, upsets them, then I'm left picking up the pieces afterwards until the next time.

MissFitt68 Sun 15-Nov-15 23:28:08

Well that's exactly what a court would require, him to be 'a constant'

And he would be required to travel .... Both to court and to contact

howtorebuild Sun 15-Nov-15 23:31:27

He won't be able to keep it up, which the court will require.

OnTheEdgeToday Sun 15-Nov-15 23:38:10

My ex was very much like you describe yours.
Because he wantes to 'look good' he made sure he attended all court hearings and contact centre sessions. It was as soon as contact came out of the contact centre he couldnt be bothered as he felt he didnt need to prove himself anymore.

The only difference between mine and yours, is mine got legal aid back then. Your ex wont.

willhegetmykids Mon 16-Nov-15 11:34:03

Thanks for your replies.

i wasn't sure if the court would just give him unsupervised access for a week or 2 at a time because of the distance between us.

I'm really hoping he won't take it to court, although in some ways it would be nice to see him prove he actually cares.

I have my dcs best interests at heart, he tells me how much I am messing things up in the phases he takes of being interested, but I'm the one who is here, it's easy to be the perfect parent in a few phone calls a year sad

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