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Can DS refuse contact with father

(2 Posts)
miffyandsnoopy Wed 04-Nov-15 11:45:52

My DS is 12, his father refused to see him until he was at primary school as he didn't want to be a father. He then started to see him regularly from around age 4/5 due to me regularly offering him a chance to be in his sons life, he was later added to the birth certificate.
My son since around age 9, refuses to sleep at his dads house, and started begging me not to send him anymore, and pretending to be ill to get out of going. When I ask why he doesn't want to go he says he 'hates him' and he hates his fathers now wife who my son says 'pressures him' into more contact with his father.
It is hard because I really encouraged his father to have the relationship with his son over the period that the father was refusing as I felt it important for my son to know his father. But now I wish I hadn't bothered as my son hates having to see him. He says he feels really uncomfortable, pressured by his step mum and he is now at a point where he goes to his dads and refuses to talk to his dad the entire time. And when I send him he says he hates me for sending him. Yet his dad is angry with me because he thinks it is me making my son not want to go. My son says he never wants to see him again.

What age can my son legally refuse to see his dad? Should I allow the contact to stop now? If I let it stop could I end up in a worse situation through court?
Please, any advice would be appreciated?

dogwalker75 Wed 04-Nov-15 12:03:40

I think CAFCASS would take your sons POV on board if it went to court. The fact you've been the one to push for contact would probably go in your favour (eg court wouldn't think you were bitter and manipulating your son). Can you prove you were the one who pushed contact? Any emails or written communication between you and DS's father?

I think it'd be a good idea for you to speak to a solicitor re CAFCASS and court. They might advise you to write to DS's father stating that DS wants to stop contact and then let him take you to court to pursue contact (if DS's father wants to). Your son would then have the opportunity to speak to CAFCASS.

I think I'd first have a chat with your ex about DS's reasons for wanting to stop contact and see if your ex can make any chances so contact is more enjoyable for DS. Can contact be during the day instead of overnight? Then DS's SM doesn't need to be there every time, since it sounds like she's part of the problem.

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