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Child arrangement order

(9 Posts)
Iwishicouldflyfarfaraway Mon 10-Aug-15 08:55:47

Hi , I'm hoping somebody who some experience / expertise with these can give me some advice quickly . When I divorced my ex I filled out the form pertaining to the access arrangements for the children, he didn't sign it countered it with something else and defended the divorce , at the hearing he asked the judge about the children's access , judge said we the hearing wasn't about that but he didn't feel that we needed to go to court as flexibility was better , ex was moaning he had not had extra time in the half term . This was due to my job at the time & the way I book childcare in advance . Job has since changed & is consistent hours every week , childcare still booked in advance . Not sure if this is relevant but want to give a full picture. When we first spilt ex was staking me & harassing me & was arrested when he was caught on my property but was cautioned due to first offence this in his mind equals he did nothing wrong hmm so fast forward a couple of years and access is semi settled until we get to the school holidays , half terms he never requests any extra time , I just usually tell him he is collecting children earlier from childcare , only holiday he requests is some time in the summer holidays last year one week , this year two weeks. (And he will try to kick off about Christmas as I have them Christmas Day ) I have to book childcare in advance so I then let him know collection times for the next few times , every year he then starts messaging ( I try to use a member of his family as an intermediary due to the previous issues ) about how he has no extra time , ( normally on the first week of the holiday , so he would know childcare has already been booked. )he has rights etc etc , some times I react sometimes I don't every time I tell him he is just being a bully and the messages are harresment . He tells me he's standing up to me! Sorry for the essay if you've got this far thank you smile and so my question , after this years flurry of messages I looked into a child arrangement order , I'm not sure about the mediation due to the previous arrest & the length of time since separation, but I was advised he was looking for a family solicitor . So now I'm unsure whether to wait and allow him to apply and then just put my side to the court , including copies of the messages he sends . Or whether it would look better if I have already started the ball rolling by putting in my own application. Thank you in advance and sorry it's such an essay.

Iwishicouldflyfarfaraway Mon 10-Aug-15 11:56:01

And I was so busy trying to get as much info written down as I could , I forgot to put in paragraphs blush

Lonecatwithkitten Mon 10-Aug-15 12:09:41

I don't have a solution, but you are not alone. My ExH throws at me on reasonably regular basis that I control his access to DD.
The truth is I ask well in advance when he would like to have her in the holidays he never makes a decision and then I eventually suggest weeks which he goes along with.
I keep every single email I send asking for him to make a decision.

Iwishicouldflyfarfaraway Mon 10-Aug-15 13:19:43

Hi lonecat , thank you for your reply.

I'm sorry you have similar issues with your ex .

It's so frustrating isn't it, my ex is partly like it because ended it , didn't go back & moved on!
I wonder if they expect us just to sort it out because they are to lazy or if we don't , I suppose they can tell the world how hard done by and how we prevent them having access confused

Collaborate Mon 10-Aug-15 17:35:07

Better to wait. The dispute has been started by him. All you'll be asking the court to do is rubber stamp what's been happening in the past. The court doesn't do that. If he wants it to change he'll have to apply to court. Firstly though you'll both be referred to mediation. No reason you couldn't sort it out there.

Iwishicouldflyfarfaraway Mon 10-Aug-15 17:58:43

Hi collaborate , thank you for your reply , would the mediation refer us to the court ? I would prefer it all rubber stamped , if only to prevent the onslaught of messages that happen at the beginning of every holiday .

Collaborate Mon 10-Aug-15 18:50:28

No. One of you would have to apply, but generally you go to mediation to avoid court.

TaraG23 Thu 13-Aug-15 11:58:05

I think if one of you doesn't want to do mediation or they don't feel it will work it will then be referred to court. Join the facebook group self representing and mckenzie friends in court. There may be some advice on there that could help you.

Iwishicouldflyfarfaraway Thu 13-Aug-15 13:46:22

Hi Tara ,

Thank you for your reply , I don't believe mediation will work personally , the texts at the begining of the holidays are his new way of trying harass me. I'll try to find that group on Facebook though thank you .

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