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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Legal matters

Ex is speeding with son in the car! What can be done?

61 replies

Gt006 · 09/08/2015 14:27

Hi there,

My little boy is 4. His dad and I have been separated for all of his life. He recently won what he wanted in a contact order in court to take my son a 3.5 hour drive away for a 1 night weekend stay every fortnight. The thing is, the father is a really reckless driver and cafcass wouldn't believe me without any evidence. I know he will be driving that long drive at 100 mph or faster with my wee man in the car. My son is already saying his daddy drives too fast.

Has anyone else experienced this? Is there anything I can do? It's so difficult to prove, but I know it's going on and it's putting my wee one in danger ????

OP posts:

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Reginafalangie · 09/08/2015 14:31

I am afraid without evidence there is not a lot. He will get caught eventually especially doing those speeds.

How do you know he drives that fast with his son in the car?

Reginafalangie · 09/08/2015 14:34

How would a 4 year old know how fast he is driving? My 8 yo thinks driving at 60 on the ring road is super fast so I don't see how a 4 yo would be able to distinguish the speed he is travelling at.

pretend · 09/08/2015 14:40

Nothing you can do. What do you want to happen, do you want him banned from taking your son anywhere in the car? Because unless he had multiple drink driving offences to his name I don't think you have a chance.

What would happen if you offered to pay for the train?

Have you been having problems with access? I only ask because it sounds like he's had to go to court to be given permission for this holiday.

pretend · 09/08/2015 14:41

Sorry I've just re read and it sounds like EOW access, not a holiday. Can you meet him halfway, or deliver your son yourself?

MaryBerrysEyelashes · 09/08/2015 14:41

i think you are grasping at straws

Gt006 · 09/08/2015 14:47

Thanks people!

I know he will drive that fast because he crashed the car with me in it three times and was pulled over once going 100 miles an hour with me in the car when I was pregnant. He drives an Audi TT! He also got caught drink driving without insurance whilst on a ban for drunk driving back in the day, but has since got his licence back.

The train is a good idea, but he would refuse no doubt. i have tried all sorts of options including offering my house at one point because I know he's a real risk taker and a dangerous driver.

OP posts:

Gt006 · 09/08/2015 14:49

Not a bad idea actually. It doesn't remove the stress caused by my son having to endure 7 hour round trips once a fortnight but at least would improve his chances of being safe! Thank you

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MrsLeighHalfpenny · 09/08/2015 14:50

I expect you DOA lot of things while your son is around that his father doesn't agree with either. I think you just have to suck it up and hope the rozzers catch him.

G1veMeStrength · 09/08/2015 14:54

God that is so worrying. I think you need proper legal advice. I suppose you could surreptitiously pack a mobile phone with a tracker app in your sons bag. Then you'd be able to watch when they leave, if they stop off, and when they arrive and calculate an average speed from that. But it's still not going to tell you if he is driving dangerously.

Gt006 · 09/08/2015 14:56

I did actually try that with a GPS device and he found it and switched it off! Which further added to my concern as you can imagine

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pretend · 09/08/2015 15:01

If my ex put a tracker device in my car I'd drive round to his house and shove it up his jacksy.

Gt006 · 09/08/2015 15:04

I'm willing to take a GPS up the so called jacksy if it helps prevent my son being in a nasty car crash to be fair

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G1veMeStrength · 09/08/2015 15:05

But pretend the OPs ex has crashed at least 3 times, been banned, driven whilst banned, done 100mph with a pregnant passenger... He sounds like a total jerk. I would hate to have to let someone like that drive my child anywhere let alone a regular thing.

G1veMeStrength · 09/08/2015 15:07

You could contact Crimestoppers with details of when and where he is likely to be speeding - I don't know how much they can do but it's got to be worth asking them?

Gt006 · 09/08/2015 15:08

Thanks g1vemestrength! Relieving to see someone gets my concern

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pretend · 09/08/2015 15:12

GiveMe your first post is spot on, me too.

But unfortunately for split parents you have fuck all power to do anything about this kind of risk unless you can persuade a court that your child's life is in such danger that it is preferable to limit access.

Which I don't think OP can. She got in the car with him when pregnant didn't she? So it can't have been that bad if she was willing to risk her unborn child's life.

That's how the court will see it.

coffeenowalnuts · 09/08/2015 15:12

When you have an idea of where he is driving, phone and report him. Some of these comments are ridiculous. Try your best to ensure he's caught. He could kill your child, he could kill other people. This is not something to be quietly put up with.

butterflygirl15 · 09/08/2015 15:13

I would call 101 and tell them where he is/which route too. Of course you are right in not wanting your DS to be in a vehicle with a dangerous driver. It must be terrifying for you.

sleeponeday · 09/08/2015 15:18

I hate to even ask this, as it's so unfair, but: would you be willing to take him and collect? I know it's a hell of a trip for you, but at least you would know he was safe.

pretend · 09/08/2015 15:18

"Call 101" - bingo

What's crap is that as soon as you split up, the bar is moved so low that as long as your child is basically still alive, fed, watered and warm enough then access goes ahead. And you can do nothing preventative - you wait until there's "clear evidence", ie something has already happened, then someone might listen to you. It's shit.

In the meantime if you're that worried the only way to know he's 100% safe is to drive him yourself.

Gt006 · 09/08/2015 15:19

That is what I was thinking. Risk is him seeing them and slowing down and it being useless, but it's an idea! Is 101 for police traffic? Not heard of that number before.

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pretend · 09/08/2015 15:21

If you call 101 and say there might be someone speeding on the M1 on Friday afternoon, what do you think they're going to do?

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butterflygirl15 · 09/08/2015 15:21

101 is the non emergency police number.

Gt006 · 09/08/2015 15:23

Pretend, I agree with your comment about the bar being moved low. It's a massive issue because it does seem as though my worst fears have to be realised before anyone can do anything.

I'm a medic so I'm of the belief prevention is better than cure, but hey ho!

Will try 101. Could offer to drive myself, but have a bad feeling he will refuse.

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Gt006 · 09/08/2015 15:24

I'm not sure pretend, what do you think?

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