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(9 Posts)
Dutch72 Wed 21-Oct-15 21:21:47

Anyone had any positive experience with Cafcass? my three children...11 years,9 years and 7 years are flatly refusing to see their dad, despite a court order for one and a half hours contact a week, through a child arrangement order...

They simply refuse to see him, until there is an agreement in place that no overnight visits will be forced. They do not wish to meet his new partner at present, or be taken to their house.

Will Cafcass and the court respect their wishes? Surely a child cannot be forced?

Fuckitfay Wed 21-Oct-15 22:35:21

Why do they not want to see him? You wouldn't let a child of this age decide not to go to school so why allow them to decide they do not want to see their father? A court sees a relationship with both parents as just as important as education

Zampa Wed 21-Oct-15 22:38:32

At that age, children don't realise the negative effect of not spending time with a parent. CAFCASS and the courts act in the best interests of the children - which is having a relationship with both parents (providing there are no DV issues or similar).

goddessofsmallthings Thu 22-Oct-15 01:08:04

In the absence of any information as to whether there have been any incidents of dv, one and a half hour's contact a week doesn't seem excessive and you, and your dc, are best advised to comply with the current order as seeing their df regularly for this short period of time will give more weight to any objection they may have to staying overnight with him when/if the court considers the matter further.

It may be that during contact their df will take them to his new home and they may, indeed, meet his new partner but, again, this can only give credence to any subsequent objections they may collectively or individually have should application be made to extend the time they spend with him/have overnight stays.

Given the ages of your dc, there's a danger that you may be seen as being obstructive if you fail to comply with the order as it stands and it's unlikely any court will take your dcs wishes into account if their df has not been given opportunity to see them.

Please don't be tempted to make the wrong decision in the short term as it may jeopardise the welfare and wellbeing of your dc in the long term.

prh47bridge Thu 22-Oct-15 08:25:08

Some of the reasons you give sound more like the kind of thing you would say rather than a child of 11 or younger. Be careful that the courts don't conclude that you are turning them against their father. If they think the children are parroting your views rather than expressing their own they may well conclude that you are being obstructive.

As others have said, you need to make sure you and your children comply with the current order. Failure to do so could result in enforcement action being taken against you which could lead to you being penalised. It could also mean that the courts are less likely to give weight to your views in any future cases concerning your children.

Bellemere Thu 22-Oct-15 20:31:03

You have already posted about this before and received very good advice.

I would not be surprised if CAFCASS picked up that the reason they don't want to go is because you have exposed them to emotions that they are far too young to process.

Perhaps go back to your previous thread and re-read the advice that you got then rather than continuing along the line of "they don't want to" which is likely to backfire in the longer term.

Dutch72 Sun 25-Oct-15 22:03:12

Yes I acknowledge... Some children don't wish to go to school. As a parent you have make sure they go. But my children aren't frightened of school, they don't have any reservations...

They are sadly frighten wined of heir father, who shouts inches from their faces if he doesn't get his own way. He calls all sorts of names to me in front of the children...' No one will go with you... Look at the state of you... You're fat, you're ugly... You're a fat whale... A monster' you name it, my three have heard it...

Despite all of that... I always says to the children... If you ever want to see you dad, I will never stop you. I will always support you. But it has to be you that want to see him.

My ex has always had it his way, on his terms...

Now... It needs to be not on my terms not his, but the children.

Everyday, I encourage the children to see him. Mybson is desperate to see the new James Bond film... I suggested he go with his dad. Spend some father and son time. James Bond really isn't by bag. It resulted in my son being terribly upset.

I've asked the children 'what do you want?' .... It's simple. All they want, is to live with their mum . Not be forced into meeting a woman that was happy to go with their dad, literally weeks after he left myself and then. Literally a week before their mum had a major operation, and left incapacitated.

My 11 year old daughter cannot understand why any woman wilful happily live with a married man that has just left his wife and kids? And drag her kids into the 'new relationship too'.

All I can do is encourage my children to see their dad, and try to get their relationship back ponytail, and build Bridges. Not meet with his new partner. They need to feel loved by their dad. not be forced into meeting anyone they don't want to... It's like a grieving process.... Who's to put a time limit on that?!!!

Dutch72 Sun 25-Oct-15 22:24:39

Sorry... Predictive text.... All I can do is encourage my children to see their dad, and get their relationship back on track.

Has there been Dv? Yes... I have been punched repeatedly in back by him. My 11 year old witnessed it. She photographed my back, she gave a statement along with myself to the police...

I w been mentally abused... Name calling... Emails, texts.... That's worse than the physical abuse.... Especially when your kids see it...

Financial abuse... It's endless... Relentless... And then ... Why don't the kids want to see him?!! Well.... I'm afraid, they have seen too much. No, it's not acceptable to walk out on a son of 2 years of age, walk out on his mother... Then get married again.... And walk out on that woman... Oh and third time lucky.... Marry again, and then walk out on me and our three children...

Run off with a work colleague ( after being caught out dating on the most vile sexual websites...) then date a woman who's twice divorced herself... A 20 year old son from one marriage... And then a 9 year old daughter from another...who sells her house within 3 months of dating 'my husband' at the time... Then rents a massive house with him... And wants to force the kids to meet her and accept her?!! Sorry? But am I wrong to have reservations!? Yet I continue to encourage the children to see their dad....

Bellemere Sun 25-Oct-15 23:34:26

Your posts continue to confuse the two issues - your thoughts and feelings and the thoughts and feelings (and welfare) of your children. Honestly, from what you've said, in your shoes I'd be a raging harpy but we can't be. As mothers we have to deal with our own issues separately from our children. We have to protect our children from all of this pain, at least until they are old enough to handle the truth. Your children shouldn't know any of this pain, which means being a far bigger person than your ex is being right now.

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