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my rights re children

(3 Posts)
bigbuttons Tue 08-Sep-15 14:09:11

I hope someone can help or point me in the right direction. I shall try to be was brief as I can.

I have 6 children with my ex.We are not married. T youngest child is 8 and the eldest just 17. When we lived together we were in a very large house with land etc etc. my name is not on the mortgage but I did put a lot of money into the house at one point.
He was and is an abusive man, mostly emotional, always financial and sometimes physical
3 odd years ago we decided we needed to split. The idea was I was to move out with the youngest 4 dc so that he could fix the house up to sell and then he would buy us both smaller houses.
I moved out, the oldest dc wanted to stay with him.
Of course 3 years down the line he is still in his house and I am still renting. He has a cleaner /housekeeper and a gardener. He pays no child support and claims he is broke ( self employed).

It has always been his opinion that i am a shit person and mother. He has told the older children a lot of lies about me and has worked very hard to get them onside. The oldest of my children living with me is a dd age 14 who adores him. A few months ago he worked with her so that she could spend 4 nights a week at his house. i didn't want it to happen and has\d no choice. I couldn't make her stay. he had told her it was better for her to be away from the noise of having 3 younger sibs.,. but felt powerless.
Dd is flightly and stubborn, she also self harms. I am her legal guardian and have PR for her.
I need to know what rights I have as far as all this goes. Can he just say she wants to stay with him therefore that is happening? Is it possible for me to get a formal agreement so that he has to stick to the days he has her and not enable her to swap and change whenever she feels like it?
I understand any judge would listen to what she wants ( which is time in both houses). What i can't stand is being pissed around like this. But he frightens me and the way he influences the children fighters me.
He has filled the large house with students and he and the children basically live in one room. He sleeps in the front room and the children have rooms at the top of the house. He is now doing self employed van driving and is often away all day and most of the evenings, leaving dd alone with her brothers ( not really a problem). Of course I don't get a penny, he would now argue he has 3 children and i have 3 therefore we are even.

last night she dd(14) was with me and he was due to collect her. He didn't turn up until 9.50 because he had been playing football.. I just can't stand this behaviour. I want it to stop.
Any advice please?
Thanks for reading.

STIDW Tue 08-Sep-15 21:08:23

You would be well advised to see a solicitor to see if you can establish a beneficial interest in the property.

Legally Parental Responsibility gives parents responsibility for their children and rights to carry out those responsibilities. An unmarried father who isn't on the birth certificate (from certain dates depending whereabouts you live in the UK) or hasn't acquired Parental Responsibility through an agreement with you or a court order doesn't have PR.

When a father has PR he has the same responsibility and rights as the mother and arrangements for children need to be agreed. If agreement cannot be reached either parent may apply to court for an order to resolve the issue.

From a practical POV good contact for children relies on parents working together, or at least not against each other. A mediator might be able to help you come to an agreement and draw up a written parenting plan. An alternative would be counselling. Relate can support parents of troubled parents.

If that fails you can apply to court for a Child Arrangement Order if an order would make the arrangements better for the child. An agreement can be reached during proceedings the court can make an order "by consent." However teenagers can resent a parent taking the other parent to court and a 14 year olds views carry considerable weight. Forcing your daughter into an arrangement could seriously backfire leading to risky behaviour such as running away.

bigbuttons Wed 09-Sep-15 06:35:27

Thank you for replying.

My ex does not have PR and has not sought to get it legally.

I am aware that DD's views will be taken into account I just want to stop ex from trampling all over me.
Yes it is a problem that Dd will run away. She runs away from everything that she doesn't like and being with her is like walking on egg shells.
it is a miserable situation.

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